A Morning in Spanaway

He first noticed the bird, there among a flock of a different kind. Starkly contrasting his adopted brethren, his white-grey coat seemingly betraying the apparent feeling of comfortable inclusion among them. The memories of his truer family long forgotten, he sensed his future with unperturbed optimism. You see, he was one of them. A wandering, nomadic, hunter seeking for his next meal, the next repetitious, often cursory, ritual bent on survival... yet always the hope of something more lingers. He travels with this largely unguided crew of fellows, a light among the darks, sensing his hopes can become something more substantial than survival... Is it truly survival without hopes anyway?

Emotion vs Logic: Round 1

This is an incredibly complicated and very difficult-to-internalize area of thinking. I would attribute some of the challenge to the fact that I attempt to conceptualize this all in a basically logic-based type of thinking... which I guess tends to be a bias on the concept before trying to render it in any other fashion. Also, the medium of writing generally needs to be rendered in a logical fashion when it is utilized in this technical form of introspection anyway. Emotion is generally found floating in the artistic/poetic/real-time/less-controlled forms of writing anyway. Indeed, they both have their place.

So I have thought a lot about this subject lately and for the last couple months in general. Much of it has come as I have experienced unexpected, or simply powerful, emotional states from time to time. Some of these experiences have been born of trials and others have found life in the positive and peaceful times. All of this has been incredibly edifying and delightful to examine as I have found stability in the broader perspective I feel I have gained through it all.

In one of the more pronounced emotional moments of anxiety/distress/pain I was feeling incredibly emotionally influenced. I could feel the feeling pervading every part of my body but it seemed to be extending out from my core, reaching upward through my chest into the central parts of my shoulders and head. I disliked the feeling itself but more than that I disliked the other negative feelings it seemed to generate... or recruit. Little, generally benign, ideas of confusion or self-doubt began morphing into, and indeed becoming a part of, the greater initial emotion. Basic logical counterparts to all this confusion were quickly obscured and entrenched by the rapid change and confusion of the emotional landscape I was experiencing. Somehow the clear understanding of the fact that I still had a logical foothold on the whole thing was still available to access in my decision making processes about how to deal with it all. The unanswered question, however, was determining how I could make use of that still-useful, seemingly available foothold. I wanted to suppress the undesirable emotional melee through logical reasoning and pull myself out of that seemingly oppressive, even confining state of being.

I started out with the idea that if I were to recognize, or create, enough logical bridges surrounding the situation which initially caused this whole episode that the leverage necessary to bend my emotional state back into shape could be had. In a somewhat formulaic manner I saw it somewhat like this(I am by no means a mathematician/programmer by the way): If X(number of logical bridges) > Y(various selfdoubts/confusions multiplied by anxiety/distress/pain) is true then overall control of the being is directed by logical means. It made enough sense to me at the time but lacked an important component of the resolution process. Merely directing the being, while importantly addressed, was not the end product of the formula. What comes of the emotional component in the formula?

This will end round one of my current speculations for now since I have a bit of a social life to attend to at the moment and the distraction certainly detracts from the efficacy and attention necessarily devoted to either one. I plan to continue with round two soon. I hope this hasn't been too boring... It certainly is a very dry topic to tackle. Well... Maybe I am just a bit dry in my tackling of it. Sorry about that.