Self-Identification.

 It is a life long, ever-changing perspective. And for some(many it seems) it is fairly easy to understand. I, however, have never felt there were many stereotypes, categories, or labels that really felt like a good way to describe me... until quite recently. I had never even heard the term before maybe a few days ago. And even though I have only seen a few descriptions of it so far, they have all been quite accurate to a degree that is almost astonishing to me. So... am I a Sigma male? Is there actually such a thing in the first place?

I won't go down the lists I have seen here but, oddly, most of what is shown on the lists I have seen is extremely accurate. Some places online call this whole thing "pseudo science" or hokey but when something seems to be so accurate I tend to think there is some credence to the whole thing. I have loosely tried to define myself many times in the past and have almost reflected perfectly many of the stated Sigma traits exactly. It's definitely a weird thing but in an odd way it actually feels somewhat useful to me. Self-identification can be a powerful tool, I believe.

Anyway... I plan to explore this concept more to better understand how any of it can apply to me. Somehow, better understanding feels empowering and I look forward to what sorts of thing that can improve in me. As always, a better way of life is definitely the goal.

I almost had the motivation.

 At least, in the morning I think I did... for maybe an hour or two. But I became complacent and enjoyed the chill of laziness so that pretty much squelched all the intended activities of the day that would have been even semi-productive.

I am tired now. That is probably a good thing, I suppose. I'll take advantage of it and crash out soon. Maybe if I'm lucky my dreams will help me hit the ground running tomorrow. Ha.

Continued catharsis.

 It comes in many forms. I was able to get back to work yesterday and I have to admit the act of being busy definitely does some good things for the soul. It can distract the mind and fill the purpose of my actions a bit which is always a good thing. And the more obvious benefit is the exposure to good people and the social benefits of human interaction in general. I am lucky to have good friends to bring me into such good situations.

Catharsis can also come in the form of laziness and relaxation, I think, despite the typically un-valuable effects of such behavior. I really do think that letting the stress of importance take a break, self-imposed or otherwise imbued by responsibility, one can at least start to find a calmer center in life again. Seeing a small piece of life's rewards can be invigorating and rewarding in its own way.

Tomorrow is a new day. I am lucky for it. The beginning of a new life if I make that sort of choice. The question will always be... am I ready for it?

Isn't every day a day of remembrance?

 It is Pop's birthday today. The day we celebrate the birth of our father and friend. But now he is gone. And we can only celebrate the memories he imbued in us.

I think I have been in a bit of a depressed state since his passing. I suppose it is a natural reaction to his loss but even being aware of it doesn't really seem to affect it. I think I will just mope a little here tonight. He would prefer I did something different but he would also ask me to be truthful and honest. The pain of loss is a sting that doesn't just go away.

I really look forward to sleep now.

Emotional revival.

 The uncertain toll of losing a parent can be somewhat perplexing. Some of it is expected as the natural course of loss typically incurs a host of feelings, harsh, sad, dark, painful. There are moments of other feelings too, however, and the triggers aren't always apparent before they arrive. And it's also unclear to what depth and effect and length of duration any of these experiences become. It feels chaotic and somewhat disorienting sometimes. It tends to dull some of the positive emotions I have been experiencing even... maybe it has increased my apathetic tendencies? Is it some kind of emotional defense mechanism?

Anyway... I feel inclined to write about life again. It somehow feels important and cathartic. I am not sure I will make this a regular habit as I once did... the chaos I am experiencing lately diminishes my inclination to commit to anything in particular. But I do think it is important right now... and hopefully for a while to come. Hopefully a while to come is truly possible, at least.