Wondering Where the Creativity Comes From

 Since sometimes there just isn't a lot going on in my mind.

Sometimes you just start writing and a new idea or two just pops into existence. It's like the act of doing generates more for you to do. But that isn't always the case. I wouldn't call it writer's block, especially since I don't really recall ever having had that before, but I might call it a lull in the creative motions of life.

Maybe I write just to press forward. Flex a muscle that needs flexing. Doing when there isn't enough doing. Maybe start to build a bit of momentum in any direction that isn't static.

Reminders of Reminders

 Because I do want to speak to the future... but I seem to be reluctant to do it in any other form beyond writing... and art.

I would like to do video captured content. Something that better displays what and who I am now. I don't know if it will be for my posterity, since I don't know if I will ever be so lucky, but I do think it could be for others nonetheless. Friends... other family... strangers, even. I would like to leave a mark on the future world in some way. A positive mark would be nice.

So I better make a better plan to do it. I won't conveniently stumble into doing it so a plan is the only way. Set up the camera... keep it simple... no need for an elaborate script or anything. Just start talking and make it happen!

Creating in Small Chunks

 There is an inverse correlation derived from in the value of a great short story. Not to say that all short stories possess this quality but when it is done right it becomes so much bigger in a somewhat counterintuitive way.

The focus is more acute. The ideas are more simply displayed. The feelings are less muddled. The sharper the edge, the more potent the sword.

And... I think it all comes down to moments and attention span. We remember best the things the affect us the most, and most quickly. And when it takes less work to summarize and distill the main points and ideas we more easily project the value found therein to others... and our future selves.

The Beautiful Art of Life

 Is a motivating and inspiring and often under-appreciated thing.

Music changes my life. It makes me feel in certain ways, usually aligned with the vibe of its expressions and sometimes mixed with the nostalgia of shared moments of the past. Like a timeless sonic thread woven through the threads of my soul.

I am also quite impressed by the medium of movies/television... though, who isn't? The combined visual/auditory/storytelling/acting mediums can sink so deeply into my mind and heart sometimes. When the craft is so harmonious and personal and expressive... I am not in my place but, rather, someplace else entirely. Assisted daydreaming, I suppose.

I am glad I get to participate in the creation of art. It is an enjoyable activity despite the challenges and imperfections in my renderings. Doing is fulfilling in its own way.

I Should Always Be About My Purpose

 As it is the thing that drives the most consistency in life. But this begs the question... what IS my purpose?

I know that I will continue to pursue film making. I am lucky enough to also make it my career but is IT my purpose?

I will continue practicing my art, training for arm wrestling, playing disc golf, squeezing a bit of ping pong in, writing creatively and technically, and a bevy of other things that seem to add value and direction to my life... but are ANY of these things my purpose? Maybe...

But all of it means very little if I am never able to find a quality woman to start a family with. Sure, I can share my time, energy, and opportunities with my friends, family, and the world at large... which does serve A purpose... but is that truly MY purpose?

No. My future FAMILY is my purpose. I should always be about THAT purpose.

The Pain of Improvement

 And I think it might always be worth it... but is that actually an unhealthy opinion?

Some people say "no pain, no gain" as if it is the main way to level up in life. Obviously that can't be the only way and maybe it can't even always be the most efficient way but it does seem to work, doesn't it?

I love arm wrestling and I guess I love the pain that comes along with it. Maybe that means I'm sadistic but I think it means I love living. And, as the Dread Pirate Roberts so succinctly declared, "Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something." Might as well turn the pain into success in a fun sport!

Illness is a strange gift.

 I guess by reducing the normal scope of daily responsibilities it can feel like a nice break. Healing is its own responsibility, after all, and it's pretty easy to neglect self care a lot of the time.

It always reminds me of the health-related things I am grateful for. Especially since I am so infrequently ill that I generally forget what illness even feels like, most of the time.

It is one of the important contrasts in life for so many other reasons, as well. A bit of understanding of how things can vary in perspective, incentive, motivation, self-awareness, patience, energy-level, desires, and so many other things.

A truly needed experience for sure.

What is profound?

 I guess it's always something different to different people... or even something different at different times in life.

Maybe it's the thing all artists are seeking to find in their work. I know I am seeking to be inspired by it, at least.

Perhaps a thing's depth is indicative of an earned excavation. Or maybe it represents the accumulated end of all the collaborative steps leading to it.

A reward for one's patience and persistence... without either of which diminishes its quality. Take the time to build every step toward that ultimate goal. Even the seemingly unrelated steps are an important part of the journey.

My Efforts to Build a Better AI Me

 There have recently been incredible advances made in the creation of AI functions that can emulate many aspects of humanity. So incredible that the Turing Test used as a sort of de facto qualitative assessment has been claimed to be passed with flying colors without any great degree of resistance to the claims. AI art has come incredibly far in the last year but wouldn't quite pass that sort of test for me at the moment but I would not be surprised for it to reach that point anytime in the near future.

One of the interesting features of the process of creating these AI systems is the need to train the system on data it is intended to emulate. And, as I am an aging man still wanting to start a family of my own someday, I do recognize the need for me to find a woman quite a bit younger than me if she is expected to be able to still bear children naturally. When looking at the logically expected end-of-life scenarios one in my position could encounter you tend to realize that my wife and family will likely face a good number of years without me before they pass along to the next life themselves. It could be decades, even. And in many respects it would be largely because I was responsible for getting things started so late in my own life. What a bummer... but could I possibly do something to ease the pain of my loss? This is where the idea of seeing if an AI version of me could do some of my work while I am gone. Obviously it could never truly replace me but couldn't it do something to help? And training it on as much of the "me" data I could possibly train it on would seem to be ideal.

Am I a madman for thinking about all this stuff? Maybe. But I also don't mind a decent motivating reason to get back to my creative writing habits here in the old blog. It has been too long since I've done this with any regularity. Hopefully I can prioritize it better going forward!