My photo-clicking finger should be hurting...

But it isn't... I guess I have a pretty buff finger. Or some sort of a long-distance/marathon runner-type of finger. I guess that might make some sort of sense since it does get fairly regular exercise in the pluck-and-strum activities of my guitar practice on a fairly regular basis.

So this weekend was somewhat of a blur, but indeed a delightfully whirl-windish, big smiles and laughs, type of blur. Just the kind of thing one hopes for when visiting old friends. It was powerfully hot weather at times but perfectly comfortable with a well-padded temperate breeze most of the rest of the time. It really takes a fairly obstinate prearrangement to feel as if leaving the place is the desired course to take once the time has come for my return to normal life.

Thank you to all who were participants in my splendid weekend excursion! I look forward to to my next similar such experience... whenever that time comes.

The Power of Grey Matter

It is a curious stuff... a useful kind of stuff.

I sometimes wish I had more of it.

I sometimes wish the stuff I had was just better quality.

A highly coveted stuff the world over.

Often wasted, rarely overused, although sometimes... used to spectacular result.

Even a fun kind of stuff.

An incontrovertible rudder.

An inescapable container.

A delightful mire of dream and experience.

A sincere stream of lucid emotion.

The prime commanding piece of the whole.

I have found it a pleasure to work with, though at times it has been my greatest enemy.

The fierce conviction of it's resolve is enjoyably synergistic, yet can be entirely formidable and seemingly indomitable.

An unimaginable proponent of progress and forward motion, as well a powerful source of challenge and fatigue.

A vast and ever-changing scape of the lingering past is found among it's legions... "I"

among them, born of their pieces and placement.

A clattering amalgamation of friends and rivals seeking voice in the future that is "Me."

Emergence of seemingly distant relics can sometimes gain audience unexpectedly, even

without invitation.

Perseverance, anchored by focused, purposeful direction are often the only tools of

progress.

Inextricably bound with time, it is incapable of suspension or regression.

These are a few of my thoughts on the topic of the mind and memory. Some of it is purely expression conceived in my contemplations and curiosities. Due to the nature of this immensely broad subject which I have been churning over in my mind as of late I thought it might be beneficial to etch out some of my core ideas this way. I've been drawn more toward the ideas of memory and personality lately but will more likely tackle that idea at some future point. Anyway... thus is my rambling tendency fulfilled at the moment.

Beyond all that... life is good! I am looking forward to my brief trip back to California in a couple weekends, a viewing of The Dark Knight on IMAX this coming Monday night, as well as a late dinner tonight. Yum!(I'm not actually sure what it will be yet. Ha)

(running away now)

The Effects of a Name

I have often thought of how a person's name might influence their life. From the basic

assumptions people make about you, to the unpredictable little daily quirks, to the shaping

of one's own self-image... a name, YOUR name, has a more powerful influence on your

life than I think most people consider to be the case.

My name is Aaron. It is a name of Hebrew, or possibly of unknown Egyptian, origin. It has several meanings associated with it: exalted, strong, high mountain, mountain of strength, enlightened, lofty, enlightment in love, GR the moss under the lightning (ha... I have no idea what that means), to sing, and so on. There are many variant forms of the name: Aaran, Aaren, Aarin, Aaro, Aaronas, Aaronn, Aarron, Aaryn, Aeron, Aeryn, Aharon, Ahran, Ahren, Ahron, Airen, Airyn, Aran, Arand, Arek, Aren, Arend, Ari, Arin, Arnie, Aron, Aronne, Arran, Arron, Arun, Auron, Ayren, Ayron, Erin, Haroun, Ron, Ronnie and Ronny. What does any of this mean? How does knowing any of this have an effect on me? Well I do find it interesting either way. I didn't know most of this before today so obviously it has not done much in the way of influencing me in general.

The semi-uncommon use of the name has had an effect on me in some ways. Growing up I happened to go to school with three or four other Aarons in my own grade at any given time so I did not think it was a particularly uncommon name. I was often reminded of how uncommon, or even weird, I might be as a person growing up and I typically saw that to be true of the other Aarons I knew. Somehow it made sense to me in that way. We were a different sort of breed I thought. Like somehow the name had some bearing on that... or did it?

I always thought it was cool that I was the second word in the dictionary after aardvark, that I was always first in line when we had to line up in order of first name in school, that "Air Head" was pretty much the only nickname people generally came up with, and that I shared a name with somebody in the Bible who was kind of important. Whenever I played video games and had to enter my initials for a high score or whatever I liked that I never had to change the first letter from the default letter "A" before doing the rest of my letters. I always thought it was strange that it was also a girl name, even if spelled differently, and that if you spelled my name backwards it was basically a girl name too.

One of the unpredictable daily quirks I have found is that, often being the first person in a friend's contact list on their cell phone, I often get what I have come to term as the "pocket call." I have dubbed it that since it usually seems that what I hear on the other end of the line is the background noise of life and I am now a small technological passenger in that unsuspecting friends pocket, listening to the car radio, having a casual conversation with somebody else, or just walking through a busy thoroughfare... or wherever they are. I get these calls anywhere from once a month to several times in a few minutes. These phone calls usually come from people I have not recently talked to or are not expecting a call from. I have found it to be an entertaining little diversion. And I doubt anybody named Zack will be privy to such similar little events of a basically trivial nature.

Who are you? Have you taken your own name as a part of your identity? Has it changed your perspective of who you would like to be or plan to become? I know my name has done all this to me. Maybe I'm just one of the luckier ones... named Aaron.

Dream Log: 6-5-08

I was driving somewhere, possibly headed south, in a van with a friend... I think it was with the purpose to deliver something to somebody. It had a sort of road-trip kind of feel to it since I had a bit of a distance to go and it was to a place I had little knowledge of.

The landscape was not entirely unfamiliar to me but it was not someplace I had been before. There were hills on either side of the road I was driving, the hills on the east were much more distant. I remember consulting a map with my friend and taking a turn down one of the highways toward the hills which were westward before taking another turn onto a road which continued southbound.

I arrived at a place which I did not believe was my destination but seemed relevant to stop at and go inside. My friend Cris, previously unidentified in the dream, decided to come into the building with me.

It was a church building which seemed vacant upon my entering although the lights were on anyway. I went most of the way through the main hallway to get a drink at the drinking fountain. Cris was following me talking to me as we went but I don't remember the topic of conversation. As I was drinking the water from the fountain I noticed an old friend from Red Robin a little way down the hall in the direction from which I had just come. I asked her if another of my friends from Red Robin, one which I knew she knew well, was there and she told me they were having a gathering/party for him there right then.

I started looking for him in one of the side rooms and saw a lot of people that I did not know. This is where my memory of the dream gets weird... I think my dream went into an entirely different story... sort of.

Upon entering another room I saw an old gruff man. He did not seem friendly or inclined to even talk with me. I started talking to him anyway. He began telling me about his son and how he trained his son from the time his son was a baby to be tough. He told me stories about ridiculous ways his baby son would outsmart him in his equally ridiculous methods of training. He seemed to hold quite a level of disdain for his son and even moreso for the fact that his son, even as a baby, was outsmarting his attempts to basically do away with him.

He even did this really spiderman-like maneuver in the description of something he did in attempt to foil his son. Then told me about the fact that he was a fisherman and how he did well to support his family on that. There was a bit more that happened at this part of the dream but I don't remember it other than I somehow got back to the van I was driving in and it was night time.

I was trying to drive back to my house and was getting very drowsy... in my dream. I caught myself dozing off a couple times. This is where the dream gets weird.

I woke to find myself sitting in the cab of the van, still buckled in, somewhat disoriented and confused about where I was and the fact that it was now mid-morning. My dad opened the passenger door and told me that he was glad he found the van. He and Cris had to come find me and tow it back since I had apparently driven off the road after drifting off to sleep and totalled the van while I was trying to drive home. I had that distinct feeling of helplessness after realizing I had not been able to make it home safely and felt extremely agitated that I had let myself continue driving even though I was so tired I was losing control. I was also agitated because I thought that I had actually woken up in real life and that I had to now deal with the consequences of wrecking the van and such.

I don't usually think I'm dreaming while in my dream but waking up while in my dream made it seem more like I was really awake. I had all the strange physical feelings of drowsiness and cloudy mindedness which I typically feel right after waking up but I was, in fact, still in the dream.

I don't remember much more of the dream but after waking up in real life I was quite

relieved to know that it was just a dream and that I had not wrecked a van which did not

exist anyway. Quite a happy feeling to start the day off with I think.

Environmental Evolution

Alliterating words with high syllable counts is often fun to do.

Back to normal life now.

So I recently got a new job working at Kits Cameras(aka Ritz in Cali) as a part-time sales person/lab assistant. Several times in the past I had thought of trying to acquire work there but never has it been more of a better fit than now... and I must say I am quite grateful to have landed the job, that being the case.

And so, as I have embarked on this new endeavor in the realm of experience and self-improvement in a field of personal high-interest, I have had to reacquaint myself with the old familiar feelings of newness and relative ignorance... as well as all the other feelings typically associated with the transition into a new learning experience(new class as school, new job, new scene at church, new group of friends, etc...) I wanted to write this stuff down before the newness had worn off, which most of it has obviously not since I have not even finished my second week of work there, but this could have been a bit more potent had I addressed it within the first week. As it does with most endeavors, my perspective of things changes very quickly as I adapt and learn, and the original perspective is quickly lost in the new one's wake. Nonetheless I am glad to be writing anything down.

Can you remember the way you felt entering the location of your most recent job the first time you went there? The whole place has a very flat, somewhat dark feel to it for me. The only small details that stand out are usually the most strange or out of place. I can't think of any in particular that stand out from this job.

In the beginning the people don't have names yet. Their motives seem pretty benign and are mostly portrayed by whatever marketing is littered about the store, even if it is easy to realize that they are distinct individuals obviously not created by the store. And this naturally all changes the more I get to know about each of them. They have lives outside of that place, just the same as I do. It is interesting to see how it creates a different perspective of the store as a whole as I do build that repository of peripheral knowledge.

The physical store seemed sort of insignificant as well. It held basically the same feeling as pretty much any store that I might walk into... which changed a lot once I was allowed to walk behind the counter, and even more once walked out of the sight of the general public into a back room. Not that the backroom was some sort of splendorous realm of excitement and exploration to be porred over and discovered by only the most privileged and worthy or sorts... it's really pretty small. It still changed my perspective though. Maybe it was purely the knowledge, and experience, of uncovery that made all the difference.

I remember once, when I was hired on at the movie theater in Vacaville, that I thought I would like to try an experiment and actually go by a completely different name to all the people there. I only knew the manager personally outside of the theater setting so I thought it would be very interesting to see how I might react socially to a different name. How much might it lend to the way people shape their perspective of me? Anyway... my manager didn't let me do it. I forgot to try it at this new job. The impact would not have been as good anyway since there are so many less coworkers to effect.

I also realize that the weather we were experiencing during my first few days of work somehow helped to shape my early ideas of the job. Given the season and time of year it becomes easier to realize the optimistic nature I prefer to feel in this typically challenging state of "followership"... this state of uneducated indoctrination... this door to a different version of me.

It's all very exciting. Good thing I really like cameras.

G.L.U. - Broke but not Broken - WARNING - VERY LONG

I thought it might be a good time for another "general life update" since I am sure I have been a little under the radar for a while. I type this with two of the fingers on my left hand in a painful state from being jammed during basketball last night... and on last thursday. Ha. I am glad they are not hindering my typing very much. They only hurt if I bend them.

Aspect of Life 1: Financial State/Work/Job Hunting

Holy majoly... I have not done any satellite related work that I have been paid for since March 8... Whoah! And it was pretty slow up to that point as well. Sure the pay for the work was good, and was expected to pick up, but it didn't improve or even surface in any paying form since. Thus, the job hunt ensued...

I have been lucky to get a little graphics work since then. A little. I'll be sending out the invoice for that today so that'll help. Otherwise I have been looking online and calling people in my attempt to find suitable work. The economy the way it is, and the type of work I prefer, makes things all the more challenging and sometimes annoying to wade through. I do have a second interview with Kits Camera so that's cool. At least it is work that I am sure I will enjoy assuming I take the job.

One thing this has all done is cause me to reflect on my future career and stability more than I normally do. It has encouraged me to seek the best ways possible to increase my future job security - namely, do what I can to figure out a way to get back to school.

The thought of school has always prompted mixed feelings in me. I truly enjoy the learning environment of school. I love learning about pretty much everything, generally making every classroom experience a fond memory and something to look forward to. The mixed side of it comes when I consider the cost and time. It is indeed a very foggy area to attempt to peer through... a lot of unknowns and uncertainty. Something I expect to be a positive experience nonetheless.

Aspect of Life 2: Location, location, location

I made the move up here to Washington in the expectation that I would return to my beloved Californian abode in prompt fashion to resume my life there with new financial momentum and purpose. The decision to even make the move weighed quite heavily on me as it felt more like a very hard pill to swallow than I wanted to deal with. The blue pill? The red pill? Ha. Red it is!

Now, as is clearly obvious, I have been up here for about nine months with no clear expectation of when, or even if, I can make my way back to California. I am in worse financial shape than when I arrived(obviously a temporary situation), I don't technically have my own working vehicle(my Dish Network boss is kindly lending me his truck until I can buy it), and above all of that I am inclined to stay in the area to see what might evolve with a girl I am interested in up here(quite an unusual thing coming from me.) I still don't even have a clear idea what she thinks of me. Ha. Talk about a logical reason for

staying put in Washington.

Anyway... I feel inclined to say some sort of good-bye to all the California folk who have been expecting, as I have been, my return to the 'golden state'. This is an awful way to do it, and I plan to make proper parting plans(phone calls, return trip to get my stuff out of storage/party, etc),but I think this is definitely a good, wussy way to break it to some of my friends. Ha... Blast, that stinkin' red pill!

Aspect of Life 3: Health of Mind, Body and Spirit

I am currently, jacked up fingers aside, in pretty good physical shape and only planning to get better. I have been regularly playing pickup basketball at the church 2-3 nights a week for the greater part of the last four months or so and the effects of it are warmly received. I recently made the decision to actually focus on increasing my vertical leap. I have never actually worked out with that intent before so I am hopeful to see if I can add the six inch minimum of my goal... although I am really shooting to add a foot... Ha! Definitely a challenging goal!

I try to make it to the dances when I can for the physical benefits I derive there. I like to burn it up when I can and make sure I get a splendidly potent workout in the process. I wish I could say I go to increase my chances with the ladyfolk but the one ladyfolk I am interested in doesn't usually go and probably would not be particularly impressed by my spastic limb-flinging dance funk. But hey, who knows except her? Regardless... I enjoy the workout.

I have lost about 15lbs or so since I have moved here(still would like to drop another 10lbs or more.) I have cut out fast food almost completely(seems to be about once a month or less lately.) Even started learning how to cook a little. I have made some progress at eating breakfast during breakfast time, although I still have a bit more progress to make on that account. My sleeping habits are improved but still have a long way to go. I have started to occasionally do mini sessions of stretching(very mini) to increase my flexibility. All of this has been quite a blessing to my overall self-esteem and optimism.

I have also made a few good steps forward in the improvement of my mental and spiritual health. The biggest one being the regular, consistent study of the scriptures for a minimum of a half-hour daily. The impact of such an activity is too great to be measured, it suffices me to say I can not see returning to life without it. I have also increased the length and quality of my personal prayer, a likely side effect of the aforementioned step, and a similarly increased benefit in the length and quality of my journal writing, which may also be a benefitting attribute to my mental health.

Aspect of Life 4: Art, Music, Writing, in Creativity and Expression

I purchased a nice little acoustic nylon-string guitar on 'Black Friday' last year after Thanksgiving, taking advantage of a great sale being held at Guitar Center. I had been wanting to pick up a full size acoustic for quite some time and I am quite pleased that I did! I try to keep it with me at all convenient times and places and as a result I have practiced and written with it more and more. Not that I am into 'extreme dedication' mode or anything but I probably play at least a little almost every day and have noticed improvement overall because of it. I am even writing music again. That always feels good, especially when it comes out beautifully rendered.

I also got the bug to get back into my hand-drawn art and picked up a sketch pad to do so. I didn't make it past the first page but found out that digitizer tablets for the computer are cheap now(sub $100 for a small one) and after picking one up have become quite energized for doing art again. It is encouraging as I have never before been able to combine my graphic design skills with my artist skills in quite the same way before. It makes me feel like I could actually be a professional artist or something. Ha. Maybe I am

delusional about it but I still feel it anyway.

I recently started a wedding gift for a couple of friends who just got married last weekend. I thought I would be able to finish it in a couple days but the more I got into it the more quality it became and the more I wanted to make sure I gave it my best. I work on it at least a little everyday and I now estimate I will be able to get it finished in a couple weeks or so. I'll post it up when I am finished since I am sure I will be quite proud of the finished result.

Aspect of Life 5: Family, Friends, and Foes

I have enjoyed being close to my blood-related family since I have been here. They are truly a great source of strength and peace. Something I had surely missed as I was away for all those years. It's really cool to be able to play some basketball and ping pong with my nephews once in a while too.

I love my friends! They are all the raddest, most kind, people ever! They treat me unfairly well... I wish I could return the favor to all of them... they are truly deserving of my effort. California, Idaho, Utah, Washington, and everywhere else they reside. I am exceptionally blessed!

As for foes? I guess I am my only foe at the moment. I would have it no other way as I am quite the foe to conquer sometimes.

So I think that about covers it. I mean, what else is there? Good times, that's what! I guess this has yet again been a bit of a long adventure in bloggingdom. I hope it has been at least informative, since I am sure it has not been very entertaining, and that I have not lost any Califriendians in the process!

p.s. (Hey! What happened to being able to post what music I am listening to?)

Partial Dream Log: 3-10-08

I say it is a partial dream log because I don't remember how much of the dream connects in any structured, coherent way. I have a few distinct and entertaining things to make mention of though.

So... for some reason I was in a trailer-style house at the base of a hill in the middle of somewhere that kind of reminded me of rural Idaho. I don't remember having a real fix on location but I don't remember it mattering anyway.

I was inside this house and for some reason there was a really tiny kitten that needed my help to keep it alive. I say really tiny because it was REALLY tiny! Like the whole body of it was smaller than the tip of my pointer finger. It was the cutest possible kitten my dreaming brain could possibly conceive of! Maybe because of how tiny it was... and it emitted tiny little meows here and there too.

It had lots of long white and grey hair and it was so small I had a difficult time finding a good place to carry it where it would not accidentally be crushed. I thought of sticking it in my left shirt pocket but realized it would be difficult to get back out of the pocket because of how small it was. I decided to put it into a zip-lock bag, leaving the top open so it could breathe, then stick it into that same shirt pocket.

I don't remember what I was doing in the house... I think there were other people in the dream at some point... very foggy, though, so I can't say for sure.

I was at one end of the house and I found another tiny kitten. This one looked distinctly different than the first one. It was easy for me to tell that they were not related but I thought it was best to collect that one to keep it safe as well. At some point, not much later, a mother cat which was not a normal looking cat - maybe a lynx or something exotic that I am not aware of in regular life - came and wanted the second kitten back. I don't remember it actually talking to me but I somehow knew what it wanted and gave the kitten back to it. It seemed like a nice cat even if a bit strange looking to me. I don't remember how I gave it back but I did... then the dream trails off into something else. I don't remember it very well right now.

Anyway... I might make a picture to illustrate the super tiny, cute kitten in my dream. It made me happy even just to have it in my dream. I think it will even make me happy to make the picture of it. Strange. Ha.