Health is the main topic of life when things become unpredictable.

It tends to become all that you think about when somebody(or yourself) experiences adverse medical conditions due to one thing or another. Seeing mortality lingering so close to the periphery tends to magnify one's focus on every way to avoid it... really pointing the arrow forward in time. There might be a little reflection on what might have caused the current state of things but the attuned tendency to anticipate life of a different type definitely dominates the way I seem to go about it. Are we ready for it? Life is not only an equation of the living... it is the result of everything and everyone from all of time. Our story expands from the past into the future, with and without those who have gone before us. I kind of feel like I am trying to avoid potential pain just through my deliberate and mentally challenging exploration of the topic. I suppose I will make my way to bed for a rest from it all now. Maybe my morning mind will have a different take on things.

Heavy thoughts.

As my mother's birthday came and went I had much on my mind about life and the way of things these days. I had the inclination to write her a letter about life things despite her absence as a certain feeling of purpose seemed to urge me from within. I am a bit on the disorganized side of things lately, however, especially as I prepare for the big shoot next weekend and I allowed the urge to become quiet as I wandered into the existence of today. Now... even though the specific day has passed I still feel a bit of the urge to write that letter. I think just talking about it has prompted the feeling and perhaps I'll give it a shot sometime soon... just not now. I am a bit too tired to deal with those emotions and I really need to get my head on the pillow... or maybe I am just running away from it as I lack enough of the right motivation? Meh. Off to bed with me.

So many miles.

Alaska is a very cool place. And it is very far away. But I dig it anyway and enjoyed my time there. I enjoyed the work, the people, the food, and all the many challenges. I might have gained some valuable perspective, as well. I am quite lucky to have the work opportunities that I do but even more lucky to work with the great people that I do. I look forward to seeing how our shoot went and what it becomes!

I have really slowed down on this lately.

But that doesn't mean it is totally going away. I just have a hard time spending the extra energy to do this when I am away from home. I have been home several days now and I feel like I can get back to doing this with almost regular frequency again. I mostly just need to become more committed to the practice in general again. I still don't miss any days in the paper journal so tacking this back on shouldn't be too tough, I think. I suppose time will expose the truth of that last sentence.

Road trippin'!

It is great to see new places in the world. It is great to meet new people and have a little solo time in between all the action. It is great to work and play all at the same time. It is great to have increased optimism about the future things in life.

Big things on the horizon.

I'll be taking a long road trip but after that I'll be doing a big edit and prepping for a big live stream event. I am pretty sure all of this will consume all my time for the next couple months straight. I am looking forward to it all and expecting it to be an incredible opportunity and challenge. All kinds of good stuff!

Is there a word for the extreme dislike of politics? Politicism?

There's racism, sexism, ageism, heightism... weightism... clownism? Whatever... there's lots of words describing extreme bias, even hatred, against something. I feel something very deep within me, in a similarly negative way, against the realm of politics. It has twisted the social fabric I experience in life but, more importantly to me, it has corrupted individuals I care about in ways I feel helpless to improve in any significant way. I am one small voice fighting against the resounding thunder of a chorus so loud and resonant it tends to crush and align the individual wills of those who would sympathize themselves with it for long enough. A thought-machine so enticing, it's guise so seemingly trustworthy, it's aim so ostensibly honorable that the subtlety of its invasive nature is almost entirely cloaked and any cracks in its facade quickly become either hidden from sight or ignored altogether. And the pains it invokes in the imaginations of those consumed by it become manifest in all other elements of the lives of the afflicted, intentionally, purposefully, or not. People like my dad become collateral damage in a war(imagined, fabricated or otherwise) generally oblivious to him and others like him. I don't have a plan about how to extract this pervasive beast from his life but I did feel the need to at least describe a little bit about this thing I have been fighting. I would call it by something, if only to potentially give it a target, which is why I think it should be formalized... and, perhaps with a small chances push, by writing this short paragraph in my attempt to describe it in some way I hope that something can change... change and chance are nearly identical in spelling, anyway.