The purge is coming.

While I was packing up the truck to complete my move back to the parents house I was realizing how much totally unnecessary junk I have been hanging on to that I really need to just get rid of. The process of doing this will be a tedious, time-consuming one for sure... but it NEEDS to be done! Holy moly, I have way too much junk! I wonder how I got this far in life thinking otherwise? Probably a good healthy dose of self-denial, I guess. Ha.

Push leg further into mouth, repeat.

I think I have a special interest in self-destructive behavior when it comes to girls. I just wanted to be patient. I just wanted to give her space so she could cope with the challenges she is already dealing with. I guess I also just wanted to toss my heart in front of her shoe as she continued to walk some other direction... Why? I think(I daresay "think"), I must feel for her more than I realized. She means more to me than I thought, despite my glowing reviews over the last week, and I think my heart tends to poison my logical thinking if I am not totally diligent. And since I've been averaging around 3 or so hours of sleep each night over the last couple or so days... my diligence has certainly lost whatever fight it was trying to put up. Ha. I am surprised I am able to put together a coherent sentence right now! I am totally wasted!

I have been in the pity party of the week for most of the day... but, thankfully,(and somewhat mysteriously) I have had some moments of clarity that have kept my head above water more than I would have expected. I don't really think all is lost with her... I think she'll still have me as a friend and that's way better than nothing! I just need to give her some space for a little while. I only hope I can actually keep up the self-control to do what I am saying I should do. Ha. Sleep is an essential key to this challenge for sure!

Open mouth... insert leg.

I think I just like to eat my foot whole. It feels like most of the time I start to chase a girl I am always overly zealous about spilling my feelings all over her face when she is least expecting it. Like I've filled up a bunch of water balloons with 'em and I'm hiding right around the corner, waiting to blindside her with a full complement of emotional bombs. Ha. Sheesh, I need to get a different method... or maybe a different heart would be easier!

The weekend whirlwind is over.

Now it's time for the weekday whirlwind. Ha. It is finals week, after all.

I have quite a bit of heavy lifting to do tomorrow but I think all will go well. I am finally dialed in on my classes for next term so that's good. I will take another stab at an online course due to the lack of availability during the day in the regular classroom setting. It is a somewhat trepidatious thing for me but I know I can do it.

A woman worth a thousand more words than I could ever write.

A very high percentage of them good with a very small percentage of them landing in the realm of the realistic. I know she isn't perfect but I know she is definitely worth the effort. The motivation to become what she is looking for is nearly as high as my motivation to simply make her happy. I am not totally "in love" mind you, but I quite appreciate my feelings for her as they do improve me in many positive ways. In love could happen and when/if it does I'll be happy for that as it comes. No need to try to force anything. I only hope I am lucky enough that she one day returns my feelings back.

The beautiful Sabbath day.

I love being able to relax and take in the church experience with a mind at ease. I enjoy the people I get to see, the family I get to hang with, and the general calm feelings I get to feel. I think it is just the kind of thing I really need in the middle of a busy week of life stuff that's full of stress.

Transitioning life.

Life is meant to be about change. Much of it is pretty incremental and mostly unobservable in the moment, but the continuing sustained effects do make themselves apparent when one takes a little time to reflect on them.

Sometimes, however, we cast ourselves into a den of change. I am moving from one house to another which seems to always brings a distinct life focus into clarity for whatever reason. I am not sure why but I decided to adopt a different, and I daresay improved, level of adherence to my priority structure. Namely, I need to put big things first(family/marriage, job, college, future) before the rest of what I seek can possibly have a chance to fall in place. Walnuts in a mason jar filled with sand, I guess.