Jerry Castillo - The Man of the Biggest Dreams

And now... he lives on in dreams.

Today is a sad day for me. My father has passed on after a relatively brief battle with his health. The pain of this loss stings me sharply to think about at the moment but, as I have already experienced with Mom's passing, it will dull over time. Right now there are so many feelings about what was lost but I know I will come to see the greater picture with time.

He was a simple man. He followed his heart. He treated everyone he met with incredible respect and care. He had ambitions and desires far greater than his ability to focus on how to realize them... possibly the greatest dreamer I have ever known. He worked incredibly hard for as long as his body allowed, even long past the time where the pain in his knees should have deterred him. He valued laughter above his personal pride, a smile being his default habit in any conversation not related to politics. He loved to brag about his health despite his troubles and obvious health issues. To me, his delusion in this way was endearing and somewhat humorous.

Now, as I sift through the barrage of emotions, self-inflicted or otherwise, I feel lucky to have some time this morning to reflect a little and adjust to the new form of life I will now have to live. My father is gone. My mother is gone. I am glad to have all five of my remaining siblings. I feel lucky I was able to briefly see him in person just six weeks ago. I feel even luckier to have had him as my father in the first place!

Today the world is cold everywhere, both figuratively and in actuality(it snowed in Washington, it is icy here in Texas), as the loss of my D.O.D.(Dear Old Dad) reflects the chill of life. He is already missed and will continue to be missed until the day I join him and Mom.

Farewell, Dad. I love you.

Jerry Castillo

March 8th, 1936 - February 13th, 2021

2020 - A Year in Review - The COVID way of thinking.

 I neglected to do my 2019 review and almost missed the infamous 2020 review as well... even if it is a little later than preferred. I have the day off and I am going to take advantage of the time to do some personal things. This is one of those things.

2020 might have been touted as "The Year That Never Was" or "The Year That Shocked the World" or "The Year Everything Changed" or "The Year of the Mask." There are a myriad of negative, ill-defining, half-though-out, overly sensationalized statements that have been made about the way the year was effected by this silly microscopic virus but I am generally not one to subscribe to that sort of sentiment(even if I might grab a snack off the table of the bandwagon from time to time.) It was a crazy, unexpected, bizarre, life altering year to be sure but I wouldn't call it negative. I would just call it life.

The year kicked off quite nicely for me. I started by driving out to Austin, Texas for a shoot on a feature that basically filled the bulk of the month. It was a fun, challenging experience(as is typical for a feature film shoot) and I swung through Denver, Colorado on my way home to pick up a case for my big drone and it was a bit on the wintery side with a little snowfall while I was there. It's always cool to get exposed to a bit of the authentic feel of a place, especially since I had never been there before.

I think it was late February when the United States had begun to start recognizing the potential danger of the COVID-19 virus. I flew to Hawaii(also my first time there) for a gig there and the airports were certainly in a heightened state of security. Everyone in public is wearing masks and the luggage is screened thoroughly at this point. A slight sense of paranoia and general concern seems evident. The shoot in Hawaii was a great experience and I think we really got some cool footage for a cool little short. I even had a day or two to explore a bit on the "Big Island" where we were shooting.

In early March I got to help out on a fun music video for a band called Smokey Brights and that was basically the last production I worked on for about three straight months. The production world basically went into total lockdown and I went into full troglodyte mode until the next productions figured out a way to make a come back. I basically caught up on all the Youtube, Netflix, and Amazon Prime shows that could possibly be seen(that I was interested in, that is) and I am certain my excessive inactivity instilled a grander sense of general life apathy and muscle atrophy than I am typically quite averse to experiencing. Being lazier than a sack of potatoes yet lacking all the potassium and vitamin C benefits... not cool.

I think it was somewhere in June that I picked up a day gig or two helping shoot some of the Key Arena rebuild construction. My funds were basically just running out so getting something then was quite the boon, emotionally as well as financially. In July we were able to get Hoarders back in action and I was able to do a couple shoots between July and August. Things weren't totally back in action on the production side but I began to get enough little gigs that I was able to stay afloat without too much trouble. We also started having arm wrestling practices again around that time.

In late August and again in September I was able to help out on a couple music videos for Christian Burghardt, one in eastern Washington and the other in Malibu, California, which were both tons of fun and challenging experiences. I drove to both places and always enjoy road tripping whenever the opportunity presents itself. I got to pull with the Derek Smith club while I was down there which was a cool experience. He is quite the friendly, helpful fellow.

Toward the end of September I was called to help shoot with some real life cowboys doing a cattle roundup in the southern tip of Colorado in the mountains. I got to spend about a week there, living in the wilderness high up in that beautiful environment totally off the grid. They taught me how to ride a horse so I could go out with them and film while they were rounding up cattle in the hills. I slept in a range tent and didn't shower the whole time I was there! Awesome!(almost feral, even)

I also got to pull in a couple tournaments between September and October. One at the John Brzenk Open in Arizona(on the way to Colorado) and the other was the John Brzenk Cup in Utah near my sister's place. I only had a couple or so wins between the two but they were both great learning experiences.

We moved Pops down to my sister's place around that time as well since his health was starting to decline and we were not very well equipped to help him out at the house, especially with me traveling so much for work and whatnot. She did a very good job of really taking the reigns and handling his care.

I got to work on some creative and fun shoots in October, November and December between some short film stuff and the corporate work with Microsoft. I also got to pull in a couple tournaments in December, the Total Armwrestling League #2 in Boise, Idaho and the Washington state championships. I was able to get my first win in an "Open" division at the TAL event as well as meet a ton of awesome high level arm wrestlers, including a couple of my favorites in Monster Michael Todd and Todd "Toddzilla" Hutchings. At the Washington tournament I was able to win my amateur division 205lb division which was also a first. Super cool!

The holidays were a pretty low-key time for us at the house. Just at some food with the room mates and watched tv as usual. It's a little weird not having Pops around and doing things with a larger family group of some kind. Right after Christmas I started making my way to Texas for my first shoot of 2021 on a feature film. I stopped at my sister's to see them and Pops along the way and it was good to see him in a decent mood. His health is still declining but at least he is in good hands.

And here we are at the end of my entry. What is my review of the year like? I will say this: 2020 was definitely a weird year. It was also most definitely a very good year. Trials came in all different forms but the blessings and opportunities came in greater abundance by my count... as if anybody is actually counting. Either way, I know good when I see it and I know that I am quite a lucky fellow.

The truly turbulent times.

It has been a bit of a day. The recent months have had a bit of their own take, even. And though I have thought I should take some time to put my thoughts into more permanent form I have not felt clearly enough to motivate such an action. I am now inclined to do so... and even though I am not entirely sure where this post will roam I feel it appropriate to first pay my respects to the event, the man, that has inspired this emotional tipping point.

David Lopez

I did not know him very well or for very long. I met him a little over a year ago when I first took arm wrestling on as a serious hobby. He was a very smart, kind teacher in the few brief interactions I had with him. First at practice, then at Ben's wedding. Not long after friending him on FaceBook I learned of his struggle with cancer. Not long after that he posted that he would no longer receive the chemo treatments that he had already fought and struggled with, knowing that it would likely lead to his passing. Today... today was the day that news became reality. He has a young wife and family left in his absence. It feels like a tremendous challenge and powerful moment of importance. A loss that will affect the community of all who knew him well. Again, I did not know him very well but I know he was a fine man, husband, father, and friend. It is an unwelcome reminder of our mortality but a sadness that is real. Be at peace, good man.

Working backwards toward other things which have weighed on my mind in the recent days and months.

The world is at odds with itself. The "realish" world found in the social networks has decided to escape into frenzy and foolishness. Toxic and rigid are two words that come to mind. There is almost no place for moderation and geniality. I say "almost" because there are a few level-headed folks willing to sing praises for the positive in spite of the cacophony estranged from the uplifting and tasteful realm... along with the great many who are simply non-participant witnesses, simply along for the ride, unwilling to gain unexpectedly negative attention, or bemused by the acrimonious and chaotic war of words, ideas, virtues, politics, and social contrivances. The sad part is hearing about the power of this "realish" world as it seems it is spilling into the physical world with incredible strength and connection. The world is at odds with itself.

This all started with the viral video of a police officer killing George Floyd... inflamed race tensions spurred protesting and a call for justice... there is an "Autonomous Zone" in downtown Seattle... there have been peaceful protests throughout the country... there have been actual riots and looting in many of those places... there is a call to "defund the police"... many local folks want to impeach the governor of Washington State... POTUS has threatened military action... more news of wrongful police actions... and this brief list is far from comprehensive. This is the real world. This is what's happening now.

I have watched the disproportionately connected "realish" world act as a catalyst for most, if not all of this. The truly focused, self-amplifying echo chambers of the social media realm are bullishly coercive to all that wish to heartily engage. A virtual heaven for the trollish tendencies it imbues into even the most honest and pure of heart... intentions quickly culled into emotional fervor and sympathetic recitations. I do see so much goodness and well-intended efforts but the execution and forum belies the value gained. Beyond that, it seems that the delicacy and tact required to navigate the more nuanced and challenging issues is almost completely crushed into powder and poured into the cement molds of either of the major faction's hard-line thinking. It seems one is only capable of existing on one side or the other, lacking the capacity to reasonably traverse anywhere in the gray areas of any given sentiment. There is only a rally cry for justice or descent... a bellow far louder than any opportunity to enjoy a patient, collected discourse at room volume. So much decisive, divisive screaming it nearly motivated me to speak my piece about the lack of peace.

But I am not that man. I am not on a side... at least, nobody is on my side. Not according to what the "realish" world has declared, anyway.

And, just for fun, let's add a global pandemic! It has all sorts of political and financial facets to be addressed beyond the physical and emotional realms it has injured. It feels a bit unclear how it will be truly understood in retrospect... which might be to say, the whole story of this thing is a bit murky. The world was quite underprepared for just such an event. We are lucky it hasn't been a very destructive virus.

And so... instead of casting my voice into the heart of that "realish" world, I have decided to transcribe some thoughts for the future, near or far, in the generally obscure place of this journal. There is importance in the sentiments of this time no matter what becomes of it. This truly is history that must be remembered and even though I was somewhat reticent to follow through with this writing, and I am saddened by the passing of David Lopez, I am grateful for the emotional push he was able to offer me because of it.

Still catching up.

I slept in a little. I headed to Snohomish to hit some balls at a driving range with Chris as well as pick up some gear for myself and James. The weather was awesome. It was nice to hit some balls again. I headed straight to James' house to drop off his stuff before heading home. I spent the rest of the evening relaxing and prepping for the upcoming shoot. I really should not do these stupid all-nighters just to get things done at a leisurely pace. No need! Pffff.

The long trip home.

These travel days are always long but they are often enjoyable anyway. Steven and I went for breakfast a couple blocks away from the hotel. It was an excellent choice and a delicious meal for sure. We caught an Uber to the airport and made the first flight to Houston with Berndt. Berndt split off to continue to Austin as we stopped for lunch before our final leg to Seattle. The weather was beautiful and the scenery matched it well all the way back. I basically came straight home, hung out with Carlin and Pops for a while, then called it a night. I need to reset everything tomorrow before I head back out on Thursday for the next shoot. Fun!

The lasting day.

It was a pleasant, humid, thoroughly enjoyable concluding day. The work was hard enough but it was all a good payoff to see the family's responsive happiness. We actually had a decent turnout for the wrap dinner, which was unexpected, and I am quite grateful to work with such a quality crew.

A rainless day!

It may seem strange considering this time of year but we somehow avoided the rain for our entire work day and I think it was quite refreshing. The work itself went relatively well and we even got done about an hour early. A few of us went out for pizza for dinner and I headed out for dessert myself during the sunset. I travelled around a little to get a better view of the sunset and got to see an alligator in person, in the wild, for the first time. I even scared it away further into the delta waters as I walked up close to it on the dock. Fun times! Anyway, tomorrow is the last day of the shoot and I think we will have an interesting conclusion based on the things still remaining for the clean up.