Which, even though it feels like I am no closer to claiming anyone's affection, it does feel better to be attracted to anybody rather than my more common feeling - that I am somehow broken for not being attracted to anybody... which only emphasizes the feeling of loneliness. At least, if I am thinking fondly of any woman that I have some regular contact with, I am more motivated and optimistic about life.
There could certainly be better things about it... like if I was ever lucky enough to be attracted to somebody who is mutually attracted to me. But I guess that is not for me right now. Maybe I'm not worthy of it, or I'm not ready, or I am supposed to be alone or something. Ugh, that sounds depressing. Maybe this is one of those things where I have to accept God's will that I might not be healed, so to speak. At least, maybe not yet. I don't know.
Anyway, I am glad to have lots of future left to look forward to. Somewhere in there I think there might be a girl for me. Even if I don't know how that will ever happen. One of my greatest challenges of faith I guess.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment