I know I don't throw very much rice at the wall(so to speak) when it comes to my efforts in finding a girl who actually appreciates me the way I appreciate her, specifically when I develop feelings beyond regular platonic friendship... but... I am always perplexed at how it is that every time I do make an attempt to climb out beyond said style of friendship I am always put back in the place where I began, relegated to exist perpetually as one of the "just friends" people of the world.
I think this could mean one of two different things: I am such an attractive "just friend" for all my friendly qualities and dedicated efforts that my value in this regard somehow outweighs my other potential offerings, or(and this is nearly always how I feel about this whole thing) I do not appear qualified to adequately fulfill the measure of a good relationship-type guy. I am sure(roughly 100%) there are other options I am overlooking... but I am certainly too near-sighted to raise my perspective beyond this version of stewing. Why is this so confusing?
I have worked hard, VERY HARD, for many long years to develop attributes within myself that would fit me for such a prestigious role. The role of boyfriend/potential husband/future father. I know work and results certainly do not always coincide. I know that I have many unattractive failings and flaws that a lot of girls likely just can not learn to stomach. I know that even now I am basically whining(highly unattractive) about this whole bag of nonsense to an audience barely greater than myself.(I honestly don't have any idea who reads any of my ramblings here... outside of M.S.K. anyway.) I know I am not the most visually appealing specimen around. I know that life is not supposed to be easy, that the game of love is really anybody's guess, that men and women are from different planets, and all that jazz about the early bird catching a worm and whatever other such nonsense. But I also know that life is not intended to be a solo project experience. And there has to be someone out there that I DO find attractive that will eventually let me in the door.
I feel like I need to try some other sort of method for this to happen. I am not fishing for compliments about me so if anybody feels so inclined to leave me advice on this topic I would appreciate any refrain from offering me any such notions. I just wanna learn how to actually hook the good ones(the good ONE) in a way that does not leave me mired in the "pit of eternal friend zone." I know I can be a good candidate if I get enough help and I practice enough, right?
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2 comments:
Speaking as someone who thought marriage was highly unlikely...all I can say is that it happens...all in its own time. It sounds like you've been taking the appropriate steps to correct self-perceived flaws. Eventually the right person will appear.
Also am I being stupid to get my hopes up over the next Mars Volta album? Bands only disappoint.
You are a wise, generous friend kind sir! The words of of a battle-hardened saint indeed.
And I didn't know they were coming out with a new album... though, if it makes one stupid to get your hopes up over that, count me in the stupid club! I'm looking forward to it disappointment and all!
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