2013 - A Year in Review - Closing the Gap on the Future

So... how did it all start? That is a good question! Let me see if I can remember!

Not a whole lot happened in the early parts of the year. We had a mediocre, but fun, basketball season with a 50% winning percentage. I started getting a little more into disc golf once the cold of the winter started to take a break. School was pretty normal, nothing fancy or unusual, which basically kept things moving forward in life, as expected.

On a sad note, the world lost a most exceptional person, and friend, to cancer in mid-February. It's always tough to lose a friend. Always tougher when that friend is still so young.

R.I.P. - Nicole Divis

I made my first trip to the N.A.B. conference in Las Vegas in April and wow was that fun! It is the premiere event in the United States, that revolves around the film/video industry technical side of things, and it was quite an eye-opening experience! I look forward to going again next year.

The summer came and went pretty quickly. I got to do a little hiking with some friends but would have liked to do more. The Y.S.A. conference was quite a kick since my band Bes got to play at the main Friday night event to an audience of roughly 600-700 people! It was also cool to meet a lot of new people throughout the weekend as well. Work at UPS was pretty easy made possible by the nice weather and early sunrise. Disc golf also benefitted from the great weather and I definitely played more of that this year than last year. Not sure how much I improved but it was cool to bring a few new friends along on a few rounds too.

I took my first(and thankfully my last) online course at school this summer. Flippin' snot-rockets that was an annoying experience! I am sure online classes are great for some people, and for certain classes, but they are pretty much totally not for me! It felt like pure punishment the entire term. Ha.

I also moved back in with my parents this summer in order to make the last few terms at school much easier to deal with. They are kind enough to keep my rent low which makes it so much easier to get the important things done at school and otherwise.

Rolling into the fall, I took on a second job working at the Dairy Bar at the Washington State Fair. It was my first time ever taking a job at the Fair and what a great time it was! I worked a bazillion hours which a bunch of cool people and made a bunch of money in the process! Plus, now I feel like a swirl cone crafting master! Swoooosh!(<-- that's the sound of making an awesome cone, by the way)

I was lucky enough to get some side work doing audio capture on a small video production, which has been great experience. Halloween was fun as usual, along with Movember and Thanksgiving when that rolled around, which led into this year's crazy "peak" season at UPS("Black Friday" on through Christmas.) When I say crazy, I mean like twice as busy as last year's "peak" season... maybe almost literally. I worked about 25 EXTRA hours a week leading up to Christmas... awesome overtime hours but definitely a drain on the soul. Ha.

At the beginning of November my benefits kicked in at work so that was pretty awesome too! I went to see a doctor for the first time in almost 20 years and it turns out I have a pretty clean bill of health. I also got some dental work done and did some physical therapy for a few various lingering back, shoulder and knee issues. And I've hardly had to pay a thing for any of it! Man, I love's me some benefits!

Christmas was very quiet since my parents went to Utah to visit with my sister and her family. I look forward to the new year as one with many big life changes ahead! I am so thankful to everyone who has supported and encouraged me! I am nothing without all of you in my life and I hope y'all have as great a new year as I plan on having!

Soundcheckin'.

It feels like we are slightly more of a band when we have the opportunity to do an actual soundcheck at a place we will be playing the next day. It isn't some sort of paying gig with high repute or anything but it still has that elevated feeling of importance attached to it anyway. It makes me want to practice my instrument more so I can be more worth the effort... to both my band and the audience!

It is the end of a major life chapter... I am no longer a "young" single adult.

Though, to be honest, I probably have not been considered "young" for several years at least. I know that I AM young, as most of a person's age is really just in the head, but technical details can have real effects on one's life nonetheless. In any case, I must move on... I must move forward. It feels like there is something there in the future but to be honest I really don't get a sense of what it might be. I walk where few people in my circle of life have walked before. I am in a VERY small minority in so many ways.

Yankin' the teeth out.

Today was pretty much consumed by my experience at the dentist this morning. I did a few other things outside of that but, due to the intensity of the experience, little else seems to bubble up when I think about the day. The pain level was somewhat high but nothing unbearable. The people performing the operation where ever so excellent. He really had to yank on my head to get the poor little guy(s) out since the one he wanted was fused to one of my wisdom teeth. It was admittedly a scary feeling on those occasions when I could feel the force pulling the strength of my neck the opposite direction.

The greatest pain afterward pretty much only lasted a few hours. Then the pain medication actually seemed to work and, besides making me fairly dizzy, has kept me feeling well enough to enjoy the peace of the evening with my folks.

The exposed life of Walter Mitty.

I walked into this experience with somewhat high expectations. It looked to have a decent level of ambitious storytelling, both visual and otherwise, and had a fairly blank slate at the same time, as far as my foreknowledge of the short story or its early movie rendition. I was basically starting off with a somewhat anxious and positive perspective as a viewer.

This movie does well in every cinematic element I am critical about. I enjoyed the contextual use of typography, in both the opening sequence as well as sprinkled throughout the movie. I really enjoyed the cinematography and locations(makes me wanna visit Iceland and Greenland even more than I already wanted to.) The music was rad - good orchestration that often utilized more rock/folk kinds of music from time to time, which highlighted one of my favorites - Jose Gonzales. The humor/drama was blended nicely and well done on both accounts. The special effects were good enough to never be distracting at all... which is a big accomplishment in itself under my watchful editing inclinations.

In my curiosity about how it rated critically, I did some digging around on a couple major review sites and came to a couple realizations. 1. This movie seemed to be curiously disconnected from the critics as it mostly fell somewhat flat in the general critical review. 2. Reading their specific reactions led me to realize that critics are often quite disconnected from the general publics response to any given movie considering how much better it was received by the non-paid critical review, which was quite a bit more positive. The idea that critics are likely very good at evaluating the artistic and/or technical merits of a film does not necessarily help them understand what will connect with the audience at large. They essentially lack the more human sensibility of how to review a film, broadly speaking. I hope, as I continue to review films in the future, that I do not slide into this category of reviewer myself(assuming I have not done so already.) I write these with the hope that they will mean something to the normal people I associate with more than the possibility of critical conversation among the critically elite.

Anyway, I really like the movie a lot. A solid 8.5 to 9 Benjamin Buttons out of 10.

One more fog day for good measure.

Well, we almost got back to normal today... if the fog didn't roll in and wipe that notion out like Windex on a dirty window. No worries, though... the paycheck will make it all better. Ha.

Inside the merry Christmas.

I really enjoyed letting the cares of my working life take a rest today. Sleeping in and getting to things at a casual pace is really quite the pleasing thing to do in the middle of the week. I have a yearly update due over the next couple or so days but I don't mind putting it off a little... higher quality is more important than just getting it done.

Solitary holiday.

It seems like it could be a bit on the sad side of things but I actually appreciate having nobody around for a little while. It might kind of beckon back to my past desires of becoming a hermit... as if the hermit-status was something to aspire to. Ha. Anyway, the quite and slow pace of solitude can be quite a blessing if it is appreciated properly.

Dizzy daze.

I suppose when you work something like a  bazillion hours in a very short span of time your senses tend to take a bit of a beating. The mental faculties certainly find a new form of functioning as well... and generally not in a way one would consider beneficial under most circumstances. Though, it can make things kinda fun sometimes, too. Ha.

Like something straight out of a black comedy.

I was literally talking on the phone, to the person I was asked by to watch his bird while he is away, when I discovered that his bird had died and was lying on the ground of the cage on it's back... with it's eyes and mouth slightly open. So sad and equally so crazy! I nearly laugh at the very unrealistic seeming nature of the whole event. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. Ha.

Snowin' all over the place.

Even though it was cold, and certainly inconvenient, I quite enjoyed the snow we experienced at work today. It really made for a different kind of experience and I think the oddity of it was as much fun as it was challenging. Not something I could ever really expect to happen again, since each snow day I might experience in the future will certainly be organized differently, but I look forward to the next one anyway.

Holiday paychecks should be nice.

Especially after such consistently long shifts, regularly rolling into overtime hours, and generally squeezing a pretty high dose of my energy right out of me. It makes for a fantastic nap afterward, though, so that's another one of the benefits, I suppose. Now I just need to make sure I survive the commute there and back tomorrow!

Creativity in conductivity.

Some people mix so well with my creative wave length that my brain gets all buzzy and excited after even hanging out with them... it is an inspiring event that I look forward to running on for a while. Awesome!

I have the time.

I just need to make better use of it. I have a lot of ideas and things to be doing so I certainly don't have time to be bored. That is a pretty rare thing for me anyway. Time is one of the most valuable resources we find in life!

Bundles of things to do.

Today felt a little like an explosion of tasks in my life. All sorts of main-life projects, as well as several side projects, came at me seemingly all day long. It might have only been a couple or so in total but it certainly felt like more. I am a little overwhelmed at the moment but I do feel optimistic about things as a whole... and that's a great way to get things started, I have to say.

Beginning to break off ties.

Knowing that I will soon be leaving the branch I have slowly started informing the most important people of the upcoming changes. I have, in a few or so instances thus far, always been met with supportive, sympathetic responses which further confirm my decision to do so as the correct thing to do. It still is not a very easy thing to do but I am glad for the help and look forward to the mysterious future that will unfold because of it.

Very tired... but the big week is still to come.

I think there are a lot of things I could be doing better in life. Scheduling sleep at a more normal time might be one of the most important things to prioritize... though, I just never seem to be all that motivated. I hope I don't literally start breaking down before I am inspired to change those crummy habits.

More audio production experience.

Audio production is pretty much always tough. Whether it is the acquisition, production, or post-production, I always feel like I am not quite hitting the mark I set for myself... which is, often enough, an already somewhat low mark. Anyway, it is always good practice to say the least and something I enjoy doing from time to time. Plus it's nice to get paid for it.

More fog money.

Today was epic... to the tune of almost 11-hours(almost 6 of them overtime) of paid labor. Somewhat like the way a natural disaster causes a variety of unique life events, this natural non-disaster(the overly foggy morning) offers me a similar experience, though without the pains of actual destruction involved. It was a fun, unique day. I look forward to the paycheck! Ha.

Casting auditions are quite interesting.

Strangely, today was the very first time I participated in a casting audition for a production of any type. It was something that was fairly unlike anything I have been a part of before, despite the many easily comparable elements that are shared with several other situations. I feel like I learned a little about people in general, a little bit about actor direction, a little about the effects of pressure and intensity, and a little about the etiquette of such events. All kinds of good learning!

Back in the action.

I probably say this every time it happens, but I am quite thrilled to get to play table tennis again even though I will not likely be able to make it super regular. I was somewhat rusty tonight but still played fairly well and felt like my game could come back in a couple months or so if I am diligent about it. Plus, I would like to get some new rubber for my paddle and I might be able to justify it if I play a bit more. Ha.

Who's got game?

It turns out that some people who I'm pretty sure have plenty of game, don't think they have game themselves... which, while it is somewhat puzzling, should not really surprise me. The game can be a scary thing to anybody except the ignorant, overly optimistic or the apathetic. None of those people are necessarily wrong, either. It's just the way it is sometimes. And what the heck am I even doing about it? Ha. Ugh.

The unexpected sleep-over.

It doesn't happen all that often but it's kind of nice when it does. I semi-accidentally skip my whole journal process for a night and just crash wherever I happen to be laying down at the time. Certainly not the kind of thing I would like to make a habit of since my journals are quite important to me but small deviations from the pattern add a little bit of interest in some unexpected ways, I think.

Remembering table tennis.

Every time I play the game it seems to be rife with nostalgic recollection. I guess this is the kind of thing that happens when one goes from a high-frequency activity to basic inactivity and eventually revisits said thing from time to time. It gives me a certain appreciation for it all that I guess I didn't realize before.

Slowly putting myself together.

Sometimes it seems that the vast number and variety of things on my plate are quite a bit disjointed and I am simply a figure lost somewhere in the middle, loosely connected to each of them by little more than my intention to fulfill them in whatever fashion the belong. I do my school thing, my church thing, my artistic thing, my music thing, my business thing, my social thing, and each of them branch further into many more specific endeavors of various extent. The more specific and specialized any given project might be, the more disconnected from it I often feel.

Lately I have been seeing more and more moments of more strengthened connections to these projects of mine. It is a sort of feeling like they are somehow more easily accessible and real to me... closer, even. It's a nice feeling. I think life is somehow a bit more cohesive than usual, I suppose.

A funny face is worth something, I guess.

I had an interesting compliment given me today and it might have been, verbatim, this: "Your face is so funny looking!" It could have seemed like something potentially negative but, knowing the context which inspired the compliment, it was more easily recognized for its positive nature and I found it to be quite appreciated. The more interesting part about all of this, though, is that even though I have long thought of myself as a semi-funny guy, I have never really thought of myself as having increased humorous talents based on my visual appearance. I kind of recall somebody complimenting the "interesting facial expressions" I sometimes make(which at the time was totally revelatory) but I was not under the impression is actually added to my comedic delivery as much as it seems that it might. Perhaps I need to do some more legitimate research on the topic to really draw any more substantial conclusions.

Creating for the fun of all!

I think that the closer I get to graduation the more I am starting to see opportunities emerge... which is pretty much exactly how I was hoping it would work, though to be honest, not how I expected it to happen. Some of it is the opportunities afforded me by my newly improved skill set and ambition to use it with or without external support. The rest of it, however, seems to be nicely planted in the soil of actual industry. Score!

Getting to the nitty gritty good times.

Each new class project we are assigned this term seems like a better learning experience than many of the recent ones have been. It might be simply a matter of perspective but I think it has a lot to do with the chemistry of the class mates and teacher. It's a pleasant change of pace despite the expected challenges it presents!

Life changes can be interesting.

Maybe, rather, they are always interesting. Expected or not I am certain the next couple or so months are going to be quite the journey. School will be getting close to finished, work will continue to evolve(pay raise, among other things), and my personal life may or may not start to become somewhat different(no particular ideas about how... just a feeling, really.) Maybe that is just how life always is and I usually just don't notice. Ha.

Crafting a vision.

The process of art is always one that starts in obscurity, seeking clarity, and finding definition to one degree or another. I have always had a pretty clear vision of what I want when it comes to a story I would like to tell through film, but that is actually a somewhat false claim, as I have come to find out, because each time I have tried to do it I have been met with so many unexpected diversions of my intent that it has yet to materialize with any high degree of fidelity at all. In short, art is very hard!

Performing for the people.

I think performance is just one of those things that is always organic and energetic. The variety of things that one experiences, whether emotional, mental, physical, or otherwise is quite extensive and interesting. It seems like there is always something to learn about one's self as well as the audience in general... and every audience is different on top of that! Gobs of fun challenges, indeed!

Vicarious living.

Which probably sounds sort of mischievous or dangerous... but the way I am thinking of it is something different altogether. It is the life one experiences in their social networking endeavors. The place that has become more and more emotionally responsible over the years. The place which has literally become the second half of one's normal existence in many cases. I am quite guilty of finding my own residence there in many of the same aspects. Which might not be so bad in some respects but is likely not entirely healthy either. In any case I think I might have a much higher appreciation(or need) for it that I probably should. Just something to think about, I guess.

Black Friday non-madness.

I don't think I was quite aware of the situation I was in at work at this time last year, since I was a relatively new employee at UPS, but I am quite relieved by the lightened workload that my crew switches over to during peak season due to the nature of our work. It is basically the complete opposite of what I have been used to for so many years at all of the retail jobs I have had... which is generally considered the craziest part of the year and a total headache in most normal terms. Despite the fact that I am working on Thanksgiving Day the work will be generally easier and the pay will be greater and it will only stay better until the peak season is over. This is very nice indeed!

Doing the fun things.

The latest video contest looks to be a fun one which shows promise considering the folks I will be collaborating with this time. Good talent with fun attitudes to match. It'll be somewhat difficult working around Thanksgiving Day and all that but I still think we'll be able to pull something sweet off.

Gospel exploration.

I am always touched to hear about the personal interactions my friends have with the spirit. It is even more touching to realize those experiences might be their first such experiences as they are searching for the truth. It is inspiring! Especially to hear the specific language of their soul-searching. It is so humble and pure and uncluttered with the sometimes unnecessary language I am so prone to expressing. I hope to find that part of myself again someday.

Gladitude for gratitude.

I really enjoy every reminder of how grateful I should be for all that I have. I know how far I fall short in almost every way and every step I have taken forward has not been on my own. What a blessing it is to even realize that at all!

New band mates are fun!

I really enjoy the family of our band in general but it is always cool to adopt new folk into the mix and most assuredly so when the new folk are cool, fun people. It looks like it will continue to be a very fun crew moving forward and I hope we are able to really put some energy into making it last. This is one of the greater reasons I am in a band these days. The creative outlet would probably be the other main reason, though, I am sure that is the expected one if anybody knows me to just about any degree.

Small successes still sing sweetly to my soul.

We had a good gig tonight and the audience seemed to enjoy it even! It was pretty small but I think we did our part by having our own fun for sure. The band is meshing well and looks to have good staying power despite the few little hiccups in our performance tonight. I think it's the ability to just play through them that gives me that idea. It's a refreshing sort of thing in its own way.

Feeling a little less my age.

I suppose if I do a little bit more physical activity throughout the week I should expect it to happen. Which is certainly a very nice side effect of doing the things that I actually enjoy. It would also be wise for me to do some things with a little variety, too. Good for the brain and the body. Boom!

Colder days ahead.

The temperature has quickly dropped over the last couple or so days. It really feels like the very middle of winter and it makes the prospect of working outdoors a little more challenging. I'm not really afraid of it, per se, but the work does gain a different perspective because of it. I suppose it becomes more "work"-ish. Ha.

Things aren't so bad after all.

It was really nice to find out I am not as broken as I thought at my physical therapy appointment today. The therapist guy seemed pretty positive that I would be able to get back to a fairly pain-free form of existence if I do the things he prescribes. It seems like it is mostly just a bunch of stretches and stuff that should have the biggest impact. Improving my posture is also important. Now it's on me to do my part and make it all happen!

Challenges among us.

I like the prospect of the unknown future. It is a great collaboration of the unknown possibilities and ongoing outcomes. Combine all of this with the power of learning and it really becomes something magical. Brushstrokes across the unfettered canvas of the mind... tickling the sensations, enriching the colorful dreams, laying lines into the blank, unscripted landscape of potential.

Here comes the penultimate term!

And a good term it shall be! I think the class content should be quite enjoyable and very manageable and light on the stress levels, generally speaking. Sure, they'll have their challenges but it will definitely be quite mitigated by the attitude of near departure. The time is soon at hand and for that I am a happier fellow indeed!

One day power outage.

Can easily turn into a two day journal hiatus. Whoops! How easily we forget the normal things in life. Anyway, I'm glad I remembered to do this the morning after. Too bad I don't have anything significant stirring around in my brain at this time of day. Ha.

Ramping up a little.

Today seemed like a slightly amplified productivity-version of yesterday(that's a clunky mouthful. ha.) I did some more tinkering and sorting/organizing. I even got out of the house for a couple hours which is always good for some positive attitude adjustment. Spending hours on end within the confines of my bedroom is not the healthiest thing I can be doing. Ha.

Strolling through the break at a casual speed.

I know I could have been way more productive today but I feel pretty good about my general laziness anyway. I was a fairly productive tinkerer by getting my room a little more organized with the sound system and whatnot. I sort of skipped my creative opportunities so that's kind of dumb... no worries, though, since I still have lots of days left in this break.

Doing the good things.

It always makes the day much better. Not that I am often engaged in doing the bad things but I am often found doing the non-things... which is almost worse than bad things most of the time. I don't always remember the positive feeling of doing the good thing and therefore overlook it from time to time. The ever persistent learning experience!

Sometimes I think I think more deeply about things than is necessary.

Though it only usually becomes apparent when I am trying to describe something to somebody and they sort of get lost in my description. Some of that might just be my verbose tendencies of explanation but the semi-blank looks where also telling of something other than that. I don't like disconnecting from people in just about any way... I just need to get better at simplifying my initial thoughts about things from time to time. It just makes life easier for sure!

Learning more about myself through the experience of others.

I have heard it said that intelligence is learning how to get through a problem on your own... and that wisdom is learning how to avoid the same problem before it happens because of the example of others who have already dealt with the problem. Sure, wisdom might also be called "knowledge properly applied" but that doesn't really lend insight as to how one might gain it. In any case, I am quite glad to be blessed by the experience of others who are willing to share it!

Healthyish.

So, it seems I am a reasonably healthy fellow. I do still have the results of my blood tests to find out more of the story so I can't say it's all peaches and apples(not sure what that means) but I might be in much better shape than I originally thought otherwise. I guess I may have been a little paranoid about things all these years... or maybe skeptical would be a nicer way to put it. Ha.

So ready to see the doctor!

Tomorrow will be my first appointment in forever and I am quite excited to start on a path to recovering my body's health. I know I don't exactly take the best care of it in the first place but I know there are things that can certainly improve when the usable knowledge is obtained. Fun times for everyone!

The future of media is bright.

And I am glad I have a good foot in the right direction therein. It is quite encouraging to know what great resources are already around you and how much open space is left to be explored regardless. It's also nice that I happen to really enjoy doing it in the first place! Ha.

Emphasis of sound moral principles.

I am thankful for a challenging learning environment. I had a class assignment which forced me to examine the opposing side of a particular political issue which I hold strong feelings about. I found it to be very challenging, somewhat sickening at times, to even read through the literature provided by the opposing view... it seemed so vile and hollow and detrimental. Despite all of this, I believe my studies in this way have been incredibly valuable. And, if anything, they deepened my previous beliefs on the topic and reinforced my commitment to them. The work of a testimony, in a way.

Looking forward to my first doctor's appointment in years.

Today, I was able to set up a doctor's appointment for the first time since I was in high school, now that my insurance has finally kicked in. I want to get a thorough examination of all my physical challenges so I can possibly get some things fixed and I am sure I am way overdue. I am sure there'll be lots to figure out and it only seems like life can get better because of it even if I find out potentially negative news. Knowledge is more powerful than the body!

Life only moves forward.

I had some great reinforcing thoughts today about the importance of not looking back. This totally jives with my other thoughts about the need to not be so hard on myself since it is somewhat enabling in that cause. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't remember the important things of our past which are instructive and motivational, though, and perhaps it simply draws the difference between remembering the past and looking back on it. In any case, it is all very encouraging to me so that's pretty cool.

Going easy on myself.

I think I'm starting to realize the unnecessary challenges I might be bringing upon myself by my somewhat intense self-criticism. I expect a lot of myself, which is a good thing, but I think I tend to do it to a fault. It seems that it often leads me to inaction, paralyzing my efforts to do anything I am not entirely sure will live up to my personal expectations. It can often lead me to be more sad about my failures than I need to be as well. So, I think I need to relax a bit... and not be so hard on myself all the time. Just keep moving forward!

Bumbling through another day.

I have so much to do and so much time to do it. Not a common phrase you hear uttered but it really is true in my case. Not a statement of sarcasm but a realization of how mismanaged my time is. There is so many hours in the day that I spend in complete waste. I could have been SO productive today. Ha. Sheesh. I guess it shows how important sleep and well-being are to motivation.

Wondering where my dependence has gone?

I have been so independent of a relationship for so long that it is somewhat frightening to me when I think about how I have somehow gotten along without it all these years. I know that I need my friends for their human, positive influences... but what about the more meaningful relationships?

I know, through logical realization as well as my limited personal experience, that the more intimate relationships have the greatest potential for positive life change... yet I seem to lack the compelling drive to find one, beyond my own dispositions to find that which I assume fits me the best. Why am I so picky? It is like I somehow feel like I should be, and can be, even though experience has shown me that doing so simply foregoes the greater good.

It seems like what I am seeking is actually a fantasy... like it doesn't actually exist. But, rather, I think I had a semi-new revelation about this today - that it actually does exist, but that I simply seem to either ignore it or just don't know how to see it despite its possible presence in my life from time to time. It is something I need to be more faithful about.

I need to be much more proactive, in any case!

The delightfully long conversations.

I really enjoy catching up with old friends. Especially ones that are great conversationalists, and even more especially, in person. It's a great way to recenter yourself, too. It really helps to set your mind straight a little... the people that know you so well.

Slowly wrapping up the final general education classes.

It feels good to be down to the last couple weeks. I still have a decent amount of work to do but it looks to be quite reasonable and even somewhat fun if I am smart about it. Some political stuff and some financial stuff and mostly presentation-style in form. I like writing papers on occasion... but I always enjoy giving presentations. Fun times!

Service to the unknown.

There is a different sort of thing which happens in the service of someone unknown, or even unseen, that is a blessing to the heart of the renderer of said service. It is an act of faith which claims a blessing in a way different than that of the service rendered to those we know better. It is a powerful, important sort of thing which literally blesses every person connected to it. And I am grateful for the knowledge of this and the many opportunities I have to experience it... as I am always changed in a positive way through its divinely bestowed influence.

Photo editing is fun.

At least it is fun when the proper tools are available. It is always fun to look into the moments expressing a friend's inner enjoyment and external beauty. A nice peaceful moment, an exciting joyful moment, and a candid pensive moment... which might be somewhat cliche for photography standards... but I still enjoy finding them and seeing how artfully and nicely I can craft them. The hobby of making people look great is quite a fun one indeed!

Glow-face Voldemort.

But it could have been so much more. In any case I can't really complain about the result. It seemed to be generally entertaining at the least. Plus, I think I'm starting to enjoy the process of applying all that transformational makeup anyway... a weird sort of artistic endeavor I think. Well... weird for me, anyway. Fun weird!

Forgetting the best thoughts of the day.

Which is totally normal but still kind of annoying. It would be nice to be able to record the cooler ones as I have them so I can pull them up for review when I finally do get to writing things down... but I suppose it's a whole different kind of thing by that point anyway. No loss, really... I guess it's just the way things evolve. Or maybe I'm just saying that to feel good about forgetting the good stuff. Ha.

Back in the online saddle.

Work has been pretty bonkers over the last couple days and I think I got derailed a bit from my online happenings. Anyway, I'm back and somehow more aware of the boring nature of my postings, relatively speaking. I have made the resolutions to improve my writing here in the past on multiple occasions but have never really followed through very well... I think I need to give that another shot. Entertainment is important, I think. So... now it's time for me to go to bed. Ha.

Entertainment as a gift.

I am always quite happy to be the entertainer. There are so many different ways I am lucky enough to fill this role, some of them more subtle than others, and they all make me feel like my life's gifts are well used. Maybe it's sort of nice to be efficient from time to time!

The inclination to defend myself.

Earlier today I read a well-written blog post by a gal(who thought of herself as an "older" young single adult) which addressed many of her thoughts about the "older" ysa crowd that seem to be misunderstood or overlooked. I like her commitment and candor to her defense of many of the common misperceptions and I even found it somewhat encouraging to realize I am not the only person who thinks of some of these things.

For reference here is her blog post: http://katierosebastian.blogspot.com/2013/10/setting-record-straight.html

Anyway... I don't feel the need to be critical of what small percentage of her comments don't quite hit the mark for me... rather, I am thankful she took the time to make a statement in a way I have not yet(and even still currently) devoted enough time to doing myself. Here's to being lazy about it, I guess! Ha.

Transformation.

I do enjoy the opportunity to put a new face on once in a while. It's sort of a perspective thing but I'm sure there's more to it than that.

I occasionally think about the idea of myself inside of my body and how I am definitely fixed into this shell forever. It could be fun to be inside a different life sometimes though that doesn't mean I'm in any way dissatisfied with my own. I just like the idea of personal insight... learning to empathize with other life situations.

Anyway, I like dressing up into other things. It's good fun.

Fog and the money inside it.

I have to say I am quite thankful for the overtime and all that... but I am not sure I really enjoy sitting around all day. Ha. It is always fun to get a change of pace, though, and the diversity of tasks is always cool, too... so I can't really complain. Just reflect.

The audience of one.

Sometimes we do things so that people will think good things of us. Sometimes the simple appearance seems important to maintain for the benefit of the world. It is not very common when the intended audience has shrunken to the sum total of a single person. I supposed it probably isn't actually a bad thing but it certainly feels strange when put into perspective... perhaps greedy, as well. Ha.

The highly productive day.

Especially the ones with a wide variety of people and activities... they're pretty much awesome every time. Plus it looks like my coming term at school will be a pretty nice schedule for once. Things are always looking up... I guess I just have a hard time seeing that sometimes! Ha.

Rolling into the storm.

The political scene of the times is certainly a turbulent one. I am not a particularly politically-minded fellow but I am interested to see what happens over the next few days. I think there will be a lot of important changes to take place and a lot of growing pains to go with them. I should be more diligent in my journal content surrounding it, I think.

Wreckless week beginning.

Sometimes I just wanna throw caution to the wind... whatever that means. Ha. I don't really know... but it felt like that is kinda what I was doing today. I expect a good week, though, as I have a lot of solid opportunities in a wide variety of important life circumstances; social, career, school. All in all I expect good things to come. That's pretty cool in my book!

Reaching out to each of us.

I am so thankful for my knowledge that God loves all of His children. He never stops trying to draw us back to Him. He never stops offering us every possible opportunity to grow, change and improve. We are all blessed with a piece of His character in different ways. We are ALWAYS blessed for taking ANY steps in His direction. What a beautiful blessing life is!

Car challenges.

Why do car brake systems fall down, son? So we can learn to put them back together... the right way. Luckily I have all of Monday to tackle that challenge. Ha.

Beyond that things were all kinds of good today. Loves me some good band practice fo' show!

Strength in numbers.

It all begins with one as me
Yet one more is more than me
In freedom found is found between
The faithful courage synergy

A needful piece within the life
A gentle, kind and simple way
A friendship keen and deep within
A smile finds my soul today

Always still a human.

No matter how much I skip the real parts of life they never actually go away... and when them remind me of their presence I am sometimes annoyed and surprised... but mostly just humbled. I guess it's much better to keep moving forward with a piece of reality in view instead of pushing it off to the side where I might forget about it.

I love saving money on car repairs.

But I am sure that is one of those things in life that is so universal that there is literally not one person who prefers the opposite... so, ya... I guess I'm preaching to the choir on that one.

Anyway, it always feels good to do your own car work. It's sort of like getting around the system in a way. Plus it's a fairly empowering feeling once you've finished all your work and the car is actually working how it's supposed to. This will hopefully be the result once I finish my work tomorrow or Friday.

School is interesting.

It occasionally has true moments of boredom but generally is full of things to push my thinking in one way or another. Today was all kinds of interesting stuff with a good dose of motivational energy. I don't know what it means for me tomorrow or the next day but that's okay... I think it'll grow into something useful in the future... which is the purpose of school I guess.

Better late than never!

This is true of several sorts of things in life. Keeping a record, even if it is a bit foggy or misinformed, is still better than no record at all. Doing the right thing is always better done than not. Even getting started on a family falls into this category... even though I'd much rather not continue on with the lateness for this one!

Anyway... it was a good day. And now, even though the rains are blustery and beatingful, I expect this to be a good week... mostly because of my attitude, I suppose.

Rolling toward a new life.

It often feels this way after general conference weekend. My hope for the better things is bolstered and my expectations of a better self are improved. I think the coming week will be quite the start despite my own attempts to do otherwise. Ha.

Finding inspiration.

This is something I need to try to do with much more energy and effort. I was quite happy to feel many glimpses of it throughout the day today... and I definitely look forward to it tomorrow. I can certainly find many new pieces of hope to enjoy at the very least.

Doing thing well enough.

I am realizing how much I have changed my perspective of the importance of good grades as I roll into my final three terms. Mostly, it seems I am quite happy just to be passing a class more than getting the A that I was so bent on getting during the earlier part of my college education. My G.P.A. is still doing pretty well and will still end up in the middle to high 3.5ish range no matter what I do since there is so few classes left. It is a little disappointing in some ways but quite realistic in others. I guess it happens to everybody in one way or another.

Likeminded people.

Sometimes I think that meeting as a group of people that happen to share a common goal is a little bit weird... and depending on their goal, creepy. Ha. I don't mind being a part of that group, however, since that goal is all about fun... or at least telling a good story.

I have not met up with this particular group more than once in the past but I am certain it is time well spent that I intend to repeat in the future. Lots of friendly smiles and good ideas were shared tonight and I would like to contribute whenever I can. Fun times!

Closing in on the final stages of schooling.

It seems my time is drawing near FAR faster than I was really preparing for. I do still have two and a half more terms left before graduation actually happens... but... I am definitely not caught up on my portfolio polish for that in almost any degree of my own personal satisfaction. Ooogah.

Luckily, I still have some time to get things done. And it is quite excellent that I am gaining opportunities to advance my experience to this end. One of my teachers has given me a couple calls now to do some work on a couple projects and I think the experience is most satisfying. I better get my butt in gear and make use of all this awesomeness!

I guess I still had tons of stuff to be doing.

So today could have been much more productive... but it wasn't too bad. I have a handful or more projects that need some attention and I guess it's okay to get rolling on them a little bit slower than normal. I don't like being a jerk about it but I'm not perfect.

So, the rest of the week is looking pretty solid. I think it'll be all kinds of good experience.

The power of a song.

Music is one of the most powerful, yet somewhat mysterious, forces in the universe. How does it actually work? What is it about audible frequencies that can have such personal impact? These are not new questions, either, but I don't really feel like they have been answered with any real clarity before.

I am quite glad for music. It has always had a big place in my life even when I am not the participating contributor of said music. I am honestly not sure which I prefer more - playing or listening?(especially since playing is essentially just a different form of listening) It's all pretty cool in my book.

Working on the next album.

It hardly feels like work sometimes even though it never feels easy either. It was the first time practicing in more than a month and I think it went quite well. It was my first time playing with the new sax player and I was quite impressed. I'm really digging the songs we're writing for the next album, too. They are pretty challenging but nothing ridiculous. I really look forward to see how the next ones turn out!

28 daze later.

It is strange to me that I had never seen this movie before today considering it's highly attractive position in culture and media. Nonetheless, it deserves a review relative to the current state of life, as its general message seems even more relevant today than it did when it was originally released.

I watched this movie in the regular theatrical release form and everything about it was excellent. It felt very believable, had excellent character development and relationships, was unpredictable, intense but not necessarily dark, and I found it to be a great movie experience. I really enjoyed watching the director's commentary on the deleted scenes and alternate endings which also gave very interesting insight to the movie retrospectively. It definitely made very poignant commentary on some of the challenges of society today. I was surprised to read the dvd case afterward stating the movie was "hailed as the most frightening film since The Exorcist" since, even though it was a fairly intense movie at times, it never really seemed actually scary to me... which is a fairly unusual thing for me since I usually don't go for horror movies since I tend to have an overactive imagination. It certainly left me thinking about things, don't get me wrong, just not the horror sorts of things that a horror movie usually does.

Anyway, I think that covers all the base points I wanted to hit. Giving the movie a number rating, I would put it at a 25 out of 28 days. Not perfect by any means but strong in every respect. High quality film making that would entertain any fan of the zombie-horror genre or Danny Boyle(the director.)

The myth of extra time.

It really feels weird not working constantly after having gone through the fair experience. To be honest I am really enjoying it even though I really enjoyed working at the fair as well. Now the challenge is actually planning how to spend that time the most efficiently, productively, and not overwhelmingly... which is something I have never been very good at... so I best practice good tomorrow!

Nothing quite like cleaning the bedroom.

And I think I've probably written about this very subject before... which, I suppose, might lend emphasis to the idea that there really is nothing quite like cleaning the bedroom. It does all kinds of good things for life... the least of which is a clean space to be in.

A good bit of brain stretching.

I really like school because it offers me great opportunities to flex my brain muscles nearly to their limits. I get to interact with intelligent, dynamic, humorous people. My time feels well spent despite the seeming lack of observable production. School is definitely my friend!

Mini life reset.

Today was quite the pleasant non-day. I slept in. I ate food. I watched videos. I took a nap. I did some cleaning. I worked on some photos. I thought about the coming week a little bit. I also put some gas in the tank so I wouldn't have to do it tomorrow morning on my way to work. Pretty much exactly what I wanted to follow my bazillion-hour work weeks as of late. Now I'm really looking forward to a solid week!

Revealing yourself.

It is a very tricky, and powerfully transformative, are of personal and social dynamics. I am normally quite for opening myself to others in order for them to know me better... but I think I have realized today that I have taken a couple steps away from that position lately. I don't really know when it may have happened, either. And it may not necessarily be a bad thing... but it does feel a little weird. In any case I am curious as to why I think I have changed in this way. Further examination is needed for sure.

I am surrounded by heroes.

Every one of my friends are tremendous inspirations to me. They each contribute their own unique perspectives and experiences which truly motivate me to strive for the best things in life. I want to be like them. I want to give everything I can in return. Truly!

Only two days left.

The pain of working a bazillion hours will soon come to a close. Both shifts in between me and this freedom will be long and likely painful but I'm down. It'll build character I guess. Ha.

Squeezing in a few more hours.

I am glad I had a lot of nap sleep today since it helped me feel pretty good during the evening which enabled me to happily head into an unexpected shift at the Dairy Bar. Energy, my friend. Energy. It is the key to a positive attitude most of the time. And, as we all know, life is something like 1% what happens to you and 99% how you react to it. Okay, I'm sure that's not the quote but I think it's basically true anyway. Ha.

A little bit if disorientation.

I guess it is a natural thing since I am far removed from what I expected to be when I was a child. I don't recall thinking 35 and unmarried even seemed possible. So here I am... treading daily in territory that didn't really exist in my mind for most of my life. I think, in many ways, I might subconsciously deny the reality of it on a pretty regular basis as it is. But time just keeps pressing on no matter how much I might think(or try to pretend) otherwise. Maybe it's not so bad to do that anyway... I rather prefer to live in ignorance of certain things that have the potential to turn my attitude sour anyway.

Court is interesting.

We had a mock trial at school today and it was quite the interesting experience. There was a reasonable level of preparation and creative production that went into the whole thing and it really made it have a somewhat viable feel to it that made me think hard about the circumstances surrounding it. It also gave me a somewhat real feeling of tension and relief when it was all over. I would like to witness a real trial at some time in my life just to see the difference of how it feels comparatively(not as a connected participator, of course.)

Compression.

The day is so similar to yesterday, and the number of significant activities was so small, that it basically feels like I was just writing my entry in here just hours ago... or something like that. The day was solid, as far as things accomplished is concerned, but somewhat boring in it's execution since it was mostly just a work day. Tomorrow will definitely be something quite different, I am sure, since it is a school day.

The unending machine.

Even though work was remarkably easier today than it was yesterday I still feel the exhaustion of the ongoing expense of my personal time and energy. My brain is pretty zapped as well(if it wasn't easy to tell by my clunky word usage this post.) And tomorrow... it all continues just as expected... so much for the homework. Ha.

Slowing down at work.

I have become so exhausted over the last couple or so days that my pace at work has definitely slowed down. I don't think this is really a bad thing, though, as it just seems like the natural, smart thing to do most of the time.

Survival of the energiest?

These long days are pretty rough on the body and mind... and life. Ha. I am glad they won't be lasting too much longer. Oh, the return of sanity will be nice!

A possibility of extended education.

Talking with a rep for a school offering master's degrees today I came to think of my possibilities along that particular line of thought. There are many factors which need to fall into place for me to consider it more heavily but they are not entirely unlikely to occur so I guess it might be a possibility in my future. Either way it is a somewhat exciting prospect!

Hotter than heck-knob!

It is one thing to work on a hot day...

 • it is another thing entirely to work inside without a/c on that hot day...

 • and it is still another thing to work around and among things which could quench that particular heat...

 • and yet still another thing to work nearly non-stop for most of the day...

But... who's complaining?(I mean, other than me. ha) I actually had fun, despite all of this. Memories!

Political division.

It is certainly an interesting thing to listen to all of the opinions and ideas that people have about various political topics. So many things create such distinct lines for people despite the lack of clarity and definition certain situations may have. In some ways it seems like simply having an opinion is the default reaction even if there isn't a very evident body of knowledge to support it. It might simply be a part of the nature of politics themselves.

Appearances.

I suppose things are never really as they appear. And, as much as I prefer to be as open, honest, and outwardly visible to others as possible, I will always appear to be something/someone else than I really am... and I suppose I should be totally fine with that. I guess it is a reality that I have been unnecessarily fighting against for so much of my life.

Crankin' out the cream.

I am definitely getting better at serving out the soft-serve but I know I have a long way to go. I think I have probably cleared a hundred or so cones so far... I wonder how many it will be when this whole fair thing is over and done in a couple weeks.

Anyway... I like my new temporary job. Good fun with good people and good ice cream!

It's nice to take a day off once in a while.

Even if all you do all day long is pretty much nothing. I like to keep myself busy, generally speaking, but totally continuous busyness is not good for a person either. Thus... today...

The horrifying non-trail.

Next time one decides to hike in the dark on a beautiful, dangerous mountain top... he or she should be more diligent to follow the known, safer path... it's just smarter to do that... believer me, I know.

Standing in line takes talent.

I would know... I tried to do it for about two and a half hours today and, even though I didn't complain about it, don't really think I was much of a "standing in line" sort of person. It felt like a serious ordeal. It turned out to be worth the time spent but that doesn't really make it all better in the long run. Ha.

Working at the fair looks to be fun!

I think the energy of the place is quite infectious. The environment is just full of life and excitement in a way that I was not really expecting. I guess part of it is the simple fact of the cool people I will be working with. It should be quite an experience!

Seeing the other side of the fence once in a while.

I am not a very politically active person in general but I do have my own opinions about things from time to time. I often think of my self as a fairly conservative-minded person but do, on occasion, have feelings of a more liberal-minded nature. My guess would be that, in reality, every person does this more than they would like to admit.

I got to watch a documentary which is heavily liberal-minded in class today and I found myself sympathizing with many of the points it made throughout the movie. It was a little surprising but nothing revolutionary. I think it is a healthy thing, to learn about the thoughts of what is typically considered counter to one's own thinking, and I am glad I took the opportunity to do it tonight.

Grave of emotions.

This will be the review of what was, quite possibly and realistically, the saddest movie I have ever seen.  The movie is called Grave of the Fireflies, an animated feature from Japan, and really is one of the greatest movies I have ever seen. Being described to me as "the saddest movie you will ever see", and being drawn to that sort of movie in general, I felt like I would test the hyperbole of that statement by watching it today. Wow. It was a beautiful kind of sad unlike anything I have ever seen before. It has been several hours since I watched it and even now, as I reflect on various moments in the movie for this review, some of the lingering emotions still resonate deep within me. Seriously.

So... what do I say about it now? The animation is top-notch but nothing overbearing or flashy. Perfectly suited to the story. The music is perfectly complimentary as well. The pace was occasionally slow-ish but never annoying to me. The story is very life-like and tragic(not to say life is tragic, really) and the characters are powerfully realistic to me. It seems to be the story of how war deeply affects the most normal people. It was very easy to imagine myself in such a similar predicament despite my own lack of war experience.

Ultimately, I would give this movie as close to a perfect score as I can feel okay giving a movie... perhaps a 6 out of 7 fruit drops. Truly excellent filmmaking in every respect! I would highly recommend it to anybody who enjoys a high-quality tragedy for sure!

Finding the center.

I'm not a monk or anything but it is certainly good to find my core direction and refocus it once again. The many awesome reminders I find at church are always a good way to recharge that direction. Now, I need to work to carry it all the way through the week into next Sunday so I can repeat the process and continue my path of improvement in life. Easier said than done!

All day games.

I guess this seemed like a good way to wrap up my two-week break from school. I technically still have Monday to go but this is still basically the end of my break. It felt quite lazy but a good way to go. Not much else to say about it, I guess.

The pain of a thousand suns.

Which is extreme exaggeration but is just about how I feel about the pain in my arm. I know I pushed myself too hard during arm-wrestling last Saturday so the pain I feel now, reintroduced by my basketball and work activities today, should come as no surprise. It is an unusually rare occurrence for me, though, so I guess that's why I'm complaining about it. It stinkin' hurts!

Anyway... I look forward to sleeping it off... if that is, indeed, what happens anyway. Ha. Whew!

Still making progress.

I mostly worked on photo edits today and despite the many thousands of hours I have no doubt spent doing this sort of activity over the years I still feel like I am improving my skills in noticeable ways. Some of it comes in the specifically related form of improved photo look and feel, and some of it simply comes in the ability to actually do the editing consistently and continuously. Work is, after all, a learned skill as well. I'm just glad I am able to apply it better to the things that I enjoy doing. Ha.

Catching up with the good people.

I guess one of the perks of getting older is the opportunity to occasionally reconnect with a friend you haven't seen in a long time. In a way, that is probably not technically an actual perk, but it is a basic element of the nature of life. People come and go all the time but the good ones never really leave you... they just take little trips into their own lives from time to time. It's a good thing. Something I am glad I have been able to experience lately!

Unexpected kindnesses.

I really enjoy serving my friends in just about any way possible. I am, therefore, highly appreciative when I am offered reciprocative service in return. Basically, I am super blessed with great friends!

I also really like that when I get to serve others I am usually being productive in the process as well. This is a nice little bonus that I think I usually sort of overlook. Today really turned into a very productive day just because of the service I was lucky enough to enjoy. Cool! I'm not a lazy bum after all!(well, at least some of the time. ha.)

A semi-new beginning.

Which is, I suppose, the way every Sunday should feel to some degree. I have another week of general nothingness ahead of me but I know I can make it productive and good. I already have quite a few plans on the table but there is plenty of room for more. Should be fun.

Home runs are lots of funs.

Played in a softball tournament today and was basically on fire. Fun fire, I guess. And I hope to do that again sometime. End of story.

Where am I headed when there's nobody left?

I will soon enter a time of my life where all of my closest friends have moved away to a different state. It is a good thing for all of them(and likely a good thing for me) but I am a little trepidatious about what I will do... or not do... when this happens. Perhaps I should make plans about it in order to avoid any unnecessary challenges.

Days gone by.

Sometimes a break is nice. Sometimes it is dangerous. Sometimes a break is full of surprises, though most of the time is it quite predictable. Sometimes it is so far away even though it is all around you... or maybe that's just a different kind of break. Meh. Either way, I won't really complain about my current break. Just gotta make the best of it.

Taxi to a distant place close to home.

I just finished watching the movie Taxi Driver for the first time and I thought it would be worth the time to share a few of my thoughts. Plus, it has been a while since I have done any movie reviews and I think it is a good exercise in criticism at the very least.

My first impressions of the movie are that I found it to be very real feeling and candid in its approach. I enjoyed the musical backbone of the whole thing, which never seemed out of place or overbearing, and helped encourage the proper tone at all the right times. I can't recall seeing Robert De Niro in a younger role, nor can I recall seeing him with such a consistently focused demeanor in any other films I have seen him in... which is saying a lot, actually... he is almost always very focused and present in his roles, generally speaking. I don't really know how to describe this, however, other than his conviction and believability in his role.

The cinematography was quite excellent, as well, and I found myself enjoying the creativity and clarity of the images with regularity throughout the entire movie. It further encouraged me to be more purposeful and creative with my own photographic endeavors, whether in cinema or otherwise.

I was quite impressed with the storyline as well. It was never boring or inconsistent. It was also pleasantly unpredictable. I don't even mind being able to predict a decent amount of where a story might be heading but the unpredictability is just a refreshing sort of thing from time to time.

All in all, as far as classic cinema is concerned or otherwise, I will give this movie a solid $20 tip... out of a possible $23(if I'm carrying all my spare change.) It was somewhat dark, on the harsher side of things, but beyond that a very excellent piece of cinematic artwork. I would highly recommend it to any who don't mind a medium-paced, thought-provoking, slice-of-life movie.

No sleep = no safety.

It is somewhat of a mental-specific thing but there are certain physical dangers as well... especially on the road. Ha. But, due to the break in between terms, I get to sleep in for days tomorrow morning... and it will be glorious!

Kicked face or punched feet?

I am pretty wiped out from the strenuous labors of finals week and it is difficult for me to tell which way it went for me. Ha. I already know I will be highly lacking in sleep tonight so I guess I should just run away to bed as soon as possible. Ya, that seems pretty legit.

A moment to stop... and even reflect a little.

The fast pace of life(something which we invariably subject ourselves to, more than it actually being mandated upon us) can often be overwhelming merely for its tendency to reach beyond our ability to grasp it. So many projects, people, and appointments to keep track of. It really takes a good deal of consistency and practice to make any real sense of it all with any proficiency.

Now, after having allowed much of that looming responsibility to sort of float away for a bit, I am quite satisfied that I have regained a bit of my sanity back... even if it might only be somewhat temporary. Ha. It takes practice to stop once in a while.

Finals kick in the face.

I still have so much to do and not nearly enough time. Ha. I guess I did ask for it. Now I must be off to sleep... for the next two hours before I go off to work. Ugh.

Sleeping like a rock.

I slept around 11 full hours last night! Holy flip, that was not expected! This leads me to believe I have been exceptionally sleep deprived over the last... uh... several weeks/months? I don't know... it is probably a pretty awful thing on my body and mind, though. It might even be kicking the crap out of my emotional stability too... though, that's really hard to judge since I have been fairly emotionally stable somehow.

Nothing like a good, pleasant day of church, family, and socializing(with the girl included in the mix) to put things all together for a very nice day.

Editing marathon.

It is a part of my chosen area of study and likely a part of my chosen profession. I DO actually enjoy it, however, there are definitely many things about it which push it into the realm of the less-than-pleasing activities list.

Part of that would just be the simple organization of a multitude of clips on the bigger projects. I am not really used to dealing with such large numbers of usable material so it is a somewhat daunting logistics challenge. There are other things as well, but what I am likely stating in this post is that I am not always on my game when it comes to file organization enthusiasm. Meh. I can't really complain about it, either way.

Learning more about my attractions.

I am finally starting to get a grip on myself a little. It has taken a great deal of meditation and pondering to partially understand the way I work as I attempt to engage in the more meaningful relationships with the opposite sex. It makes me kind of wonder if that is really how the whole process is supposed to be and if it is something that is supposed to continue throughout one's whole life. It is kind of a newer concept to me, anyway, that important relationships with others might always include continued learning about one's self... especially in the context of one's commitment to another.

Blind dates are fun.

I haven't gone on too many of them but I am always interested to meet somebody totally new. Plus, the element of surprise is fun as well. I don't really have the most optimistic expectation, considering how picky and dumb I can be about women, but the mere possibility that she and I might be a good match is still fun to think about. I guess I'll know more about this whole endeavor by tomorrow!

Closing in on the end.

Down to the last week or so with the deadline fast approaching. It is a reasonably worry-free version of the finals week, though, as I only have two classes and feel mostly on top of one of the projects. This is a good state of affairs and something I am certainly grateful for. I suppose that is all I feel like writing about tonight. Ha. It's hot in this bedroom.

Creating and crafting.

The process of producing a piece of visual art is certainly a challenging and lengthy one if quality is to be obtained in any decent level of recognition... uh... good art is hard to make! Today showed me how true that is in many different ways... including the physical challenges of it. I think we will turn out a pretty solid project, once it is all said and done, if we are able to be on top of our game, however. The team has really risen above their typical challenges in fairly pronounced fashion.

Lots of stuff to give away.

I have been packing around WAY too much stuff for WAY too long. It has been somewhat cathartic to finally sort through it all to get rid of most of it.(at least more than 50% of it) I still have quite a bit of work to do but I think I'm down to less than 5 hours of work left on it so that's nice.

Struggling past myself.

I am really beginning to think that life is all about learning self-mastery more than just about anything else. Achieving self-mastery truly opens the doors to all other important facets of life, such as family, service, and the pursuit of truth. I am sure I have a bit of a biased perspective since this might seem more directly relevant to my own life trials... but I really do think the human experience shares these sorts of challenges nonetheless, even if the variety of ways in which they manifest are seemingly quite disparate. This is part of "enduring" to the end.

The big shoot.

I think it all went pretty well and I look forward to the edit. Everybody cooperated with excellent enthusiasm!

Preparation for the big shoot.

Tomorrow(today) is the big Media 2 Final shoot. I could have prepared more but I think I got a good amount in regardless. Now I  just need to sleep more.(which really meant I needed to go to bed hours ago. ha)

Making a connection.

It took a few at bats(okay... five or six, technically) before I actually hit the ball anywhere but straight at one of the opposing team members... but that first good hit was a home run so I guess that's pretty good. Ha. I even hit the next shot exactly as I wanted to just over the short stop's head in the gap to get an RBI or two. My fielding wasn't so stellar but I did alright. All in all, a good fun time.

Basketball was an extreme workout since I got paired up with a somewhat hotheaded dribbley guard guy that thought I would be an easy target, I suppose. I know I'm a beardy, old, short, white guy but that doesn't mean I don't love the game... and that I'm a crummy player... so I felt like I had to prove to him otherwise. It was fun. I hope he learned something. Ha. I am sure I sound like a pompous jerk but it really isn't intended to be that way. I am always more interested in helping to break down stereotypes and people's perceptions more than actually proving my game to anyone. Plus, his team won as he scored on me anyway. No big deal.

The big day.

Weddings are just that... BIG. They are full of emotion, people, food, excitement, fun, and everything else that would add into it's bigness. It's a good ol' time for many of the people involved but always a challenge for the people running the show... which is usually the bride and her mother... and/or a few other mothers and bridesmaids... maybe a groom-related person or two.

I always think they are fun no matter how much responsibility I end up with(whether as a photographer, groomsmen, or basic guest.) It is always nice to really unwind at the end of the day, though, and tonight I expect nothing different. I am really going to rock the bedtime tonight!

The woes of man.

My buddy is, like most of my dude friends(myself included, and probably many of my friend girls), one of the most relationship challenged people. In some ways it is comforting to know that I am not the only one with an immensity of confusion concerning the opposite sex... but I definitely feel for the guy. It is seriously so hard to figure this part of life out! Ha.

Birthday time of the Summer!

I do not recall a more birthday filled time of the year than the last week or so. It is gobs of fun and quite a good way to fill the Summertime. Yee haw!

Getting things in order.

I have lot's of organizing and cleaning on the horizon and as much as a nuisance as it is I am still looking forward to it. Some of it is just getting rid of old junk out of my storage stuff. Some of it is school and homework related stuff. Some of it is basically just life stuff. And most of it feels like it already has a little momentum going for it so that really helps.

Anyway... it will feel really good to get a bunch of things off my back... and shoulders... and head... and face(or wherever I've been keeping that stuff!)

Pieces of the future work.

I really enjoy working on my own. Today was especially nice because I got to work around a giant crop of interesting people and things. I was allowed to compose and capture pretty much anything I wanted to. I am not sure how the footage looks yet but I think it should be pretty fun to put something together that might even be of a decent quality, too.

Ramping up for the weekend.

It has been a splendid Friday but it should be an equally, if not more, splendid Saturday. I have enjoyed a good deal of social interaction, mixed with a little of the important work, and tomorrow looks to be an even bigger dose of both. All kinds of groovy, I'd say.

The old sports are still loads of fun.

I don't really remember the last time I got to play softball but it felt just as awesome to play as I remember it. I don't think the bicycle analogy really fits, since my hitting was pretty awful today, but there is definitely something to it anyway. It is especially nice when the weather is pretty much perfect like it was tonight.

Summertime cruisin'.

Things are so pleasant and relaxing lately. The weather has been ridiculous, the attitudes have been following that trend, the work has been easy, the times are definitely good. So good, I think this somewhat short entry feels just fine anyway. Ha.

In need of more work.

Which may sound kind of strange since I am certainly not really lacking in the "things I can be doing" sort of category... but I am somewhat lacking in the financial stability category and I think finding a second job is probably in my best interest.

Sometimes I have a need for financial tightening, so to speak, which teaches me to be much more frugal and aware of my income and outgo. So I guess I should be a little more grateful for the challenge right now... even if it means less cool things... which don't really mean anything anyway. Ha.

Preparing for the future.

I am quite aware that my future is definitely a mystery... but I would like to think I have at least some control over what sorts of things will be happening from time to time. This is the reason we have desires, we make plans, we act on those plans, and hopefully accomplish some things along the way. But I am certainly aware that plans are meant to change as need might dictate and also that it might be the way it always has to happen. I probably just turn my eye the other way when things don't really go the way I expected, even if it's better than I hoped, and I guess that's just human nature.

Or maybe it's just easy to forget all the things we think we are so passionate about.

Possible career change before a career has even started.

I might have the opportunity to become employed working in the IT field for a healthcare company soon. The pay and benefits are way beyond anything I could expect early on in my chosen career path as a "creative" in the digital media production world. It is kind of a scary proposition to think about running a totally different route but, at the same time, it is an exciting prospect to possibly get something like an actual career going in such a short period of time. I don't really know if I have the qualifications to get this thing going or not but things seem quite promising. Updates to follow, I suppose!

Certain fun.

It is a necessary thing when the tip becomes folded down into a needful facility. Not the craziest thing ever but useful and needed, nonetheless.

Summer in full effect.

It kinda felt like the epitome of a true Summer day today. I worked, I washed my car, I played an outdoor sport, then played some indoor games and watched some television. The only thing today lacked, in order for it to be more Summer-like would probably have been the presence of watermelon. Ha.

Solid pain.

Working hard at something is certainly the best way to do it if working soft doesn't seem to produce any results... which is usually most of the time. I generally apply myself in this way to just about everything even though it often creates a lot of stress on my body and mind in the process. I sometimes wonder if the stress is strengthening me or just breaking me down even more... I suppose it might depend on what is being affected at the time. My back? My ego? My consistency? There's all kinds of things it can apply to.

Thinking of the disparaging possibilities.

It is not much fun to think of being alone for the imminent and foreseeable future. The ideas cross my mind from time to time(luckily not all too often) and they can certainly seem to beckon the little rain cloud my direction. I must be way too picky, or way less attractive than I thought, or way too difficult to understand, or way too intense, or way too nice, or way too weird, or way too open/honest, or way too fast/slow, or way too inexperienced, or way too old, or way too difficult to read, or way too (insert anything I haven't mentioned that you already know I am way too much of) to figure this relationship kind of thing out, anymore. I suppose I shouldn't really apologize for just being me... but I would be lying if I said I wasn't trying to change and become a better person already anyway.

I am sure this sounds very "whoah is me" to even bring the topic up. I don't think it is, actually. I enjoy analyzing myself on these topics and writing things out in this way helps me to gain a perspective of myself that I really could not get in any other way. I know I am a fairly self-critical guy but it is just the way I operate. No sense trying to be somebody else!(other than the best version of me, or course)

Overcast, muggy days are weird.

It may have been one of the warmest days I can remember considering the total lack of direct sunlight. And it was super humid on top of that... what a crummy combo!

Anyway, I made the best of it. It was a good day in pretty much every respect. I enjoyed my work, school, and service immensely. I did a lot of thinking about things as I drove to and fro and probably could be writing something more significant and valuable at the moment... but I guess it'll have to wait. I suppose this isn't always an entirely bad thing anyway.

A beautifully stress-free Monday.

I am quite glad to be done with my online class. It didn't exactly consume all of my time but it certainly loomed over me like a cloud most of the time. It was just one of those things that I think doesn't really work for me like a regular class does. I guess it was a good learning experience, as it helped me to learn a little self-discipline in the process, but I am not exactly happy about that. Ha.

I suppose I should be much more grateful about it all. Maybe this would be considered a first-world problem? Ha.

Reminders of our learning.

I think the forgetful human nature is often one of the greatest challenges in life. I often have such great moments of clarity, nearly crushing the frailties of human nature completely, only to find that when I lose sight of that focus the human nature finds its way back into my life. But, to add to the challenge of human forgetfulness, I think there is sometimes a tendency to let go of those moments of clarity on purpose. Perhaps it is sometimes on a more subconscious level but I am sure that is not always the case. Giving away the responsibility of truth often seems like the easier, more desirable, thing to do. Oh, what a lie that is!

Thus... I am quite grateful for a frequently repeating Sabbath day experience! I need every reminder I can ever get of all the things I have learned over the years despite their relative simplicity... for the Gospel is not really a very complicated thing... it is just hard to do it right.

A much needed trip to the lake.

Or maybe it was just a much needed trip of relaxation and non-school stress. In any case I am quite glad for it and quite glad to get to sleep in tomorrow morning. It is gonna feel that good for sure. So good that I don't mind this entry being so short. Ha.

Sleepwalking.

I sometimes go through the day so under-rested that it just becomes a big blur. I know a decent amount of good, productive things happened but the positive feeling of accomplishment gets a little stifled as well.

The weather was nice. I am glad for a comfortable car to nap in when I need it.

Actually gettin' it done.

It did take considerable mental effort to complete my homework but complete it I did. I am not expecting it to be of a particularly high caliber but I think it turned out okay. And now, as I consider the next assignment's challenge, it feels slightly more doable... as if I might actually tackle it tomorrow to take advantage of the momentum I have accrued today. I guess time will tell whether or not I actually follow through with this idea.

Man, I am a prolific procrastinator!

I have had some of my online homework due for several days and I just keep finding useful ways to put it off(well... semi-useful, at least). I know how good I will feel to have it all done but I just keep squeezing myself further and further into the corner and I don't really know why. I even enjoy the content of the homework! It just seems ultra-silly to me. Nuts!

Talking about the real things.

It is nice to have a conversation with good friends about the important things in life. It is even nicer to do it in the spectacularly beautiful surroundings of the Space Needle. It was not particularly heavy or in depth or life altering... but it was solid and well-timed and motivational. I am quite thankful for such opportunities in life.

Old friends.

It is always a fun experience to revisit the older memories of life when a good, old friend makes an appearance. They have such a different perspective of you which can tend to be somewhat instructive and revelational. Reminders of where you have come from can help you to see the progress you have made in life. Somehow, it makes them seem like a living journal entry, each in their own way. And it brings a certain, distinct sort of peace that I am not sure I experience in other ways. A fun, enjoyable experience for sure!

Cool times are back.

The weather has finally calmed down. I am quite happy to be able to keep my strength all to myself for once. It made for a fun, activity-filled day. This might be one of the best features of Washington, combined with the outdoorsyness and whatnot. Oh, so sweet!

Party with the people.

I think I really need to be injecting myself into as many new social situations as possible... frequently. It did not seem to produce any visible results but still felt like a wise, important thing to do toward the progress of my life into the future... hopefully not as an eternal bachelor. Ha.

Getting back on a track.

Might not be the track but any track seems good right now. Plus, the detour could be beneficial. Who knows?

I feel like things were productive today. I was a little zapped on energy but still motivated to tidy things up anyway. It was all pretty basic stuff but do enough of that and things begin to add up in your favor. It has a nice cumulative effect, I find.

Tomorrow is a holiday of national significance. A big, super birthday celebration, I suppose. Should be good and fun. And there might not even be a more appropriate time for one of my favorite catch phrases of late... BOOM!

Slow recovery.

I have felt somewhat better today and for that I am quite thankful. I also took a good portion of my time to work on art for one of my homework assignments and have somewhat revitalized my interest in actually doing art more often. I found it to be quite therapeutic in many ways.

The rest of the day was spent in the general paths of life and I suppose there is not much else to say about things. I would like to be more entertaining but I suppose the illness I am experiencing is somewhat to blame.(scapegoat?) Ha.

The humbling illness.

It took me a while to figure it out, but about halfway through the day, after I was sweating and uncomfortable non-stop for hours, I decided to check my temperature and discovered that I was running a fever. GREAT. So, it was like a million degrees outside AND a million degrees inside... my body... yeah.

Anyway, all this crumbly wumbly has put me in a somewhat sedate mood. In many ways I don't think I am thinking very clearly about things(girls, work, school stuff). I think the lack of clarity might be putting me in a more understanding, more needy, less demanding sort of attitude when it comes to that kind of stuff right now. My caring has just kind of slipped away a bit and I just wanna heal up and get back to normal.

I don't know if I'll be going into work tomorrow... but I know I don't want to right now. I HATE calling in sick... but if I am actually sick I guess it could be the right thing to do.

New people freshen the optimism.

I know I can't always make it up to the Bellevue area to hang with the new crowd of folks we have begun to meet up there but it definitely feels good to be connecting with some new, totally rad people for the first time in a while. Not that any of the people from my area have not filled that 'totally rad' gap in my life, quite the opposite, but that I have been simply needing a new change of pace with a new landscape of scenery. It's the traveler's wanderlust I have been suppressing for so many years, I guess.

Hot days and the illness.

I think I have been suffering from a minor, yet persistent, cold over the past couple or so days and I have to say it has really made me quite exhausted. Combine that with the somewhat overbearing heat of the day and I am pretty much flat on my back... though I guess it's a little more metaphoric than real. Ha. Either way is fine to express my point, I guess!

Sluggish attitude.

Probably one of the more annoying casualties of the poor sleeping habits would be the positive attitude for things I am normally optimistic and hopeful about. Just feeling tired makes my attitude feel tired too, I guess.

The day was pretty good, though, despite my less-than-chipper demeanor at the moment. I am really gonna sleep hard tonight and it's gonna feel great. After work tomorrow morning I'll happily resume where I left off before work. Ha.

Makin' it quick!

My computer is totally on the fritz(sp?) today and until I can get the battery replaced I am not even sure how long it will be working at the moment... it could unexpectedly reset itself any moment and continue doing it to the point that I might not even be able to finish this entry.

Anyway, this whole computer reset thing has wiped out my whole life for reals! I have homework and regular work that I wanted to get done today but literally could not do pretty much anything since the computer just had to sit there off for most of the day. It reminded me how fragile my existence is since much of what I do is totally connected to this tiny little device. Ha. Ugh.

I could have been more productive in other ways, to be fair, but I really look forward to getting a replacement battery for this thing soon!

Some ideas about assumption.

I have been thinking about the myriad of reasons I am rejected by women over the past several years and there is a common idea that seems to come up a lot... that would be the idea that I think that girls assume too many things about me before really getting to know me or do any of their own research into who I really am. I say I think because this is really mostly an assumption on my part as well so I am equally responsible for the blame since I don't really know why I am always rejected by the lady folk. They almost never respond with their words, only with their actions... which seem to speak somewhat clearly enough. Ha.

Anyway, I would like to create a full-length, yet ever evolving, disclaimer about the things one should not assume about me(most of which I tend to think are most applicable to the girls and dating situation) in order to help people understand me better. I don't know if it could ever have any positive impact on my dating life(which almost seems like it is actually dead... or undead?.. like a zombie? Is my dating life a zombie dating life? weird.) but I feel it can have some sort of positive life benefits anyway. One might be a better understanding of myself as I attempt to describe the way I think people perceive me and the way I hope I am perceived. A self-inspection never hurts in general for that reason, I would say.

Since I do not have the time to get things started tonight I will have to start working on it another time. But, I WILL work on it soon for sure. I am quite motivated. Probably motivated for reasons that won't bear any significant fruit(namely, the feelings I have for a girl that seems to have given me the boot) but I don't think that is really a bad reason either. Motivation is motivation and anywhere you can find it is probably not a particularly bad thing(there has to be a boat-load of flaws with that logic. ha).

The long and boring daze.

Sometimes I have too much time even though I don't really have any in the first place. Today was one such day. I could have gotten so much done toward the improvement of my life... but I did more standing still than anything else today... which is essentially the equivalent of moving backwards, in reality. How disappointing. Let's not make a habit of this, shall we?(any more than it already is, anyway)

So, tomorrow will be a day I get things done. That should be a nice break in the non-action. Ha.

Still some possibilities.

I don't really know where anything goes for me from here but it seems to be closer to something I can get behind now that my attitude is a little less of a baditude. This weekend has opened my eyes to the fact that I can look in many different places for a future if I am willing to put in a little effort. It is all a very unusual sort of idea for me even though it's probably pretty normal for most people.

Anyway, I think life is still getting better so I can be pretty down with that. I never really thought much otherwise anyway but the thought hasn't been as clearly positive as it has been lately.

More attempts to catch a girl.

So, the YSA regional conference has been a highly pleasant, if somewhat unsuccessful, experience thus far. I have met a lot of cool people, and definitely enjoyed the couple or so classes I was able to attend, but do not think I have made much progress in the way of the women yet so it is still a work in progress. Tomorrow is the last normal day of the conference so I suppose all is not lost... I just need to get my 'A'-game face on, I guess. Ha.

Still in shape and getting better.

Somehow, despite my semi-lazy wanderings over the past several months, I am still feeling pretty good after coming off the court of a pretty tough night of ball. It seems to take a day or two to feel back to normal but I never feel broken down and that's pretty nice. And I am definitely grateful for it!

Get me some pink-filled hamburger.

It is always nice to be treated to a barbecue at work. Free food! Boom!

Other than that I think the crazy-weather day has been a groovy ol' time. It was fairly productive and all kinds of fun. I don't have much interesting to report on... just glad to be crashing soon!

Blips in memory.

I have been forgetting important things more and more lately and I am pretty sure it has to do with my crummy sleep habits. It has been something I have worked very hard to prevent, as I used to be somewhat of a flake about things in my youth, and I certainly don't intend to let my credibility and trustworthiness slip any further than it already has.

So, as an obvious yet important realization of fact, I REALLY need to be smarter about my sleeping habits. It is such an obvious thing that I seem to have a ridiculous level of challenge overcoming. Oh, the weaknesses of man!(the weaknesses of me, that is. ha)

A day in the shape of an inverted oreo.

Which is to say it started and ended well and the middle was something a bit less pleasant. It was a long day, a fun weather day, and an easy/hard day all in one! Not really sure if I have any other sort of day, really. Ha. Well, that is how it feels a lot of the time anyway.

Now, after many hours of non-usefulness-time(mostly fighting my computer to get it back in shape), I feel like I could get things back in action. Plus, I just called into work and really look forward to sleeping a full night's rest!(much needed)

I love my friends... even the ones without clarity.

I am always saddened by the loss of a friend but I am almost more saddened by the loss of a normal life. I have a friend who went from that of a normal life to that of a mentally unstable one, literally sidetracked by schizophrenia, and it is really a bummer to be a helpless witness to the literal madness. He still feels the emotional pangs of human nature yet is almost totally void of emotional self-control. Perhaps he is no longer truly plagued by the foibles of so-called sanity, a reprieve from the normal challenges of daily life, but I still feel his pains nearly as much as before. It is definitely a different kind of life challenge for him as well as those who know him well enough to call him a friend. I suppose I have much to learn about it for a grander purpose than I am currently aware.

Friendship and nature.

I think that might be some of the most important and excellent elements of a hike. I know it can be done non-socially, but I have a lot of experience on my side on this one.

Now, I am so tired I am falling asleep while typing this entry... so it will be cut short tonight, unfortunately. Rough.

The old table tennis crew.

And I suppose 'old' is a fairly apt way to put it as most of them were literally senior citizens. That being the case it would be reasonable to think that they are more likely to leave this life relatively sooner than most other 'crews' of my friends... and today I learned of the first one's passing. And even though I have not seen Mike for several years I am greatly saddened by his departure. It was definitely earlier than any of us would have expected, being a man less than 70 years of age I am fairly certain. And quite the athletic man on top of that.

He was a tremendous man. Truly. He was a pillar of the table tennis club from its inception and I am sure his legacy will be felt for years to come, even if it is something more based in the memories of his powerful, positive character than any of the physical contributions he may have made. I can still hear his voice so clearly in my mind. "Got to be!" he would say in positive exclamation after a good point or rally. He always smiled, even when he was having a rough day at the table. He very frequently brought food and other goodies to give away to the club patronage. He knew people and gladly shared any fascinating stories about them without provocation, yet always appreciated. He was another one of the great ones in my life... I am truly grateful to have know Mr. Michael Lewis. Truly. He was a blessing sent from heaven to this earth and I was lucky enough to share a piece of my life with his.

May his family and friends be at peace. Rest in peace, Mike.

Staying in shape-ish.

I think staying in shape would imply that I actually had a good shape to begin with... but, alas, I think that is probably a bit presumptuous on my part. But I am staying closer to shape, I guess. My body certainly does not feel like it disagrees with my basketball activity quite as much as it usually does. I wonder how much my somewhat physical job has to do with it?

Extended time to myself.

Now that I have let go of my second job, and have freed up a considerable amount of time during the course of my regular day, I find myself with a crazy amount of expendable hours with which to find my own purposes in greater focus... or something like that. Ha. And though it may have scared me before I think it will be absolutely liberating and I expect to make exceptional progress like I have not made before because of it.

Because I have committed this idea in writing(even though it is only on a blog that very few people will ever read) I am putting a higher standard up for myself. It commits me to behave as I profess and in a way helps me become what I truly hope to become. Goal-oriented, dedicated, honest, and trustworthy in my actions because I can follow through with a plan that I am willing to put down on paper(or internet... paper... ness).

Day 2 of the new term.

It's a good looking term that just keeps looking better. I know the classes should be sufficiently challenging, my schedule of availability looks to be pretty much awesome, and my fellow students appear to all be on board as well.

Now, I need to figure out how to earn a little extra money. A simple part-time job might be good but those are not always easy to find. I need to be more motivated to find some freelance gigs, I think. Well, I need to finish(or greatly advance) the current projects I am working on. That would be a good way to start!

Return to school for the third to last time(possibly).

Assuming I only have three terms left, including this one. I might not be able to get every class I need over the next two so I suppose it's possible I might need to extend a term beyond the plan but I guess that's okay too.

Beginning each new class is always exciting for me. I think I remember a time when that was not always the case but that had to be like back in high school or something. Now, I just look forward to each new experience almost knowing I will have so many good ones to enjoy that any bad ones on the way usually seem pretty insignificant.

You never truly know a man... until you see him fight. - Part 1

This is a topic that has crossed my mind in various versions over the years. I finally feel inspired to give it a bit of the exploration time it deserves.

Some of this idea comes because I feel like I have a difficult attracting the girls I am attracted to and it seems to me that some of it is simply because they didn't give me enough of a chance to get to know me very well. I am sure I am not the only guy who feels this way so I thought I might describe a little about how a guy operates and how his character, and some of his personality, are found in the way he goes through his trials.

One easily visible example would be seen in the athletic man's experiences. It is the game he plays the hardest, with the greatest intensity, which usually reveals a very specific part of his character which you will not likely see in any other part of his life without very specific digging or circumstances. There is something about the competitive nature among a man's peers which reflects a certain element of character definition. His sportsmanship, his temperament, his focus, his dedication, his teamwork, his practice ethic, his loyalty, and in a team setting where he may have a coach(or with some sort of officiating present) you can see how obedient and respectful he is to authority.

I know I have overlooked even more elements to my sports analogy which are quite telling and insightful about the inner self of a man, but I am satisfied with my meager dabblings on this topic so far.  I have other ideas I would like to explore on the topic and will do so in the next part I write about at some point in the future.

Living in my head.

It has kind of bobbled around in my thoughts over the last few days or so that life is predominantly experienced in our minds more than anywhere, or anyway, else. SO much of what we do is simply thinking about what we actually WILL do. I would guess that it is probably around 99% or more of our waking hours being spent in general thought. I know that probably sounds dramatic but when one stops to consider how long it actually takes to do the things they are doing, as well as how much thinking means nothing without the action to accompany it... it seems less and less dramatic.

Anyway, I'm too tired to give this idea a proper go for now... maybe another time, I guess.

Trading away myself for a different self.

The topic of my recent 48-hour film contest short film was one which might be closer to my heart than I previously assumed. Much of the outwardly obvious comparisons seem pretty easy to spot... the core of the matter, though, was something I think I even overlooked as it was being written all the way up to today.

I have basically been contemplating what aspects of myself I would be willing to trade away if it were somehow able to guarantee getting a wife. Strangely, even though I think of this as one of my strongest features, I was thinking that my intelligence(however much that seems to be... whether actual value exists there or not) would be one of the first things I would willingly trade away. It certainly has a lot of benefits in many life applications but it also seems to be one of my personal features which may be responsible for my currently single status in the first place. Given my personal feeling on the topic of my intelligence I suppose it would seem like a pretty obvious first casualty.

Anyway, I'm glad I can't actually do what I have been considering tonight. The gravity of such an ethical/moral dilemma is definitely more than I can appropriately weigh in on. I am fairly certain I would probably make a pretty severe mistake if I were given the opportunity. Ha.

Stuck in the wrong gear.

But at least I feel like I am moving. I kind of don't really know exactly where the wheels are pointed but the motion seems important. I really need to throw my head back in the driver's seat.

Beyond all that I am inclined to mention that I have felt the sting of loneliness a little more than normal lately. I think it comes from the unrequited feelings I have recently discovered mixed with my motivation to progress in life. Since neither are normally part of my focus in this sort of form I tend to think they are working on me emotionally in a very different way... makes me think my usual lack of these motivations are what have kept me from feeling lonely all these years. Wow, what a crummy self-defense mechanism!