Tuesday, January 23, 2018

The ever-present ambiguity.

I never quite know what any woman is thinking or how she feels about me. I never quite know what my dad is aiming at with his commentary or why he seems actually incapable of understanding a viewpoint different from his own... or maybe just totally unwilling to accept the logic of a different idea? I never quite know how to explain how I got to where I currently am in life, whether about the current state of my career or why it is that I can't seem to find a significant other despite all my best efforts. For all these things, each with their varying levels of complexity and/or frustration, I often take guesses and form opinions about possibilities or theories to explain them... and occasionally I have a feeling that I might not be as wrong as it might seem from the outside... but it all generally feels like a helpless cause without any possibility that things could ever change or improve. I can't say this is an encouraging attitude to have and I suppose it could sound fairly defeatist of me to paint it that way... but I do have hope. Maybe it's a fool's hope but it's my hope and I'll carry it around anyway. Hope might be all one can have in these sorts of situations but it's definitely enough for me.

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