The pinnacle of my faith.

I feel like I probably should when considering the current state of my life. My heart is sort of wrenching itself in my chest just thinking of it all. It is not something I want to continue and would ever want to repeat... but that is not the point of life, is it?  Times such as these will definitely find their way back again. They will put me under the same kind of stress again. I will feel the tremendous feeling of helplessness again. But it definitely will not kill me... again.

I still don't know how much I subscribe the the "that which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" theory.  I don't remember any particular gospel principles that make the same kind of statement.  The closest one I can think of right now would be "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; ...for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (parts of Ether 12:27) This describes the necessity for the element of faith.  It also states the He will be the one making the strength.  This is something I of all people need immensely right now.

My unending failures to even maintain normal friendship with a woman that I have feelings for(which clearly indicates how little I know what I am doing) and the potential loss of my father in surgery tomorrow have left me in the pit of my own mortal feelings.  I do have an eternal perspective on things, put in place by my practice of faithful activities, but the heart part of my body is not ruled by logic or faith.  It only feels.  It feels the life of the body it carries and the pains it incurs because of these challenges.  Thus the struggle between the heart and mind continues.  I sometimes feel like a casualty to their war.

Tonight I will sleep.  Tomorrow I will act.  Whatever faith I have built up will certainly be spent and I hope and pray that it is enough to see me through it well.