I guess these kinds of things move in a bit of a waveform too. I can think the loathe feelings of confusion and self-doubt are gone, and that I am feeling pretty good about moving forward in life, but they always find their way back into the cycle of my thinking. It might be that this is the way it is intended to happen, as we struggle to overcome them each time we gain the strength which prepares us for the next coming waves. I can not pretend to enjoy it regardless.
I still want to know what she is/was thinking about me and what has now become an unnecessary mess. I want some sort of validation that I expect will never come given the diminished communication between us. It feels silly saying there is even anything between us at all anymore. What a bummer it is even thinking that.
It is very late and I am sure that exacerbates the whole topic in ways that I do not really need. Next time I write on something this personally depressing I should probably do it in a less naturally depressed state of being... it is sort of like getting kicked in the back while peeing in a urinal... or maybe I am just saying that because, even though I would definitely be hating life if it ever happened to me, I am almost compelled to laugh audibly when I imagine such a overtly terrible scenario. Maybe I am more sadistic than I thought. Ha.
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