Writing myself into oblivion.

I can not remember all the reasons I decided to start writing my thoughts down.  It was quite a while ago and I know my personal reasons for doing it have certainly evolved over the years.

I think it was more of a self-healing sort of activity at first.  It has truly been a great stress reliever over the years and still continues to hold that sort of important personal effect for me today.  This is definitely still one of the main reasons I continue to write as I do.

It has also become a form of creative expression from time to time.  I am sure it always fills this role to some degree as the nature of writing anything at all is automatically creative.  It is certainly a great benefit to me as an artist and sometimes serves as my greatest artistic passion at some points in my life.  Writing is not just an activity of creating ideas from words, it is an adventure in the exploration of my thoughtscape in search of their meaning, when the writing itself is not formally taking place.

I do it to learn about myself.  I have great need to understand what makes me tick and how things might be working in my mind.  This does of course imply the thing are actually working in my mind... which may or may not be the case.  It is certainly an interesting process of discovery, though, as in many of the moments I take to review the things I read, it always seems to feel like I am reading the writing of a different person and learning about them.  This is somewhat true as I know that people are always evolving and changing anyway... but the core of the truths I attempt to express can still be instructive to me at later points in life.

And I most definitely do it so others can learn about me too.  I have always been a huge advocate that a book should not be judged by its cover.  This need spawns out of my empathy for those who struggle to be understood by those around them.  I know I am not alone in this feeling but I definitely feel that I am nearly continuously misunderstood.  I write to try to be as clear and honest about myself as I can be because I want people to understand who I am.  I write because I guess I think it can help people realize they are not alone in their feelings of dissonance from society.  I write to express my weak and pitiful self because I feel it can in some way build me up and strengthen me through the recognition of my faults and lowly place among others.  I write to express my grander, more lofty goals because we all need to have them and I find inspiration in sharing them.

I hope I can continue to be true to myself in my writing endeavors.  I feel like I have lost important friends to my rash exuberance in writing over the years and the sting of it certainly settles me down a lot as I now contemplate it.  I think I have been more selfish in these endeavors than I should have been and now I feel the price of that loss.  As a committed writer I really don't know what to do... I guess this simply comes of the pain I feel at the thought of having hurt anyone I consider a friend.  I really am sorry if I have offended you!