The value of praise.

I had forgotten what it feels like to be visually appreciated by a woman until today.  The sad part is that it was by a married woman.  Though I still appreciate the praise far more than I would have thought I would if I were outside of the situation looking in as an observer.

Perhaps the fact that it came without any pretense is why I respect it.  This woman didn't even tell her opinion of me to me directly and probably doesn't even want me to know.  Admittedly, it does make me feel a little odd when I consider the source as a married woman... but words of praise are still words of praise.  Especially strong words of praise.

And, as I alluded to earlier, I really had forgotten the feeling in the first place.  I have been given compliments on little aspects of my look here and there("that's a nice tie.""you look younger than your age.""nice haircut.""you have your own style.") which are all pleasant, and certainly appreciated if somewhat quaint and sometimes a bit forced feeling.  But I am pretty sure that the last time I was really given a compliment like this was well over a decade ago... I honestly can't remember who or when it was but I think it was probably one of my girlfriends(a VERY long time ago.)  I haven't thought of myself as an attractive guy for so long I stopped thinking it was something valuable to my self-esteem and changed my perspective into thinking it really didn't matter to me... but apparently it does since I am bothering to write about it right now.  Life is just full of surprises!

I can't imagine what it would feel like to be praised in such a way by somebody that I think of in a similar light.  I can't imagine it because I think it would probably knock me off my feet regardless of the other types of attraction we may or may not share.  I think it might just be a guy thing.  I can't even claim to understand it at all(lack of experience I guess.)  What a strange situation.  I guess everybody is attractive to somebody.  I guess that the few people that see me this way are so far between that the odds of me being attracted to them in return are literally like a million to one.

What have I been thinking all these years?  Maybe I'm just too tired right now to remember.  I probably need to forget about this stuff for now... it would probably only serve to frustrate me.  Like many of my pondering exploits, this is all just an exercise in futility.