Vacuuming does not suck!

In fact, I think it is pretty much awesome. I probably enjoy the results of a good vacuuming more than most people, though, since I do sleep on the ground.

There is something to be said for the feeling of cleansing and order that vacuuming brings to the room as well. It perks the carpet back into a newish looking fashion and even makes it a little softer feeling in the process. The only thing bad I can say about it would be the fact that I have to mess it up almost immediately after I am done cleaning it. I know I can sort of avoid that for a little while but life eventually becomes life again so I guess the inevitable should not cause me too much distress.

Anyway, I am glad I did my vacuuming tonight. The carpet needed it but my life needed it more.

Setting people on fire.

I have to say that my final project for Motion Graphics class should turn out some pretty fun results if I am able to do what I am imagining in my head. The shooting went fairly well and I have a couple weeks to get it all put together.

I don't know what sort of impact this kind of thing can, or will, have on the direction of my life(if any) but I tend to think there is some potential there for that kind of thing. My career is that thing that will take the cue and certainly affects all the other areas of my life.

Talent shows for free.

I am not even sure how long it has been since I started playing in them, or even how many different ones I have played in, but they always have a different feel to them in their own unique way.

The variety of the various talents is always interesting, ranging from the people who simply enjoy the spotlight of being on stage all the way through to the concert pianist, and having them coexist in one setting adds to the entertainment value for all involved. Not in a bad way, either. It allows those who feel that they are reaching to elevate their game rubbing shoulders with the best, as well as allowing the best the chance to relax and enjoy the opportunity to perform a little more than they usually allow for themselves.

It is also good to see the support of the audience for every act no matter their skill or performance style. It tends to feel like a supportive family more than an audience of typical peers.

I do not know exactly where or when the next opportunity for this kind of thing will come again but I do look forward to it with general optimism and excitement. Even if I only participate as a spectator I will definitely enjoy it nonetheless.

Getting rid of all the junk.

I have a lot of cleaning to do and even though I look forward to lightening my load it looks to be a somewhat challenging task that is really quite daunting in many ways. I know it needs to be done and that I will be thoroughly pleased when it is all gone but I still have a very difficult time even getting started on the process. I seem to be procrastinating even the expectation of my own happiness... which is something I seem to be doing in other important areas of my life as well. I guess that is just one of my many bad habits that need working on.

A simple request when I finally leave this mortal coil.

Please, please, please put extra emphasis on the "fun" part of funeral! In fact, I would like it to be pronounced fun-er-uhl whenever it is announced or referenced verbally. I have nothing against the normal funerals that happen but I really do not want the remaining family and friends attending any sort of memorial for me with such heavy emotion weighing the room down. I know it is all important to the grieving process, a form of emotional catharsis and all that, but laughter would be a way more pleasant way to spend the time and certainly reflects my personality as aptly as any level of seriousness possibly could.

I truly appreciated today's service for our dearly beloved Nicole's recent departure from mortality. It could not have been any better in any way. She left an indelible mark on the world in a way that simply can not be measured... nor does it need to be... nor would she even want it to be. She really was that kind of excellent person. I feel blessed to have known her what little I did.

Giggety giggety giggety!

Tonight we played a solid set. Only one of the people I invited came out for the show but I am quite glad he did. The other two bands had a decent number of folks to add to the audience. All in all a success, I think.

Somewhat misguided.

The things we do during any given day can often seem like a bit of an accident sometimes. Good, bad, and anywhere in between, our circumstances can seem like the occur almost entirely independent of our own personal input. This is, however, something I am coming to think of as a more and more incorrect idea.

Certainly we can not control most of the elements which comprise the daily experience. We can control our attitudes, and sometimes do a decent job of that, but we also can control our behavioral reactions to the challenges placed before us almost independent of attitude. Just doing what needs to be done, so to speak, sort of like a shift at work on the daily grind.

I wonder how much our trials really come from external sources? I tend to think more and more that if a number could somehow quantify this idea accurately it would be a much smaller number than I would expect.

Laying it down.

The process of recording music is always a challenging one. It is sometimes tedious, painful, and often feels like there is little payoff for all the hard work(which is mostly because when you record stuff you want it as flat and raw as you can get it in order to have the best signal to noise ratio as well as the most flexibility with the sound in post-production) but it isn't all bad, all the time.

As a bass player I really have to say that synchronizing my timing perfectly into the drum track is one of the most satisfying things in music for me. It rates right up there with playing a sweet solo, writing a sweet riff, or riding a deep and heavy groove when you feel it in your bones. There is just something about finding that timing sweet-spot that just tickles my fancy something fierce. It feels even better when you nail it on your first try!

Anyway, this all comes about from my adventures in recording tonight. I have been doing it on my new 5-string bass with a brand new set of strings and it has been one of those challenging, yet awesome, nights. I have quite a bit of work to do on it yet but at least I got a good start on things.

Summer in the winter?

That is kind of how it felt for most of the day and I think it was highly appreciated by all. I think there were a lot of things that could have gone better for the day in general but any day that the weather is as nice as it was today has a difficult time feeling bad. I am sure it is a psychological thing but there might be some actual chemistry to it or something. People just really enjoy the sun!

Another day to be thankful for.

I felt like a bit of the wind was knocked out of my sails today but I think that is probably okay considering recent events. I still made it through with a decent amount of enthusiasm for the most part. Things just felt quieter... more reserved.

So, tomorrow might be a step back toward the typical daily grind. Work and sleep and more work followed by whatever seems important at the time. Not really a bad way to go, as far as Tuesdays are concerned.

The beautiful life of service - In memoriam.

As recently as a week ago I felt that this moment was soon coming. Yet having some preparation for the challenge of losing a beloved friend does little to take away the emotional sting of her passing.

It is the sadness that you will not again enjoy her presence in this life. A sorrow for the things you would have done for her had you been stronger, or less preoccupied, or more diligent. It is the feeling of your heart going out to her loved ones who are also struggling with the loss of their shining soul. It is the pain of knowing the world has lost one of its great actively positive influences... the effects of which do still continue, but are much harder to see, and are more difficult to understand.

I suppose most of this just might be a selfish sort of pain. And even though I did not do much with her outside of the church setting, I did make a solid personal connection with her that I will miss dearly. She treated me like I was a brother... sharing with me a most cherished and Christ-like example of a sister. Despite my general displacement among our peers she did not seem to see it one bit... and in fact portrayed the contrary. She reminded me who I should be, and could be, and all simply through her manner and the way she treated me.

I have to say this is all very difficult to write. It has been a while since I have shed a tear while composing my thoughts for an entry here. I know I am not the only one who has ridden the rough path of emotions today, though, and I know it is important to write down whatever thoughts and feelings I can while they are alive in me now... because memory is a fickle, failing frailty which alone should not be trusted to recall such important life events.

The date of the funeral has not been set yet but I expect that day will have its own set of challenges which may find their way into yet another of my entries here. Until then I suppose things will eventually find their typical path of life and all that goes with it.

Sister Nicole Divis, may you rest in peace, free from the cares of this mortal test, onward to the work of our Father beyond the veil, in happiness and love. You will be missed greatly!

In memoriam: Nicole Divis - 7/31/1993(?) to 2/17/13

Doing things for others.

It is a personal addiction and something I am quite blessed to enjoy most of the time I do it.

Tiny bits of sleep do not a sane man make.

Therefore, this will be a short entry, relative to the amount of sleep I got last night... and somewhat relative to the sleep I expect to get tonight. Ugh.

Busy busy bumblevee... day.

I am quite grateful for the plethora of distractions afforded me today as I enjoyed avoiding my singleness yet again. Work, nap, work, packs, disc golf, basketball, and party with the peoples are always a good way to do that.

Now, because I am up WAY(I wish I could go crazier with the font size on that word) too late!

Rejecting rejection.

Learning to move past the sting of disappointment is one of the greatest challenges in life. When I come to understand that it is learning a measure of self-control it becomes a bit of a different game, however, since the focus becomes self-mastery rather than self-doubt.

The strange part of all of this is how much I do not doubt my capacity to make a girl happy. I know I am not perfect, and I have very little experience when it comes to couple-style relationships(I've only had three girl friends), but I know I am a committed, communicative, and caring(did I just make up the 3 Cs of relationship goodness?) fellow with lots of tools(interests and talents) at my disposal to be the best kind of friend/boyfriend I can be. Maybe it sounds like I am tooting my own horn... Ya... probably sounds like that, but I have been around for a long time working very hard to do the right thing and become the right kind of guy. That kind of practice has to count for something, right?

Anyway... Maybe I am just having fun building up my self-image right now. I suppose this is probably not a bad thing to do once in a while, actually. As much as I try to stay away from anything which can lead to prideful thinking, I think this is something different than arrogance. I simply recognize my blessings and should be more grateful for them... and should not be afraid to accept and put them to good use. Now that is a true challenge, indeed!

Valentine's S.A.D.

Single Awareness Day - I suppose it should not feel as annoying as it does(since I have all kinds of practice) but then again maybe it should. I have not been in a significant relationship for WAY too long and I am sure most of that fact is directly my fault.

And now I am somewhere in the middle of my life, without a significant woman in my life(other than my family of course), and I am sure I am not the only person who is confused about why. I find myself attracted to girls/women who probably don't make sense to most people(including the person I am attracted to) and it can feel like I am simply throwing away my energy in futile pursuits.

This isn't intended to sound so negative. It is simply another admission of my typical shortcomings as I feel like I have struck out again. Though, in a hopeful thought I may just be hitting foul balls and I am still actually standing in the batting box, but I don't really know either way. As strange as it sounds I prefer to feel this disappointed feeling of "at least I was interested and gave it a shot, better luck next time" over having no interest in anybody at all.

'Tis better to have liked and lost
Than never to have like at all.
(revised for situational relevance. ha)
-Alfred Lord Tennyson

Hanging with the peeps.

I feel like I have titled a blog by this name before... but, whatever. It still applies to today's entry... aptly.

I am quite happy to feel like I belong to the group of people I got to hang with tonight. There are any number of ways I have felt somewhat outside of things over the past decade or so but I really didn't feel that tonight. To be clear, I don't always feel like I am outside of things, but I do not always feel like I am actually connected into the group flow of energy and fun-ness either.

So, here's to more times like this in the future. Good, highly integrated, times!

A big change in life.

For the last five or so years I have had a couple different callings at church that have profoundly affected my life for the better. I have learned a lot about how to minister to those around me and my testimony has become a powerful motivator for the best changes I have made in my life. I am a far different person today than I was five years ago and I know that almost all of that change is almost entirely positive.

Today was the end of the finest chapter of my life, however, as I was released from my most recent calling and given a different calling. I know I will enjoy my new calling immensely but it is definitely a very different schedule of operations. In many ways it will demand more of my time and efforts to properly magnify my new assignments but the focus is quite different than what I have been used to and it might take a little time to adjust.

I will miss it. I will be eternally grateful for the opportunity to have served in that calling. But I look forward to the new opportunities that lay ahead. It is a new way to look at things and I expect I will enjoy it all!

Observing our hairy neighbors.

I do not think that I have gone to the zoo to watch primates for even more than just a few minutes of time before today. So I will share a couple thoughts I had while doing so.

They behave incredibly human-like. Even though most of the ones I saw were pretty much just snacking or sitting/lounging around, they really gave off the vibe of humanness almost constantly. It was a little unnerving at first but nothing annoying, really.

Their eyes are so similar to human eyes that their pensive, distant look really lent to them seeming quite intelligent, even though I really have no idea what their various levels of understanding were at all. It certainly added to their presence and in some cases their feeling of dignity, despite being confined to a cage in a zoo.

I had a good trip with some other observations about less interesting things. I look forward to my return trip there at some point in the future.

Nuke my shot better than before.

Even though I have yet to feel like I really made a good toss with it, my glow Nuke disc driver is quite the fun disc to chuck. I am definitely in the right sport when on a cool, winter evening I can still go out and enjoy it so thoroughly!

From the ashes of defeat to the flame of victory.

The reality show contest I have been privileged to work behind the scenes on has been quite the learning experience. I have gotten to work with truly professional, high-quality people in the industry of my interest and have learned a great deal from their willingness to share. However, and somewhat unexpected to me, I have also learned from the actual contest at play as well.

Fashion design is certainly not something I expect to develop a particular invested interest in. It is an art I do appreciate, even if I am not particularly fashion-adept, but will just be one of those areas of life relegated to the back-seat of my interests. The 'contest' part of this thing has been instructive, if not quite motivational, because of the way events played out from beginning to end.

In the first week one of the contestants seemed to dominate with his victory only to be eliminated the very next week for his apparent lack of skill in the next challenge. Not something I would have expected.

One of the contestants was very consistently strong, winning outright two of the weeks, and full of confidence going into the final challenge.

In the second week a girl was eliminated yet in the third week was randomly selected to return to the competition. She went on to win the fourth week competition, then ultimately the entire contest in the final week despite very visible self-doubt earlier in the contest. I am quite happy for her, having literally been crossed off the list of potential winners at one point, only to find luck's grace, and ultimately reclaim her confidence as the overall victor through her purposefully acquired skills and hard work. It all made for a nice story-book sort of experience to witness.

Well... I am sure I can apply this to my life in several ways if I think about it. In any case it is inspiring. It is real. And I wish her, and all those like her, all the success they can handle.

Taxplosion of awesomeness!

I am always thrilled to receive large sums of money. I am even more thrilled when most of that money just happens to have been mine in the first place and I am actually just getting it back. Ha.

Each year, after I have finished filing my taxes, I imagine I probably make a post like this in my extended enthusiasm for the tremendous financial relief looming on the horizon. It is a tremendously unburdening feeling! And even though I know I have a fairly sizable college debt laying in wait to turn things back around, about a year and a half from now, I feel fairly certain it will be my only significant debt by that point of my life. It will be so nice to have only one debt to pay!

Hard work, my friends, is what has offered me these simple, delightful moments of peace. Hard work at doing what I can to do what I should be doing. Note, this does not mean I have always succeeded in those attempts... heck, I'd be happy to say I succeeded even 50% of the time, but I have persisted in my efforts and am glad to tell the tale.

I am still not quite there, either. Just WAY closer than I was yesterday. Way closer feels way better. That's just how things work, I suppose.

The gentle disappointments.

I suppose they are an important part of the toughening process for me. I have done things which have set myself up for greater failure when they have not succeeded and I usually find those trials to be some of the more turbulent types, generally speaking. It seems to be a battle against my own emotional stability... which is kind of strange since in almost every other area of life I tend to be quite emotionally stable.

I simply need more practice with female interaction. I can small talk, befriend, and entertain girls confidently. That stuff is fun, fulfilling, and easy to a degree. Taking any steps toward something beyond a superficial relationship is just not something I have even tried very many times in my life. I might be able to count them all on one hand... probably a little more than that, maybe. Time to get my butt in gear, I suppose! How else am I ever going to get good at this stuff!

Rolling over the day quite normally.

It is sometimes a good thing when you get to enjoy the momentum of the morning which carries you through into the evening. Pretty much every day is loaded with all kinds of little bumps and turns that turn the tempo up and down without any respect for your plans for anything. Maybe that is how things are supposed to go, for whatever reason, but the smooth days sure feel nice.

Anyway... I just wanted to put that thought down in writing before I crashed into my bed. Kind of a sad entry, as far as meaningful content might be concerned, but I won't be worrying about that in a few minutes or so anyway. Ha.

The challenging power of attraction.

It is certainly quite obvious that women are attractive to men(under normal natural circumstances) and I know that I am definitely no exception to that rule. We men are definitely led by our eyes first but our minds and emotions certainly come into play as well, which may not seem so obvious to the typical observer.

I consider myself to have a fairly good reign on my attractions and behaviors related to the physical nature of things. If I did not I am sure I would have gotten myself into many more relationships that did not make very much sense to do beyond me simply thinking she was a very attractive woman. But when a woman has very physically attractive traits, AND she is able to spark my emotional or mental curiosities as well, I really need to pay close attention to myself. It can tend to feel like a slippery slope is forming under my feet... a slippery slope that would be more fun to slide down on than might be wise to indulge in.

I always want to be careful to avoid the emotional pitfalls of one-sided relationships too. Which just means that I am emotionally moving at a much different pace than any girl I am ever attracted to. It could be a lack of emotional maturity in the relationship setting since I have so little relationship experience but I tend to think more and more that every good relationship is going to have those kinds of challenges anyway. It is yet another way a couple can strengthen their relationship and understand their commitments to each other better. Or maybe I am further expressing my ignorance of how relationships work and it is actually just an unnecessary challenge to a relationship.

Anyway, I am glad I move slowly sometimes. I just hope I am not trying to be too careful at the expense of attracting the right kind of girl by my determination to do the right thing. I am also glad I don't really need to worry about it at the moment... even though I am actually attracted to a girl that any of this could potentially apply to. Ha.

Family is the reason.

A 50th wedding anniversary is a very rare thing, I have come to realize. I am not sure what else you might compare it to but I can only remember knowing a handful, or less, people that have been married that long in my whole life. I feel it a total privilege that my very own parents have themselves reached this tremendous milestone. It is something that I too hope to achieve someday.

This kind of occasion has been an excellent excuse to draw the family in together for some decent quality family time. We were lucky enough to participate in the family reunion thing last August but that does not take any of the thunder for tonight's celebration. I like hanging with my nephews and nieces and brothers and sisters. They are some pretty rad people. A humorous lot at that.

I am also grateful to catch up with several old buddies from the deep past. Staying in touch with people vicariously through Facebook and whatnot is quite acceptable in many cases, but it sure does not beat getting the chance to chat with a friend in person once in a while. Personal contact with those from my past is always a blessing!

Body all in pain.

I suppose if I do a ton of physical activity(aerobic and anaerobic alike) over the span of a couple days I will naturally feel quite a bit beat up as a result. The feeling of soreness from working out is something I generally enjoy but I think I went a little beyond that this time. There are a few weird spots throughout my body. Tightness, fatigue, and other various nobby sorts of pains... the kind of thing to make me remember my mortality, I guess.

It is good to see family. They have nothing to do with my body aches but they have everything to do with my emotional enjoyments. Tomorrow should be a splendid tomorrow indeed!

Birthdaytiousness!

I once took a great deal of care to avoid the birthday ritual experience through hiding the knowledge of the actual date of my birthday somewhat painstakingly. I really did not want any attention drawn to myself for a variety of reasons which always sort of lacked any substance or purpose. What a silly person I was!

Today was a different experience altogether. I am quite glad to actually share any sort of quality time with any of my friends and have the excuse of a celebrated birthday probably can not be easily topped. I have a tremendously excellent group of friends. I am tremendously blessed!