Yule notice that I tend to write a lot from time to time.

Current mood: jolly

It has been a nice, lazy Christmas day indeed. I slept in a decent amount of time... I had a nice ripe dream falling out of unconsciousness into the waking smells of bacon and eggs... it was a nice transition indeed. The nice, Christmasy kind of transition that might even be worthy of a ribbon or a medal... in a strange, wake-up-out-of-a-nice-dream-togo-eat-delicious-breakfast kind of competition. I think this all sounds stupendously silly... but so what, it's Christmas! Yeah!

Anyway... I wrote a holiday letter this year, similar to my personal tradition which I started last year, and I thought I would share it here in my blog again. It includes more of my years overview than it did last time so I hope it helps to keep y'all a little more informed on my happenings and such if you happen to be interested. It has been an excellent year indeed so I hope it isn't too long or anything.

Holiday greetings,

This might get to people after Christmas but I've decided that's okay since the information isn't going to change much in the couple of days difference anyway. If this offends you please stop reading now... pick up your phone, and give me a call... I'll do what I can to ease the overdue holiday disappointment you must be feeling. Or I'll send you a cookie. A cookie that my mom made. It'll be delicious. Never mind that... I'll just eat the cookie. This is my Christmas letter to y'all for 2008. I've decided to combine a brief update of my year with my current thoughts of my testimony. I hope it's not too boring or strange! (since we all know how strangely boring I can be... ha.)

The year began with a couple trips to California and a pulled hamstring from playing basketball thinking I was about ten years younger and in the best shape of my life(a very flawed thought indeed.) All a bunch of fun in retrospect since trips, and physically painful experiences, often are. I had a decent amount of graphics work to keep me relatively busy so things seemed to be rolling along nicely, other than the hamstring thing... a ding ding... chicken wing... ha.

My work with Dish Network, as well as the needs of my main graphics client at the time, unexpectedly tapered out and I was out of work for an annoyingly long time(maybe about a month) due to the confusion about what was happening to the work. I started working at Kits Cameras part time just to get something at all, luckily already knowing that I would like the work anyway, and have happily enjoyed my tenure there since March as a salesguy/picture printer. It really feels good to feel like I can help people with something I know pretty well and actually get paid to do it. It has been a great blessing in my life for sure! Plus, I get discounts.

In late February or so, under the suggestion of my brother I picked up an inexpensive digitizer pen tablet for my computer. It's like a pen that makes it so I can more naturally draw on the computer... and I love it! I have become inspired to work on my illustration again. It is not only therapeutic but I think it actually looks pretty decent. I never knew I could do what I have been doing with it. I might even get to be pretty good at it if I am able to stick with it.

The summer started off with a Regional Young Single Adult Conference which was a lot of fun for the whole gang. I made a cartoon for the film festival which did pretty well so that was a fun experience and a lot of hard work well worth the effort. Throw in a few or so weddings that I got to either video tape or photograph, with lots of social interaction among friends on the weekends in a fairly typical summer kind of way, and the start of a brand new branch that meets about two minutes from my house, and I would call it a good summer indeed.

The fall started off a bit rough and I was not able to get started at Tech School as planned but I'll hopefully get that going in the spring, so I guess patience was the key ingredient to consume around that time. I was called to be the first counselor in the Elder's Quorum presidency of the new branch and have found it to be a great complement to an already great church going experience there. We have AWESOME leadership and loads(miniloads?) of cool people in our little unit of 50 or so, give or take. My scripture study, prayer, and focus on the temple have continued to bless my life in immeasurable and totally appreciated ways throughout this year and has been only better enhanced as I have enjoyed the opportunities of service in this new branch. It has so much awesome potential!

I enjoyed getting into costume for Halloween as the Skele-Tin Man and had a lot of scratching heads around me as people tried to figure out who was actually behind the silver facepaint. Thanksgiving was good to spend with the family and it was actually a nice transition into the retail madness that takes over the holiday spirit shortly thereafter. It's a good thing I really enjoy my work. I haven't had a reason to complain about it yet. Just days ago, on December 10th, I was blessed to have the opportunity to receive my endowments and make the related covenants in the temple. It has been something I have sought after in my life for quite some time and found it to be a thoroughly enjoyable and enlightening experience. There is so much to be learned there! I look forward to a life of service there as I seek to follow my Savior's plan for me.

I know Jesus, the Christ lives. I know He loves me, and every other person who has ever lived. I know that He somehow performed the only possible act which enables mankind to return to live with Him and our Father in heaven, the atonement, which all may if they will, partake of in completeness and humility. I know that the words of the prophets found in scripture are the Lord's words to man outlining His plan for us, illuminating our spirits with the necessary truth to be able to return to Him as well as be happier people. I know that He teaches us through His prophets today, as well as in days past, and that through them He guides and directs the progress of His church on earth, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know that the gospel was restored by the Lord's guidance through the prophet Joseph Smith in these, the latter-days, and that it all was put into motion through an answer to his prayer as a young boy as he inquired about which of all the churches he was to join. I know that prayer is and essential and powerful element in one's life if it is consistently, humbly utilized in all things and that we will always receive answers to them. We can learn to better understand God's will for us, and those in our stewardship, if we will diligently act in faith on this principle. I know that faith is a real, and vital part of coming to know ALL truths of the gospel. I know that the trials we face are individually tailored to us for our benefit and improvement. I know that we can be blessed with actual hope if we pray for it even when we don't feel like we deserve it. I know that obedience to the commandments we have been given, as well as to the covenants we have made, always leads us to the greatest blessings available to us, and our power to further choose the positive consequences associated to any given commandment is increased. I know that Satan is real and truly, negatively effects our lives if we allow him to. He seeks our eternal destruction and tirelessly works to that end... he never gives up, which is why we too must never give up and endure to the end. I know that through the power of the atonement I will become a better servant, brother, son, friend, and future husband as I actively seek to apply it to all aspects of my life... that He will make me into something better than I could ever become through any other way... that I can one day return to live with Him. And I sincerely hope to see all of YOU there with me! YOU are the reason this earth was created by Him, therefore YOU are the reason I am here doing what I do. YOU need to know that! YOU are the greatest of all God's creations!

I thank you all for sharing your lives with me in whatever degree you have! You have helped me to become what I now am as the Lord has worked through you in so many ways. I know you all at many varying levels, from those I have recently met through to the family members who have known me longer than I have known myself, and you are all important to me. That is just the way God has designed this mortal existence to be and I thank you for joining me for the ride, from time to time. I love you all a great deal - truly one of the greatest blessings given me of the Lord - and hope for your greatest happiness and success in life. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all that you do and are!

This is merely a moment in time for us all. The Christmas holiday season of 2008. It will be gone in a blink if we don't take the time to think about what it really means to each of us individually. The focal point of it all, the reason we do what we do at this time of year, is a very personal, individual thing. May we all come to know Him better. May we have the courage and faith to commit, or recommit, ourselves to putting Him at the center of our lives. These things I leave with you, in the name of Him, my Savior Jesus Christ, amen.

I hope this Christmas has been an excellent one and that the new year to come treats you all kinds of good aplenty! Life is too good for just me to be having all the fun!

Dream Log: 12-3-08

I should have typed this out as soon as I woke up but I have other priorities which I am trying to adhere to with better consistency so this took the back seat this morning. Some of it kind of came back to me a moment ago so I thought I'd write it out since I think it's kind of amusing.

The whole dream took place outdoors, mostly in a generic forest sort of setting then at a lake surrounded by hills. The basic premise of the dream was that I was trying to escape from THE grim reaper... who was grim... and had a very strange way of reaping. He sort of had a personality. He would talk to me as well as somebody he was sort of working with(I have no recollection of any details about that person) as he was coming to get me in his strange getting fashion. I say strange because it was unclear how, or even what, he was actually going to do to me. Was he going to kill me? Was he going to just grab me and take me somewhere... wherever he delivers the dead or something? Was I actually going to die at all? It never seemed clear to me.

So I forgot to mention that I am the Hulk in this dream - that's a new one for me. I don't remember specifically being green or angry but I just know that I am the Hulk. I'm really big and tough. As I am running away from Death guy I come to the edge of the lake. There is someone there important to me. Like I either need to do my heroic responsibility and save him/her(unknown... I kind of think it was a fat guy I've never met before) or at least bring the person along as if they were particularly useful to me for some other reason.

So I tuck the person under one of my huge arms(I think I must be like 10ft tall or so) and jump over the water to get away from Death guy's new special attack he decided to use against me. It's this tiny little projectile that he seems to control through the air with his mind. I am afraid of it because I think it will kill me if it touches me - I guess that's what I thought that the attack was supposed to do.

It follows me as I am jumping away(Hulk jumps are really far... although mine aren't quite like the ones in the first Hulk movie with Erik Bana and Jennifer Connelly) the little projectile hits me in the right side sort of behind my ribs like a weird little kidney punch. It just pushes into me but doesn't seem to really be doing anything other than the discomfort of something pushing into you there... which is not bad, but definitely uncomfortable anyway. I also notice what the little object is as I am trying to grab and pull it off - It's a tiny, little, squishy human heart! Weird! Compared to my huge Hulk size it feels about as big as a small pear. I grab it with my hand and try to crush it but it's too squishy and really hard to move around since it still seems to be in Death guys mental control. So I just hold it for a little while and continue trying to jump away to safety.

That's all I really remember of the dream. Oh, there is somewhere in the dream a half-submerged Volkswagen Microbus... It was sort of a light blue/sky blue color with a white roof. I think I used it as a jumping off point in the middle of the lake but I don't really remember.

Anyway... I thought this dream was entertaining to reflect on. I hope it doesn't make me seem insane now. Ha.

The Perception of Responsibility - The Responsibility of Perception

I have made mention of this topic before but addressed it in a different way last time. I was more specific to address the aspect of perceived age last time but I think the aspect of responsibility is more directly relevant to both the situation I addressed then as well as the one I will mention today. In neither instance is there any particularly profound occurrence from which I have been inspired to write out these rambling thoughts, but I find the instances amusing anyway.

I was walking home from my morning errands today and remembered that a Ted Brown Music just opened up near my house so I thought "Cool... I should go check that place out on my way home... it's hardly out of the way." ... and thus it was. I have been wanting to learn how to play the cello for a while now and thought it might be good to check out rental prices and such. Man, cellos are cool! It will be great fun! So that was my mindset as I wandered into the store.

I was immediately greeted by a middle-aged gal who worked there with the typical "Thanks for stopping in, if you would like help with anything just let us know"-type of greeting. I glanced at a couple cello-like instruments as she was going through this canned, albeit personal, introduction and decided to chat with her before browsing around the store.

I started by asking her what the cost of renting a cello typically runs. She asked me what size cello and I responded that I didn't know that there were different sizes, that I was new to this kind of thing. She then asked about my child and school, or something along those lines, as if I could have a child which might be starting lessons or music class or something. And I realized that I must look, or act, like the parent of a child old enough to be starting music lessons. How weird is that? Probably not that weird really, but I am not used to being categorized as somebody in that way... not that I think it is a bad category to be in. I would rather like to think of myself as being in that category but I guess I feel that I have so many steps to take before getting there that I was somewhat taken aback by her apparent misperception.

Ultimately I realize I am always making changes in life as I strive to become something better than I was yesterday, yesterhour, yesterminute, and that my own self-perceptions don't always change to adapt accordingly. It's not an entirely bad thing but it can tend to leave me living in a past that no longer exists except in my head. So I think I need to start seeing myself in a more responsible, mature light since it is something I have been diligently working to change in my life for quite a while. All those motivational speaker types would be telling me to be projecting ahead(positive self-speak) anyway so I guess it is good advice for a reason.

So... if you happen to see any of my kids running around needing an instrument to start learning, just let me know. I know just where to go to get things started... even if I am not doing so well at getting the things started which lead to their existence. Ha.

Controlling the Ins and Outs

I have recently realized that there is a very critical component of life that is not very clearly defined for me. It probably never became defined because I did not pay it much heed when it was being presented me in it's many various forms. It is something that starts as a young child when your parents tell you to put your toys away or finish eating your dinner. It continues into the school years with the elements of homework, school athletics, or other extra curricular activities which involve some level of effort, some level of energy expense. And for some of us, those like myself which seemed oblivious to the importance of these learning periods, we are forced to learn many of these lessons in the golden era of decision making following the life of supported living as we move out of the nests of our rearing, spreading what little wings we have formed up to that point of progress. Certainly there is something there... The wings do exist in some shape and size... I did not completely crash into the ground below unprepared to meet it. But in some ways my poorly developed wings have not yet the strength to lift me up again until I build some significant strength and endurance. It is a matter of organization combined with focus.

Mere recognition of the facts does not necessarily define it. In this particular case I believe the actual implementation of controlled organization becomes its own definition. I think this is the case partly because it is something that, once realized, is specific to the way I see things, the way I experience organization, which is something unique to each person. We all have different forms of energy, forms of necessary input and output to organize and control.

I take a look at my computer desk for an example:

All around it lays the clutter of papers, cds, dvds, and various little trinkets and tools. Every single item holds some sort of significant meaning to me or I would have just thrown it away long ago. They all have varied importance and, regardless of how mundane or seemingly insignificant any one thing may seem, I still assign some sort of value to each greater than the equivalent of garbage sitting in a garbage can... which would at least be out of my way visually and physically.

If I had already implemented a system of organization to deal with every various item which exists on my cluttered, visually distressing desk area each piece would have been properly sorted, assigned it's necessary value, and placed accordingly wherever they would belong to that system. The dross would simply not have a place among the cream.

I need to create some stable, realistic form of organization for my life. I already have many working components which have brought me to where I already stand... I actually AM organized in many aspects of importance. It is the little things which need to be addressed and implemented. It almost seems painful.(sort of like this whole blog probably has been. Ha)

Well... My energy for this topic is running thin. I do have quite a few ideas still swirling around which I feel are quite relevant but I would rather let them stew a while to see if they can be transformed into the impetus which puts my desire in motion.

Plus... I'd rather be planning my Halloween costume... that seems WAY funner right now.

A Morning in Spanaway

He first noticed the bird, there among a flock of a different kind. Starkly contrasting his adopted brethren, his white-grey coat seemingly betraying the apparent feeling of comfortable inclusion among them. The memories of his truer family long forgotten, he sensed his future with unperturbed optimism. You see, he was one of them. A wandering, nomadic, hunter seeking for his next meal, the next repetitious, often cursory, ritual bent on survival... yet always the hope of something more lingers. He travels with this largely unguided crew of fellows, a light among the darks, sensing his hopes can become something more substantial than survival... Is it truly survival without hopes anyway?

Emotion vs Logic: Round 1

This is an incredibly complicated and very difficult-to-internalize area of thinking. I would attribute some of the challenge to the fact that I attempt to conceptualize this all in a basically logic-based type of thinking... which I guess tends to be a bias on the concept before trying to render it in any other fashion. Also, the medium of writing generally needs to be rendered in a logical fashion when it is utilized in this technical form of introspection anyway. Emotion is generally found floating in the artistic/poetic/real-time/less-controlled forms of writing anyway. Indeed, they both have their place.

So I have thought a lot about this subject lately and for the last couple months in general. Much of it has come as I have experienced unexpected, or simply powerful, emotional states from time to time. Some of these experiences have been born of trials and others have found life in the positive and peaceful times. All of this has been incredibly edifying and delightful to examine as I have found stability in the broader perspective I feel I have gained through it all.

In one of the more pronounced emotional moments of anxiety/distress/pain I was feeling incredibly emotionally influenced. I could feel the feeling pervading every part of my body but it seemed to be extending out from my core, reaching upward through my chest into the central parts of my shoulders and head. I disliked the feeling itself but more than that I disliked the other negative feelings it seemed to generate... or recruit. Little, generally benign, ideas of confusion or self-doubt began morphing into, and indeed becoming a part of, the greater initial emotion. Basic logical counterparts to all this confusion were quickly obscured and entrenched by the rapid change and confusion of the emotional landscape I was experiencing. Somehow the clear understanding of the fact that I still had a logical foothold on the whole thing was still available to access in my decision making processes about how to deal with it all. The unanswered question, however, was determining how I could make use of that still-useful, seemingly available foothold. I wanted to suppress the undesirable emotional melee through logical reasoning and pull myself out of that seemingly oppressive, even confining state of being.

I started out with the idea that if I were to recognize, or create, enough logical bridges surrounding the situation which initially caused this whole episode that the leverage necessary to bend my emotional state back into shape could be had. In a somewhat formulaic manner I saw it somewhat like this(I am by no means a mathematician/programmer by the way): If X(number of logical bridges) > Y(various selfdoubts/confusions multiplied by anxiety/distress/pain) is true then overall control of the being is directed by logical means. It made enough sense to me at the time but lacked an important component of the resolution process. Merely directing the being, while importantly addressed, was not the end product of the formula. What comes of the emotional component in the formula?

This will end round one of my current speculations for now since I have a bit of a social life to attend to at the moment and the distraction certainly detracts from the efficacy and attention necessarily devoted to either one. I plan to continue with round two soon. I hope this hasn't been too boring... It certainly is a very dry topic to tackle. Well... Maybe I am just a bit dry in my tackling of it. Sorry about that.

My photo-clicking finger should be hurting...

But it isn't... I guess I have a pretty buff finger. Or some sort of a long-distance/marathon runner-type of finger. I guess that might make some sort of sense since it does get fairly regular exercise in the pluck-and-strum activities of my guitar practice on a fairly regular basis.

So this weekend was somewhat of a blur, but indeed a delightfully whirl-windish, big smiles and laughs, type of blur. Just the kind of thing one hopes for when visiting old friends. It was powerfully hot weather at times but perfectly comfortable with a well-padded temperate breeze most of the rest of the time. It really takes a fairly obstinate prearrangement to feel as if leaving the place is the desired course to take once the time has come for my return to normal life.

Thank you to all who were participants in my splendid weekend excursion! I look forward to to my next similar such experience... whenever that time comes.

The Power of Grey Matter

It is a curious stuff... a useful kind of stuff.

I sometimes wish I had more of it.

I sometimes wish the stuff I had was just better quality.

A highly coveted stuff the world over.

Often wasted, rarely overused, although sometimes... used to spectacular result.

Even a fun kind of stuff.

An incontrovertible rudder.

An inescapable container.

A delightful mire of dream and experience.

A sincere stream of lucid emotion.

The prime commanding piece of the whole.

I have found it a pleasure to work with, though at times it has been my greatest enemy.

The fierce conviction of it's resolve is enjoyably synergistic, yet can be entirely formidable and seemingly indomitable.

An unimaginable proponent of progress and forward motion, as well a powerful source of challenge and fatigue.

A vast and ever-changing scape of the lingering past is found among it's legions... "I"

among them, born of their pieces and placement.

A clattering amalgamation of friends and rivals seeking voice in the future that is "Me."

Emergence of seemingly distant relics can sometimes gain audience unexpectedly, even

without invitation.

Perseverance, anchored by focused, purposeful direction are often the only tools of

progress.

Inextricably bound with time, it is incapable of suspension or regression.

These are a few of my thoughts on the topic of the mind and memory. Some of it is purely expression conceived in my contemplations and curiosities. Due to the nature of this immensely broad subject which I have been churning over in my mind as of late I thought it might be beneficial to etch out some of my core ideas this way. I've been drawn more toward the ideas of memory and personality lately but will more likely tackle that idea at some future point. Anyway... thus is my rambling tendency fulfilled at the moment.

Beyond all that... life is good! I am looking forward to my brief trip back to California in a couple weekends, a viewing of The Dark Knight on IMAX this coming Monday night, as well as a late dinner tonight. Yum!(I'm not actually sure what it will be yet. Ha)

(running away now)

The Effects of a Name

I have often thought of how a person's name might influence their life. From the basic

assumptions people make about you, to the unpredictable little daily quirks, to the shaping

of one's own self-image... a name, YOUR name, has a more powerful influence on your

life than I think most people consider to be the case.

My name is Aaron. It is a name of Hebrew, or possibly of unknown Egyptian, origin. It has several meanings associated with it: exalted, strong, high mountain, mountain of strength, enlightened, lofty, enlightment in love, GR the moss under the lightning (ha... I have no idea what that means), to sing, and so on. There are many variant forms of the name: Aaran, Aaren, Aarin, Aaro, Aaronas, Aaronn, Aarron, Aaryn, Aeron, Aeryn, Aharon, Ahran, Ahren, Ahron, Airen, Airyn, Aran, Arand, Arek, Aren, Arend, Ari, Arin, Arnie, Aron, Aronne, Arran, Arron, Arun, Auron, Ayren, Ayron, Erin, Haroun, Ron, Ronnie and Ronny. What does any of this mean? How does knowing any of this have an effect on me? Well I do find it interesting either way. I didn't know most of this before today so obviously it has not done much in the way of influencing me in general.

The semi-uncommon use of the name has had an effect on me in some ways. Growing up I happened to go to school with three or four other Aarons in my own grade at any given time so I did not think it was a particularly uncommon name. I was often reminded of how uncommon, or even weird, I might be as a person growing up and I typically saw that to be true of the other Aarons I knew. Somehow it made sense to me in that way. We were a different sort of breed I thought. Like somehow the name had some bearing on that... or did it?

I always thought it was cool that I was the second word in the dictionary after aardvark, that I was always first in line when we had to line up in order of first name in school, that "Air Head" was pretty much the only nickname people generally came up with, and that I shared a name with somebody in the Bible who was kind of important. Whenever I played video games and had to enter my initials for a high score or whatever I liked that I never had to change the first letter from the default letter "A" before doing the rest of my letters. I always thought it was strange that it was also a girl name, even if spelled differently, and that if you spelled my name backwards it was basically a girl name too.

One of the unpredictable daily quirks I have found is that, often being the first person in a friend's contact list on their cell phone, I often get what I have come to term as the "pocket call." I have dubbed it that since it usually seems that what I hear on the other end of the line is the background noise of life and I am now a small technological passenger in that unsuspecting friends pocket, listening to the car radio, having a casual conversation with somebody else, or just walking through a busy thoroughfare... or wherever they are. I get these calls anywhere from once a month to several times in a few minutes. These phone calls usually come from people I have not recently talked to or are not expecting a call from. I have found it to be an entertaining little diversion. And I doubt anybody named Zack will be privy to such similar little events of a basically trivial nature.

Who are you? Have you taken your own name as a part of your identity? Has it changed your perspective of who you would like to be or plan to become? I know my name has done all this to me. Maybe I'm just one of the luckier ones... named Aaron.

Dream Log: 6-5-08

I was driving somewhere, possibly headed south, in a van with a friend... I think it was with the purpose to deliver something to somebody. It had a sort of road-trip kind of feel to it since I had a bit of a distance to go and it was to a place I had little knowledge of.

The landscape was not entirely unfamiliar to me but it was not someplace I had been before. There were hills on either side of the road I was driving, the hills on the east were much more distant. I remember consulting a map with my friend and taking a turn down one of the highways toward the hills which were westward before taking another turn onto a road which continued southbound.

I arrived at a place which I did not believe was my destination but seemed relevant to stop at and go inside. My friend Cris, previously unidentified in the dream, decided to come into the building with me.

It was a church building which seemed vacant upon my entering although the lights were on anyway. I went most of the way through the main hallway to get a drink at the drinking fountain. Cris was following me talking to me as we went but I don't remember the topic of conversation. As I was drinking the water from the fountain I noticed an old friend from Red Robin a little way down the hall in the direction from which I had just come. I asked her if another of my friends from Red Robin, one which I knew she knew well, was there and she told me they were having a gathering/party for him there right then.

I started looking for him in one of the side rooms and saw a lot of people that I did not know. This is where my memory of the dream gets weird... I think my dream went into an entirely different story... sort of.

Upon entering another room I saw an old gruff man. He did not seem friendly or inclined to even talk with me. I started talking to him anyway. He began telling me about his son and how he trained his son from the time his son was a baby to be tough. He told me stories about ridiculous ways his baby son would outsmart him in his equally ridiculous methods of training. He seemed to hold quite a level of disdain for his son and even moreso for the fact that his son, even as a baby, was outsmarting his attempts to basically do away with him.

He even did this really spiderman-like maneuver in the description of something he did in attempt to foil his son. Then told me about the fact that he was a fisherman and how he did well to support his family on that. There was a bit more that happened at this part of the dream but I don't remember it other than I somehow got back to the van I was driving in and it was night time.

I was trying to drive back to my house and was getting very drowsy... in my dream. I caught myself dozing off a couple times. This is where the dream gets weird.

I woke to find myself sitting in the cab of the van, still buckled in, somewhat disoriented and confused about where I was and the fact that it was now mid-morning. My dad opened the passenger door and told me that he was glad he found the van. He and Cris had to come find me and tow it back since I had apparently driven off the road after drifting off to sleep and totalled the van while I was trying to drive home. I had that distinct feeling of helplessness after realizing I had not been able to make it home safely and felt extremely agitated that I had let myself continue driving even though I was so tired I was losing control. I was also agitated because I thought that I had actually woken up in real life and that I had to now deal with the consequences of wrecking the van and such.

I don't usually think I'm dreaming while in my dream but waking up while in my dream made it seem more like I was really awake. I had all the strange physical feelings of drowsiness and cloudy mindedness which I typically feel right after waking up but I was, in fact, still in the dream.

I don't remember much more of the dream but after waking up in real life I was quite

relieved to know that it was just a dream and that I had not wrecked a van which did not

exist anyway. Quite a happy feeling to start the day off with I think.

Environmental Evolution

Alliterating words with high syllable counts is often fun to do.

Back to normal life now.

So I recently got a new job working at Kits Cameras(aka Ritz in Cali) as a part-time sales person/lab assistant. Several times in the past I had thought of trying to acquire work there but never has it been more of a better fit than now... and I must say I am quite grateful to have landed the job, that being the case.

And so, as I have embarked on this new endeavor in the realm of experience and self-improvement in a field of personal high-interest, I have had to reacquaint myself with the old familiar feelings of newness and relative ignorance... as well as all the other feelings typically associated with the transition into a new learning experience(new class as school, new job, new scene at church, new group of friends, etc...) I wanted to write this stuff down before the newness had worn off, which most of it has obviously not since I have not even finished my second week of work there, but this could have been a bit more potent had I addressed it within the first week. As it does with most endeavors, my perspective of things changes very quickly as I adapt and learn, and the original perspective is quickly lost in the new one's wake. Nonetheless I am glad to be writing anything down.

Can you remember the way you felt entering the location of your most recent job the first time you went there? The whole place has a very flat, somewhat dark feel to it for me. The only small details that stand out are usually the most strange or out of place. I can't think of any in particular that stand out from this job.

In the beginning the people don't have names yet. Their motives seem pretty benign and are mostly portrayed by whatever marketing is littered about the store, even if it is easy to realize that they are distinct individuals obviously not created by the store. And this naturally all changes the more I get to know about each of them. They have lives outside of that place, just the same as I do. It is interesting to see how it creates a different perspective of the store as a whole as I do build that repository of peripheral knowledge.

The physical store seemed sort of insignificant as well. It held basically the same feeling as pretty much any store that I might walk into... which changed a lot once I was allowed to walk behind the counter, and even more once walked out of the sight of the general public into a back room. Not that the backroom was some sort of splendorous realm of excitement and exploration to be porred over and discovered by only the most privileged and worthy or sorts... it's really pretty small. It still changed my perspective though. Maybe it was purely the knowledge, and experience, of uncovery that made all the difference.

I remember once, when I was hired on at the movie theater in Vacaville, that I thought I would like to try an experiment and actually go by a completely different name to all the people there. I only knew the manager personally outside of the theater setting so I thought it would be very interesting to see how I might react socially to a different name. How much might it lend to the way people shape their perspective of me? Anyway... my manager didn't let me do it. I forgot to try it at this new job. The impact would not have been as good anyway since there are so many less coworkers to effect.

I also realize that the weather we were experiencing during my first few days of work somehow helped to shape my early ideas of the job. Given the season and time of year it becomes easier to realize the optimistic nature I prefer to feel in this typically challenging state of "followership"... this state of uneducated indoctrination... this door to a different version of me.

It's all very exciting. Good thing I really like cameras.

G.L.U. - Broke but not Broken - WARNING - VERY LONG

I thought it might be a good time for another "general life update" since I am sure I have been a little under the radar for a while. I type this with two of the fingers on my left hand in a painful state from being jammed during basketball last night... and on last thursday. Ha. I am glad they are not hindering my typing very much. They only hurt if I bend them.

Aspect of Life 1: Financial State/Work/Job Hunting

Holy majoly... I have not done any satellite related work that I have been paid for since March 8... Whoah! And it was pretty slow up to that point as well. Sure the pay for the work was good, and was expected to pick up, but it didn't improve or even surface in any paying form since. Thus, the job hunt ensued...

I have been lucky to get a little graphics work since then. A little. I'll be sending out the invoice for that today so that'll help. Otherwise I have been looking online and calling people in my attempt to find suitable work. The economy the way it is, and the type of work I prefer, makes things all the more challenging and sometimes annoying to wade through. I do have a second interview with Kits Camera so that's cool. At least it is work that I am sure I will enjoy assuming I take the job.

One thing this has all done is cause me to reflect on my future career and stability more than I normally do. It has encouraged me to seek the best ways possible to increase my future job security - namely, do what I can to figure out a way to get back to school.

The thought of school has always prompted mixed feelings in me. I truly enjoy the learning environment of school. I love learning about pretty much everything, generally making every classroom experience a fond memory and something to look forward to. The mixed side of it comes when I consider the cost and time. It is indeed a very foggy area to attempt to peer through... a lot of unknowns and uncertainty. Something I expect to be a positive experience nonetheless.

Aspect of Life 2: Location, location, location

I made the move up here to Washington in the expectation that I would return to my beloved Californian abode in prompt fashion to resume my life there with new financial momentum and purpose. The decision to even make the move weighed quite heavily on me as it felt more like a very hard pill to swallow than I wanted to deal with. The blue pill? The red pill? Ha. Red it is!

Now, as is clearly obvious, I have been up here for about nine months with no clear expectation of when, or even if, I can make my way back to California. I am in worse financial shape than when I arrived(obviously a temporary situation), I don't technically have my own working vehicle(my Dish Network boss is kindly lending me his truck until I can buy it), and above all of that I am inclined to stay in the area to see what might evolve with a girl I am interested in up here(quite an unusual thing coming from me.) I still don't even have a clear idea what she thinks of me. Ha. Talk about a logical reason for

staying put in Washington.

Anyway... I feel inclined to say some sort of good-bye to all the California folk who have been expecting, as I have been, my return to the 'golden state'. This is an awful way to do it, and I plan to make proper parting plans(phone calls, return trip to get my stuff out of storage/party, etc),but I think this is definitely a good, wussy way to break it to some of my friends. Ha... Blast, that stinkin' red pill!

Aspect of Life 3: Health of Mind, Body and Spirit

I am currently, jacked up fingers aside, in pretty good physical shape and only planning to get better. I have been regularly playing pickup basketball at the church 2-3 nights a week for the greater part of the last four months or so and the effects of it are warmly received. I recently made the decision to actually focus on increasing my vertical leap. I have never actually worked out with that intent before so I am hopeful to see if I can add the six inch minimum of my goal... although I am really shooting to add a foot... Ha! Definitely a challenging goal!

I try to make it to the dances when I can for the physical benefits I derive there. I like to burn it up when I can and make sure I get a splendidly potent workout in the process. I wish I could say I go to increase my chances with the ladyfolk but the one ladyfolk I am interested in doesn't usually go and probably would not be particularly impressed by my spastic limb-flinging dance funk. But hey, who knows except her? Regardless... I enjoy the workout.

I have lost about 15lbs or so since I have moved here(still would like to drop another 10lbs or more.) I have cut out fast food almost completely(seems to be about once a month or less lately.) Even started learning how to cook a little. I have made some progress at eating breakfast during breakfast time, although I still have a bit more progress to make on that account. My sleeping habits are improved but still have a long way to go. I have started to occasionally do mini sessions of stretching(very mini) to increase my flexibility. All of this has been quite a blessing to my overall self-esteem and optimism.

I have also made a few good steps forward in the improvement of my mental and spiritual health. The biggest one being the regular, consistent study of the scriptures for a minimum of a half-hour daily. The impact of such an activity is too great to be measured, it suffices me to say I can not see returning to life without it. I have also increased the length and quality of my personal prayer, a likely side effect of the aforementioned step, and a similarly increased benefit in the length and quality of my journal writing, which may also be a benefitting attribute to my mental health.

Aspect of Life 4: Art, Music, Writing, in Creativity and Expression

I purchased a nice little acoustic nylon-string guitar on 'Black Friday' last year after Thanksgiving, taking advantage of a great sale being held at Guitar Center. I had been wanting to pick up a full size acoustic for quite some time and I am quite pleased that I did! I try to keep it with me at all convenient times and places and as a result I have practiced and written with it more and more. Not that I am into 'extreme dedication' mode or anything but I probably play at least a little almost every day and have noticed improvement overall because of it. I am even writing music again. That always feels good, especially when it comes out beautifully rendered.

I also got the bug to get back into my hand-drawn art and picked up a sketch pad to do so. I didn't make it past the first page but found out that digitizer tablets for the computer are cheap now(sub $100 for a small one) and after picking one up have become quite energized for doing art again. It is encouraging as I have never before been able to combine my graphic design skills with my artist skills in quite the same way before. It makes me feel like I could actually be a professional artist or something. Ha. Maybe I am

delusional about it but I still feel it anyway.

I recently started a wedding gift for a couple of friends who just got married last weekend. I thought I would be able to finish it in a couple days but the more I got into it the more quality it became and the more I wanted to make sure I gave it my best. I work on it at least a little everyday and I now estimate I will be able to get it finished in a couple weeks or so. I'll post it up when I am finished since I am sure I will be quite proud of the finished result.

Aspect of Life 5: Family, Friends, and Foes

I have enjoyed being close to my blood-related family since I have been here. They are truly a great source of strength and peace. Something I had surely missed as I was away for all those years. It's really cool to be able to play some basketball and ping pong with my nephews once in a while too.

I love my friends! They are all the raddest, most kind, people ever! They treat me unfairly well... I wish I could return the favor to all of them... they are truly deserving of my effort. California, Idaho, Utah, Washington, and everywhere else they reside. I am exceptionally blessed!

As for foes? I guess I am my only foe at the moment. I would have it no other way as I am quite the foe to conquer sometimes.

So I think that about covers it. I mean, what else is there? Good times, that's what! I guess this has yet again been a bit of a long adventure in bloggingdom. I hope it has been at least informative, since I am sure it has not been very entertaining, and that I have not lost any Califriendians in the process!

p.s. (Hey! What happened to being able to post what music I am listening to?)

Partial Dream Log: 3-10-08

I say it is a partial dream log because I don't remember how much of the dream connects in any structured, coherent way. I have a few distinct and entertaining things to make mention of though.

So... for some reason I was in a trailer-style house at the base of a hill in the middle of somewhere that kind of reminded me of rural Idaho. I don't remember having a real fix on location but I don't remember it mattering anyway.

I was inside this house and for some reason there was a really tiny kitten that needed my help to keep it alive. I say really tiny because it was REALLY tiny! Like the whole body of it was smaller than the tip of my pointer finger. It was the cutest possible kitten my dreaming brain could possibly conceive of! Maybe because of how tiny it was... and it emitted tiny little meows here and there too.

It had lots of long white and grey hair and it was so small I had a difficult time finding a good place to carry it where it would not accidentally be crushed. I thought of sticking it in my left shirt pocket but realized it would be difficult to get back out of the pocket because of how small it was. I decided to put it into a zip-lock bag, leaving the top open so it could breathe, then stick it into that same shirt pocket.

I don't remember what I was doing in the house... I think there were other people in the dream at some point... very foggy, though, so I can't say for sure.

I was at one end of the house and I found another tiny kitten. This one looked distinctly different than the first one. It was easy for me to tell that they were not related but I thought it was best to collect that one to keep it safe as well. At some point, not much later, a mother cat which was not a normal looking cat - maybe a lynx or something exotic that I am not aware of in regular life - came and wanted the second kitten back. I don't remember it actually talking to me but I somehow knew what it wanted and gave the kitten back to it. It seemed like a nice cat even if a bit strange looking to me. I don't remember how I gave it back but I did... then the dream trails off into something else. I don't remember it very well right now.

Anyway... I might make a picture to illustrate the super tiny, cute kitten in my dream. It made me happy even just to have it in my dream. I think it will even make me happy to make the picture of it. Strange. Ha.

Walking into Change

Current mood: optimistic

It would not be something I think happens very frequently. Truly making change in one's life generally takes purposeful effort and energy to produce. There are plenty of circumstantial exceptions such as losing an arm in an accident, the diagnosis of a disease, the death of someone close, but that is not what I am addressing here.

Today I took the opportunity to take a walk. I love walking. I am fairly aware of the benefits I derive as I walk, since I have spent a great deal of time doing it, but am glad to be reminded of, and affected by, those benefits as often as I do.

The largest natural benefit I find is the opportunity to ponder and reflect in a distinctly open time frame. When I know I will not be able to do anything else for a given period of time(however long it takes to get wherever it is that I am walking) it seems to allow for more freely introspective examination of the things in life that I intend to improve. This can potentially be a dangerous time as well if the initial feelings are pessimistic or negative - which can basically lead to stewing, self-deprecating ideas, and all kinds of elevated negative emotions - but I am generally optimistic in my approach and find that I often have refreshed and invigorated motivations about life in general by the time I arrive. Often the positivity will linger for quite a while afterward even.

The expected natural benefits of walking - health, getting from point "A" to point "B", self discipline - are also important and ought not to be overlooked.

Today's walk was well timed I think. At least in respect to other things that are going on in my life. I have been working to become a better person, to change specific things in my habits and character, and lately been able to see some success in a few of those goals. I have been working on some of them for only a few months. Some of them, however, have been in my list for years. I think the walk today gave me the opportunity to recognize that I have been able to make some progress, even if only a little, on a few of those fronts and it was suddenly encouraging to realize it.

Beyond that I had an additional thought on the concept. Everybody has this ability, opportunity, and responsibility as well. If you want to make change in your life, do it... because you can... because you will if you decide to try... and it does take work, patience, reflection, and correction. I have never made the right plan on the first try, anyway, but I do enjoy the learning process of making new, and hopefully improved, plans.

So, today I walked into a change in my life... and I am quite grateful for the opportunity. I know it is a somewhat rare event for me.

Late night indulgences.

So I should already be sleeping since I do have work tomorrow... luckily it is not very early but I know I should still be sleeping already. Consistency and regularity of sleep is so extremely valuable and still a habit I have not properly formed. This is not the purpose of my writing tonight, though, so I'll just leave it at that.

I was recently given the opportunity to perform a song on guitar for an activity at church. I will normally always take these types of opportunities when they arise for a couple of reasons. There ended up being a new reason in the mix of it after reflection of tonight's particular performance. The new reason I would say is the fact that I need to learn how to take praise from others. I have been aware of my ineptitude at accepting compliments from others for quite some time but there is a different element to this particular type of praise.

The performance itself held a couple semi-unique qualities relative to other performances I have given in the past. One was the fact that I was playing guitar alone (not bass guitar.) Two was the fact that I played a piece of music that was completely my own creation (a totally solo writing effort.) I have done similar things in the past but this somehow took a different shape for me this time. It had different value and therefore changed the value of the praise I received from it.

I think that my outward reception of praise might not be so off kilter. What I believe I need work on is how to internalize it properly. It might be hearkening back to my general misunderstanding with how people really see me in the first place. When I receive a compliment or praise I don't really know what people are saying unfortunately. I really do appreciate the gift of a compliment - positive people are totally great examples - and I am sure I just think about things far too much for my own good, but what do people really say to me when they give me a compliment? I feel at a loss with this stuff far too often. (Is there a grammatically correct word in the English language with three o's in it?)

Anyway... I feel like I need practice accepting praise... uh... that sounds sooooo campy. Ha. I am not fishing for compliments here! Ha. Whoops. What I mean is that I need to learn to turn off my analytical mind about the compliments/praise people offer me.

On to other things...

I was thinking about how I am currently interested in a girl I somewhat recently met. I do this kind of thing when I become interested... think about her and all that. I so rarely become interested that I feel like I am learning about the process all over again each time it happens. I think that is normal to some degree since every person is a unique influence on me anyway, but the time factor in the disparity of interested times of my life certainly does a lot too.

So I was thinking that I am pretty sure I am awful at really being able to seperate her socially from the rest of the girls which I am not interested in. It's weird to think that I should be segregating people on purpose but I really think that is something I probably should do. I want her to feel like she is somebody uniquely important to me. I am not "in love", trying to force commitment, or trying to climb into her life uninvited or unexpected. I am simply very interested and I think there must be some way of treating her accordingly

without coming off overly aggressive or, possibly in my case, disinterested. I probably shouldn't think about such things when I am tired.

I feel like I am stumbling around in the dark as it is since I have very little idea what her interest level in me is but I don't think that is the point. I can not say she is disinterested in me just as much as I can not say she is interested in me so I guess it's like a 50/50 shot for now. Pretty good odds from where I am sitting. Ha.

Anyway... I guess this is me baring my ignorance to the world who cares enough pay attention. Thanks for listening. That is all I need once in a while.

Trip to the land of memories... new and old. WARNING - SUPER LONG!

I recently had the privilege to make a one-week return to my beloved California home. It was an adventurous experience in so many ways that I thought it would be a good topic for some writing here.

Thursday -

It was, from the very onset, a somewhat ruckus and crazy endeavor as I made my way down to CA in the middle of a blasting, rainy storm of nearly biblical proportions... okay, maybe not like Noah biblical, more like Washingtonian proportions x 2. It was the worst rain/wind storm I have ever seen as far as I can recollect. I say that in total seriousness. I have never been in such heavy and enduring rain. I had to detour off of I-5 over to Hwy101 and it basically added eight or so hours to my trip down.

In all that time to think, going that slow pace with little to no traffic for a large part of the way, I reflected on many of my CA-based memories with fondness. I kind of felt like I was somehow saying good-bye already and I was not even there yet nor did I have plans that would be keeping me away. I may have shed a tear or two. I can't quite remember since I was pretty exhausted.

Friday -

I finally arrived at 11:30am-ish, barely in time to pick up Wyatt to go to a "Friends of Nora Hunter" lunch at Joe's Buffet at noon. Joe's Buffet is a good place to go if you wanted to go alone just for sandwiches... since it was intended as a social gathering which Nora organized it was ten, no, 11 times better an experience just for the people I was happy to see. Nora, Jeremy, Ryan & Nellie, Ken, Pres and Sister Siefke, Ken, MiLinnda, Wyatt, and Elder Davis(who will die from eating peanuts.) What a treat! Wyatt and Nora shared some friendly words, Jeremy wore his hat and sunglasses, Sister Siefke took pictures, Nellie shared news of a new arrival. And I had only been in town like an hour or something.

I met up with one of my clients and did some video editing work as soon as I got back to Jeremy's. We were pretty productive until I needed to meet up with another client to do some other computer work.

We were also pretty efficient and stayed pretty well on schedule so I could leave to head to the Fairfield Table Tennis Club at the Senior Center to meet up with my friends from the club there and play a little bit. Mike DeWynter, David, Alan, Nat, Tony, Alfredo, Mike Lewis, Mary, Ramon, and a few others all made it. I got to play with Mike DeWynter, who I enjoy playing more than almost anybody else, and was actually able to pull a match out. I had not played more than a couple times since I was last in town but had the advantage of my odd style being odd again since I had not played him in even longer. It was a bit weird not having Boyd there since he was my main practice partner for the last couple or so years.

Adam also showed up to hang out and he, Alfredo, and I headed out to Sacramento to meet up with Matt and a myspace friend Stacy. We got out of the club a bit later than planned so we missed the rollerskating portion of the evening but Matt organized a pretty cool group of people and we all headed over to the Denny's nearby for a bite and some socializing. It was good to meet Stacy as well as Matt's friends Cammy, Mike, and Mike. We all had a pretty lax time and seemed to enjoy each others company. I think Alfredo and Adam even enjoyed it regardless of me and Matt being the only people they new beforehand.

I stopped by with the guys to check out Matt's new place on the way home. A nice little pad.

Saturday -

I woke up early(early like 9am or something) to head to the club again before going to the Oakland Temple to take some pictures after Chad and Emerie's wedding. Got to play a little bit again then said my good-byes and headed out.

Since my timing got kind of messed up to get to the temple on time I decided to head to Red Robin for a meal and to see who I might recognize there. It was really good to see Sue, Ron, and Sonya, and I recognized a few more that I did not know very well. It was a busy Saturday as usual but I had a delightful Fajita Fiesta Pollo Salad in snappy quick fashion. That seems to be my favorite thing to get there nowadays.

I then headed to Concord to pick up a battery charger for my camera. On my way back from Concord I stopped by Alfredo's house to get my bass guitar. It was cool to see his little one, now over 7 months old(maybe older, I can't remember) for the first time. Cute little girl! Their house was pretty nice and back yard was huge.

I went back into town and met up with Cris at the library. It was really good to see his shrunken self for the first time after his return from his mission to the Phillipines. He lost like 60+ lbs over there... and I don't think he plans to look for them. We looked for some audio books at the library for a bit then headed to a late lunch at Hop Hing's. Man, if I could choose only three places to eat on my trip I had just accomplished that after my visit to Hop Hing's.

Cris and I parted when I had to do some more computer work before heading back to Jeremy's to get ready for the reception. Matt came over for a ride and Cris rejoined us as we got lost on our way to the reception. I got my country clubs mixed up but we got there in time for most of the fun stuff.

Tons of delightful faces to see! Lots of friends I did not expect too. Too many to list. I brought my camera along with the idea that I would enjoy taking a few pictures here and there but that idea was sufficiently stifled by the continuing opportunity to visit with old friends. No pictures - no big deal. I have my memories to keep me warm.

I had a few sweet good-byes there since I knew I would not be seeing some of them at church the next day and such. A positively emotional evening.

Sunday -

I got to church on time to give opening prayer but forgot to pick up Adam so went and got him right after the prayer. It was fast Sunday so we got back in the middle of "Fast and Testimony" meeting. It only took a few minutes for the Spirit to prompt me to share my own testimony. A very sweet experience, as was the rest of the meeting. I truly miss my friends there and their encouraging, positive influence on me.

Ernest was teaching Sunday school so I had to stick around for that before heading off to the Solano ward. Ernest has always been one of my favorite teachers and I am quite glad I stayed.

The Solano ward was quite a different experience than I remembered. Many of the old crew were still there but it had a different feeling to it. It was good to see so many of those old peeps too. Bishop Esplin was no longer the Bishop so I did not get to see him unfortunately. I'll have to catch him next time I go down.

I headed over to a friends house to visit for a bit before heading to "Break-the-Fast" at President Siefke's. We had a taco salad main course and tons of brownies for dessert. There were, of course, other things to eat but they are obviously less memorable. Ha. Lots of people showed up and it was good times just like I remembered. I did have the opportunity to get some pictures in this time... also, much like I remembered. We stayed good and long. Maybe a bit too long.

I was going to hang with Adam again but forgot to turn on my ringer in my phone so I missed his call. I went back to Jeremy's and hung with him the rest of the evening. We watched some t.v. and chatted the rest of the evening.

Monday -

I briefly stopped by at my friend house to help with computer issues still unresolved.

I was not aware of the demise of the "Friends of Elder Winnie" lunch so I tried to get the info out on one that I planned which met at Hop Hing's(I really love that place.) Jeremiah, Adam, and President Siefke were the only ones to make it but we had a good meal and a good time anyway. Adam is very apprised of the political scene and I found it inspiring to chat with him on the subject.

I met up with my video editing guy at Jeremy's again and we got to work for the afternoon again. We stayed pretty productive until I had to leave for F.H.E.

We had an excellent lesson on goals from Brother Mears. I am still inspired that I need to be more diligent about clearly defining and reviewing my own personal goals.

We then got letters back from ourselves that were written a year ago in F.H.E.! Awesome! Jimmy said "Hi." to me in my own letter to me. There were quite a few other things I am quite glad I was able to read at that time. What a blessing of timing to be able to have that activity on the only night that I would be in town. We then wrote more letters to ourselves for a year from now. It feels like I should make it a tradition.

A good size crew hung around to socialize for quite a while afterward. We didn't go anywhere for food or anything but had a good chat nonetheless. Once again, like old times.

Tuesday -

I went into work at the office of one of my clients for most of the day. I did not make as much progress as I was hoping. It was good to see the new office though. Things seem to be progressing.

I then headed over to help with some more computer stuff at a friends house. Also not quite as much progress as was hoped for but I am sure they have already gotten it taken care of.

I went home and hung with Jeremy again. Relaxing and slow-paced enjoyment.

Wednesday -

I met up with one of my web clients in the morning. Had a relatively good meeting then headed into my other clients office to check up on things before heading back to WA.

Things were still not in order so I ended up sticking around for a few extra hours trying, unsuccessfully, to get things squared up before I headed out. I might be heading back within the next couple weeks to continue that particular puzzle solving.

I ended up not having the time or availability to get my storage taken care of at all since the rain was already making a fairly sever comeback. I just paid my bill for another month, dropped off a couple things at a friends house, and headed on my way.

I checked the weather report for Shasta, which looked good, so decided to head up I-5 this time. Much to my dismay I was met with a complete mountain closure at the Siskiyou pass on the border, chains or not. Quite a bummer. I had to buy chains for my rental car back in Yreka and I ended up going back to Yreka to have some hot chocolate and a bagel at Denny's. I decided to go to sleep in my car in a hotel parking lot for a few hours then check the mountain report.

Thursday -

I woke up around 4am and headed back up to the pass. In almost comical fashion I was turned around at the top to go back to put my chains back on and as soon as I finished, and I mean within minutes of me finishing hooking the chains back onto the car, they lifted the chains requirement completely. I laughed pretty good at that little scene and am glad I was there to witness it... even though it was happening TO me anyway.

Onward I drove, heading back north to the land of rain and apples. My friend Kevin had some cd's for me at his house in Vancouver so I stopped by his house, just a little west of I-5, and was met by a completely unexpected flash hail storm as I walked from my car to his house. Hail was coming down everywhere and flooding gutters and streets within a minutes time or so. It all lasted about 5 minutes as I picked up the cd's and was basically done when I decided it would be best for me to head out. I didn't want to get caught in

another storm. I had enough of those at this point.

On my way out of town I was amazed to see all the hail covering the streets and everything. Probably half an inch or so.

I didn't end up having any more troubles all the way home. I was surprised to discover, though, when I walked into the house that I apparently was in Vancouver at the exact time that a tornado touched down. Even more surprised later when I found out it was only blocks away from where I was. Who knew? I didn't think to look around for that kind of thing so I didn't actually see it. But I guess I could have. Weird.

So... That is where I must bring things to a close. I did not expect to write so prolifically on this experience. My hamstring hurts so I rather expected this to be a shortened entry if anything. If you have actually gotten this far let me know and I'll reward you with something, really. I am not sure what yet. I'll try to make it good.

And this concludes my first trip report of '08. I loved it!

So... uh... go grab a snack or something. I am sure it has been a while since you have eaten.

Incarnations of the Elusive

Current mood: inspired

I have always wanted to be ________.(fill in the blank)

Some personal examples:

I have always wanted to be able to dunk a basketball with two hands.

I have always wanted to be able to proficiently play guitar and sing at the same time.

I have always wanted to be good at reading books.

I have always wanted to be a morning person(my favorite time of the day.)

I have always wanted to be in good physical shape.

I have always wanted to be able to open my mouth when I know I should(not just to eat food.)

I have always wanted to be the best friend I can be.

I have always wanted to be a totally honest and clear communicator.

I have always wanted to be a good example to others.

I have always wanted to be trustworthy of all people.

I have always wanted to be diligently creative.

I have always wanted to be like my friends, but unique from them.

I have always wanted to be good at schoolwork.

I have always wanted to be poetic in my expression.

I have always wanted to be able to read people well and understand their needs.

I have always wanted to be a good brother to my siblings.

I have always wanted to be totally capable of cheering anybody up.

I have always wanted to be one who does not care about money(whether I have it or not.)

I have always wanted to be in control of my direction in life.

I have always wanted to be well-known of all people(for reasons of clarity.)

I have always wanted to be accurate and precise in all endeavors.

I have always wanted to be a very fast typist.

I have always wanted to be able to see both sides of all equations.

I have always wanted to be loved.

I have always wanted to be a righteous leader.

I have always wanted to be a singer.

I have always wanted to be good at sight-reading piano music.

I have always wanted to be better at coping with other people in physical pain(I don't like, but totally appreciate the doings of what those in the medical profession do.)

I have always wanted to be extremely consistent.

I have always wanted to be myself.

And there are certainly many more.

In all of these thoughts I have only succeeded in achieving to a degree, never fully attaining my perfect idea of any of them, yet still have something to show for them in the light of progress. I am quite thankful for the blessings of my progress in many of them. Regardless of how far away I am from my goal in each I still do benefit from the pursuit itself, as well as the sometimes negligible improvement in any of them in my life.

Most of these take a high level of focus and determination for me to achieve, yet, there they are in my mind... something I would like to be. It is easy to be discouraged about many of them... even more so against the basis of comparison to others. But that is merely a pitfall to be avoided as often as it arises.

So, as I sit in contemplation of the coming year I ask myself a question. What will set this year apart from the rest?

I already know much of the answer lies in the specific direction I am headed at the beginning. It is a plan to become something better, which is not a new plan at all, but this year it is already set apart by the fact that I have carried some momentum into it from last year.

I usually don't bother to make any distinction in the time of a new passing and beginning year but this year I am making an exception.

The one resolution I have this year is to not wait until next new year to make more resolutions. Progress needs to happen regularly and without procrastination! This is a true fact that I so often brush aside, and my hope is that my resolution this year will help me eventually squelch that poor "I'll do it tomorrow" misconception.

I think it should make for a fun challenge.

Thanks for listening/reading/contemplating with me. Y'all deserve a medal.