Wondering where my dependence has gone?

I have been so independent of a relationship for so long that it is somewhat frightening to me when I think about how I have somehow gotten along without it all these years. I know that I need my friends for their human, positive influences... but what about the more meaningful relationships?

I know, through logical realization as well as my limited personal experience, that the more intimate relationships have the greatest potential for positive life change... yet I seem to lack the compelling drive to find one, beyond my own dispositions to find that which I assume fits me the best. Why am I so picky? It is like I somehow feel like I should be, and can be, even though experience has shown me that doing so simply foregoes the greater good.

It seems like what I am seeking is actually a fantasy... like it doesn't actually exist. But, rather, I think I had a semi-new revelation about this today - that it actually does exist, but that I simply seem to either ignore it or just don't know how to see it despite its possible presence in my life from time to time. It is something I need to be more faithful about.

I need to be much more proactive, in any case!

The delightfully long conversations.

I really enjoy catching up with old friends. Especially ones that are great conversationalists, and even more especially, in person. It's a great way to recenter yourself, too. It really helps to set your mind straight a little... the people that know you so well.

Slowly wrapping up the final general education classes.

It feels good to be down to the last couple weeks. I still have a decent amount of work to do but it looks to be quite reasonable and even somewhat fun if I am smart about it. Some political stuff and some financial stuff and mostly presentation-style in form. I like writing papers on occasion... but I always enjoy giving presentations. Fun times!

Service to the unknown.

There is a different sort of thing which happens in the service of someone unknown, or even unseen, that is a blessing to the heart of the renderer of said service. It is an act of faith which claims a blessing in a way different than that of the service rendered to those we know better. It is a powerful, important sort of thing which literally blesses every person connected to it. And I am grateful for the knowledge of this and the many opportunities I have to experience it... as I am always changed in a positive way through its divinely bestowed influence.

Photo editing is fun.

At least it is fun when the proper tools are available. It is always fun to look into the moments expressing a friend's inner enjoyment and external beauty. A nice peaceful moment, an exciting joyful moment, and a candid pensive moment... which might be somewhat cliche for photography standards... but I still enjoy finding them and seeing how artfully and nicely I can craft them. The hobby of making people look great is quite a fun one indeed!

Glow-face Voldemort.

But it could have been so much more. In any case I can't really complain about the result. It seemed to be generally entertaining at the least. Plus, I think I'm starting to enjoy the process of applying all that transformational makeup anyway... a weird sort of artistic endeavor I think. Well... weird for me, anyway. Fun weird!

Forgetting the best thoughts of the day.

Which is totally normal but still kind of annoying. It would be nice to be able to record the cooler ones as I have them so I can pull them up for review when I finally do get to writing things down... but I suppose it's a whole different kind of thing by that point anyway. No loss, really... I guess it's just the way things evolve. Or maybe I'm just saying that to feel good about forgetting the good stuff. Ha.

Back in the online saddle.

Work has been pretty bonkers over the last couple days and I think I got derailed a bit from my online happenings. Anyway, I'm back and somehow more aware of the boring nature of my postings, relatively speaking. I have made the resolutions to improve my writing here in the past on multiple occasions but have never really followed through very well... I think I need to give that another shot. Entertainment is important, I think. So... now it's time for me to go to bed. Ha.

Entertainment as a gift.

I am always quite happy to be the entertainer. There are so many different ways I am lucky enough to fill this role, some of them more subtle than others, and they all make me feel like my life's gifts are well used. Maybe it's sort of nice to be efficient from time to time!

The inclination to defend myself.

Earlier today I read a well-written blog post by a gal(who thought of herself as an "older" young single adult) which addressed many of her thoughts about the "older" ysa crowd that seem to be misunderstood or overlooked. I like her commitment and candor to her defense of many of the common misperceptions and I even found it somewhat encouraging to realize I am not the only person who thinks of some of these things.

For reference here is her blog post: http://katierosebastian.blogspot.com/2013/10/setting-record-straight.html

Anyway... I don't feel the need to be critical of what small percentage of her comments don't quite hit the mark for me... rather, I am thankful she took the time to make a statement in a way I have not yet(and even still currently) devoted enough time to doing myself. Here's to being lazy about it, I guess! Ha.

Transformation.

I do enjoy the opportunity to put a new face on once in a while. It's sort of a perspective thing but I'm sure there's more to it than that.

I occasionally think about the idea of myself inside of my body and how I am definitely fixed into this shell forever. It could be fun to be inside a different life sometimes though that doesn't mean I'm in any way dissatisfied with my own. I just like the idea of personal insight... learning to empathize with other life situations.

Anyway, I like dressing up into other things. It's good fun.

Fog and the money inside it.

I have to say I am quite thankful for the overtime and all that... but I am not sure I really enjoy sitting around all day. Ha. It is always fun to get a change of pace, though, and the diversity of tasks is always cool, too... so I can't really complain. Just reflect.

The audience of one.

Sometimes we do things so that people will think good things of us. Sometimes the simple appearance seems important to maintain for the benefit of the world. It is not very common when the intended audience has shrunken to the sum total of a single person. I supposed it probably isn't actually a bad thing but it certainly feels strange when put into perspective... perhaps greedy, as well. Ha.

The highly productive day.

Especially the ones with a wide variety of people and activities... they're pretty much awesome every time. Plus it looks like my coming term at school will be a pretty nice schedule for once. Things are always looking up... I guess I just have a hard time seeing that sometimes! Ha.

Rolling into the storm.

The political scene of the times is certainly a turbulent one. I am not a particularly politically-minded fellow but I am interested to see what happens over the next few days. I think there will be a lot of important changes to take place and a lot of growing pains to go with them. I should be more diligent in my journal content surrounding it, I think.

Wreckless week beginning.

Sometimes I just wanna throw caution to the wind... whatever that means. Ha. I don't really know... but it felt like that is kinda what I was doing today. I expect a good week, though, as I have a lot of solid opportunities in a wide variety of important life circumstances; social, career, school. All in all I expect good things to come. That's pretty cool in my book!

Reaching out to each of us.

I am so thankful for my knowledge that God loves all of His children. He never stops trying to draw us back to Him. He never stops offering us every possible opportunity to grow, change and improve. We are all blessed with a piece of His character in different ways. We are ALWAYS blessed for taking ANY steps in His direction. What a beautiful blessing life is!

Car challenges.

Why do car brake systems fall down, son? So we can learn to put them back together... the right way. Luckily I have all of Monday to tackle that challenge. Ha.

Beyond that things were all kinds of good today. Loves me some good band practice fo' show!

Strength in numbers.

It all begins with one as me
Yet one more is more than me
In freedom found is found between
The faithful courage synergy

A needful piece within the life
A gentle, kind and simple way
A friendship keen and deep within
A smile finds my soul today

Always still a human.

No matter how much I skip the real parts of life they never actually go away... and when them remind me of their presence I am sometimes annoyed and surprised... but mostly just humbled. I guess it's much better to keep moving forward with a piece of reality in view instead of pushing it off to the side where I might forget about it.

I love saving money on car repairs.

But I am sure that is one of those things in life that is so universal that there is literally not one person who prefers the opposite... so, ya... I guess I'm preaching to the choir on that one.

Anyway, it always feels good to do your own car work. It's sort of like getting around the system in a way. Plus it's a fairly empowering feeling once you've finished all your work and the car is actually working how it's supposed to. This will hopefully be the result once I finish my work tomorrow or Friday.

School is interesting.

It occasionally has true moments of boredom but generally is full of things to push my thinking in one way or another. Today was all kinds of interesting stuff with a good dose of motivational energy. I don't know what it means for me tomorrow or the next day but that's okay... I think it'll grow into something useful in the future... which is the purpose of school I guess.

Better late than never!

This is true of several sorts of things in life. Keeping a record, even if it is a bit foggy or misinformed, is still better than no record at all. Doing the right thing is always better done than not. Even getting started on a family falls into this category... even though I'd much rather not continue on with the lateness for this one!

Anyway... it was a good day. And now, even though the rains are blustery and beatingful, I expect this to be a good week... mostly because of my attitude, I suppose.

Rolling toward a new life.

It often feels this way after general conference weekend. My hope for the better things is bolstered and my expectations of a better self are improved. I think the coming week will be quite the start despite my own attempts to do otherwise. Ha.

Finding inspiration.

This is something I need to try to do with much more energy and effort. I was quite happy to feel many glimpses of it throughout the day today... and I definitely look forward to it tomorrow. I can certainly find many new pieces of hope to enjoy at the very least.

Doing thing well enough.

I am realizing how much I have changed my perspective of the importance of good grades as I roll into my final three terms. Mostly, it seems I am quite happy just to be passing a class more than getting the A that I was so bent on getting during the earlier part of my college education. My G.P.A. is still doing pretty well and will still end up in the middle to high 3.5ish range no matter what I do since there is so few classes left. It is a little disappointing in some ways but quite realistic in others. I guess it happens to everybody in one way or another.

Likeminded people.

Sometimes I think that meeting as a group of people that happen to share a common goal is a little bit weird... and depending on their goal, creepy. Ha. I don't mind being a part of that group, however, since that goal is all about fun... or at least telling a good story.

I have not met up with this particular group more than once in the past but I am certain it is time well spent that I intend to repeat in the future. Lots of friendly smiles and good ideas were shared tonight and I would like to contribute whenever I can. Fun times!

Closing in on the final stages of schooling.

It seems my time is drawing near FAR faster than I was really preparing for. I do still have two and a half more terms left before graduation actually happens... but... I am definitely not caught up on my portfolio polish for that in almost any degree of my own personal satisfaction. Ooogah.

Luckily, I still have some time to get things done. And it is quite excellent that I am gaining opportunities to advance my experience to this end. One of my teachers has given me a couple calls now to do some work on a couple projects and I think the experience is most satisfying. I better get my butt in gear and make use of all this awesomeness!