Reminders.

There are certain things in life that really stick with you. There are people, moments, concepts, lessons, colors, smells, smiles... feelings... dreams... that seem to resonate and echo so strongly in one's memory that their impact doesn't seem to fade... there are only times when they might seem to fade because of all the noise in life that tends to crowd in. Sometimes, when you find a lucky bit of clarity and quiet, and the noise becomes a bit muted, and the pain of the unnecessary things falls away into the lingering obscurity, those certain things come back and the impressions of their impact can be felt again... and I consider it a blessing. The memories we cherish, the nostalgia of a past perceived through rose-tint, are always a blessing. Every reminder of the goodness we once enjoyed is always welcome even if some of those reminders only serve to emphasize a loss between then and now. Love and pain are inseparable and this isn't a bad thing... it just is a thing. And sometimes it is a thing that inspires one like me to write about it. I feel inclined, despite what I was lucky enough to already do in life, to say good bye once again. Is it to make a further attempt at some sort of emotional closure? I don't know. But it is something I feel to do even as I sit by myself knowing there isn't a specific response I can receive. Perhaps it is just a moment. Perhaps it is just another step in the process of grieving. I know there will be many more in the future and I look forward to those, too. Feeling is one of the greatest blessings of being alive... to me. Truly.

Family is so important.

If ever there was a more obvious statement made by anybody... this could be it. This is a statement that, without words, is understood by the whole of humanity as a very foundational element of human existence. The more obvious needs met by the family unit(namely those relating to physical survival) tend to reflect some of the other needs(such as emotional, intellectual, social) which should be at least addressed by the family as well. Every person experiences trials in all of these areas on a daily basis and how we deal with, experience, and understand our trials largely stems from what we have learned through our experiences with our family. Certainly, we gain similarly valuable experience from so many sources not related to our family experience but the core of it all comes from our family in some way. The family is part of one's foundation. I am FAR more lucky than I could ever hope to be for the family I am a part of... which generates a constant source of gratitude in my life. I only feel to express my gratitude for their presence in my life at the moment. I feel I can not be more grateful than I am right now. This holiday season has been a great reminder of that.

A different kind of holiday season.

I haven't been as consistent with my entries as I'd like to be lately. Some of it has been work related or schedule related but some of it has been some lingering aftermath of my mother's passing. Emotional challenges are normally the time when I become a more frequent contributor to this cause but I suppose this one has been quite different than any I have experienced before. I don't intend to paint the idea that I have been depressive or functionally out of sorts... I have just lacked the motivation to really dive into this writing for some reason. I know the cathartic value it has for me but I guess I have felt more inclined to linger a bit in the raw, unpolished, somewhat misunderstood emotions I have experienced along the way. I think there is some value to that as well, even if I was not specifically approaching it with that intent. Anyway... It does feel good to get some thoughts out now. I shouldn't be such a stranger to it.

The first break after vacation.

I will be doing some editing but it will otherwise be a day at my leisure. I don't know if I am just a little burned out or I just really appreciate my own free time a little more than usual but I am looking forward to the day. I am looking forward to sleeping in. That'll be nice. I feel the freedom of my future and it all feels very positive so that's a pretty rad bonus, too. Good times to come!

Is there such thing as progress?

Or is it just luck? Or timing? Or perspective? Or simply being a different person? I don't know but I don't really feel like I am any better a person than I ever have been. If anything I'm worse. I'm more tired and apathetic than I used to be. But I do feel lucky for any steps that appear to be progress. Steps are better than sitting on the stairs.

Coming to the end.

It has been a grand, restorative, cathartic jaunt away from what I consider home and work. I have visited many beautiful places, many old and true friends, and soon I will begin my trek back into the life I have chosen. There is already work waiting for me there. It looks to be a good time. But I am certainly in no hurry to find it. I will take a couple days to lazily make my way back, choosing the route along the oceanside over the route through the country. I look forward to seeing what I see. It should make for a pleasant finish to this long overdue, highly needed vacation.

Traveling is its own triumph.

We had a somewhat tricky trip here, narrowly avoiding a couple potentially major accidents, but we made it safely nonetheless. We have enjoyed spending a lot of time with family and a few friends while we have been here, further relishing in the beautiful weather and incredibly scenic surroundings. The lack of responsibility has been a boon to my spirit and emotional balance. And even though it hasn't been all smiles,(as the occasional sting of recent events would incur) I would still call this vacation a successful escape, and necessary catharsis, from the weight I have long carried in tow. And there's still lots left to enjoy. It is a wonderful thing.

On the way out with a bang.

Today was a long day but it was shared with a great crew. The work was fun and challenging and I hope to do more of it.

Almost free.

I picked up a bunch of work over the last several days and after tomorrow's gig I'll be rearing to hit the road. It has been a good crop of work but I am really looking forward to the time away. My brain, my soul... my heart needs the break. I plan to shoot my own stuff as I go but it definitely won't be work. I plan for it to be art, instead.

Work is a valuable form of healing.

It is a distraction, yes, which has it's value for being that but there is more to work's value than just being a distraction. It is service. It is focus. It is collaboration. It is effort. It is usefulness. It is living in a valuable way. Too much of it can be unhealthy but lack of it is positively wretched. I am quite lucky to love my work.

Starting to get back in a groove.

I wouldn't exactly consider myself a fully functioning working man yet but I kind of feel like the work I'm doing is a decent dose that seems to be helping my emotional state. The distance of time(it has been 15 days since Mom's passing now) has started to have it's natural healing effects, I suppose, and I certainly can't complain about that. Time is an important ally in some of life's personal battles.

Reminiscing with old buddies.

Today was basically a day of hanging out with rad people, some of which I haven't seen much for maybe twenty years or more. And it was quite the experience, something like the high school reunion. The difference this time was our inclination to be more open about the challenges and trials we have been through over the years. These are true friends as opposed to the more casual(though still important) kind. I am grateful for their kindness and enduring friendship. I am a lucky man despite the unlucky challenges of late.

Taking a break from the pain.

Maybe it seems a little disingenuous but I think I kind of needed a "non-day" where I sort of avoided thinking about anything pain related. I just needed an emotional break, I suppose. Plus, I might be a little physically ill so going the "do nothing" route seemed well justified. I still have a bit of congestion which might take another day or two to work out but I don't think I have a fever or anything anymore(if I ever had one in the first place.) I just look forward to the week. Should be interesting.

The varied and lengthy healing process.

Too much emotion for one day. Too much emotion for one week. The memorial was a beautiful experience that heaped up the emotion like an avalanche of love and sorrow. And even though the process of healing began long ago, I feel like having gone through the technical process of memorialization and departure has opened a new door to the various ways one can say goodbye. I might be getting somewhat ill physically tonight(I am not sure if it's just the lasting effects of my emotional blitz) so that doesn't really help much at the moment. I want to say I feel clearer and more positive or optimistic but can't quite say anything like that yet... but perhaps I will be able to soon. Perhaps.

The pain of loss. Part 12 of ∞.

Spending so much time with the family is likely the best kind of therapy for this sort of loss. The feeling of connection and love is incredible and even though it can not replace the deficit of Mom's passing it does remind me of the better times in life in an undeniable way. A good friend said it better than I can - "Like I've said since I lost my dad, you might not get over this, but I promise that you'll eventually get used to it." I know the pain will linger indefinitely as it is a loss impossible to replace without Mom herself filling it... but... we all will gain the strength to continue on in life as we must. Life will always persist regardless of quality until that quality is literally too dangerous or the functional strength to live becomes too weak. That's a long way off for me, I expect. A long, lonely way.

The pain of loss. Part 11 of ∞.

The graveside funeral was basically as challenging an experience as one would expect. It was a good experience in the emotionally important sense. A bit of therapeutic expression as we shared our feelings and allowed them to run their course. I expect there is more yet to come when we have the public memorial on Saturday but it might not be as taxing then as it was today... or maybe it will be worse... I don't know. It will be another important step to healthily healing our emotional balances. Grief is an important part of life's experience. I can't imagine it is ever something one enjoys as it is happening but it's retrospective value always adds something positive to whatever is happening in the present even if it isn't necessarily acknowledged or even understood. The value of experience is easily overlooked but that doesn't make it any less valuable.

The pain of loss. Part 10 of ∞.

It seems that this experience is one that will continue for some time to come. As the people, events, moments, and other reminders of Mom resurface, unexpectedly in some cases, a freshened sting seems to poke at the heart. It also comes as others experience their own grief as I, in my empathetic nature, tend to share the pains they feel about it. Tomorrow will be incredibly challenging, I expect, as we participate in the graveside service. The family will be there together, experiencing her loss again, and I am not sure how I will handle the pain of it. I know it will come and go... and that, to some degree, the memories of the experience will have to fade in time... but that doesn't really make it any easier right now. It is just another step in the process of grieving.

The pain of loss. Part 9 of ∞.

I'm currently tired... but I am also tired of feeling pain. It seems to make my emotional core shut down and almost become amnesiac to what has happened. I just want to sleep and not remember the pain. I want to have nice dreams about the future.

The pain of loss. Part 8 of ∞.

It has now been a whole week since Mom passed away... and even writing that statement brings an emotional sting. People are kind and offer their condolences but it so often feels somewhat hollow to hear. This feels like a pain unknowable to all who have not experienced it... and those who have experienced it are part of a club nobody wants to join. Every well wish extended my/our direction is appreciated for its intent... but still feels hollow. Maybe it's just that I feel hollow to hear it. That I just don't have a way of relating it through their attempts to offer solace in any meaningful way. Maybe I am just apathetic to there unknowing situations otherwise.

The pain of loss. Part 7 of ∞.

In an odd coincidence of timing Jimmy Fallon also lost his mother recently. And a couple other friends of mine also had family members pass away somewhat recently(within a month or two.) It is probably not actually an odd coincidence since that is just how life goes... but sharing a similar period of time in which similar sorts of experiences occur with other people does seem to lessen the blow a little. I don't know if it's just being reminded that others experience trials similarly, in a communal form of commiserating, or something else. I do somehow feel somewhat more emotionally connected to those people, though. Maybe that simple feeling alleviates some of the pain in some strange way. Even if they don't say anything to me, or even know that I exist(Jimmy Fallon), the bond of a shared experience feels strangely empowering... even if only just a little bit. Every little bit is appreciated. The pain of a loss this deep can always stand to benefit from even a tiny breath of relief.

The pain of loss. Part 6 of ∞.

Another thing that seems a bit cliché, almost like something you expect to see from the movies, is when you happen upon your father who has been crying to himself in the kitchen. He had the most to lose when Mom passed away and it would be a totally natural thing for him to experience a level of grief I will never be able to understand... and I feel incapable of helping him through it all. It is a pain of my own loss mixed with a pain of helplessness. I don't know if it was too overwhelming to fully process for me but I think I was sadly buoyed up by a stoic dose of apathy in this case. My ineptitude tends to revert to self-defense in a way unbefitting a son of such loss. I am more annoyed by my reaction as I reflect on it now... I believe it is not a healthy was to process that sort of challenge. Maybe I'll do better next time, now being a little more aware of my character flaw.

The pain of loss. Part 5 of ∞.

Sometimes the sympathetic offer is enough to break the gate, still... which may last longer than I expect... which is fine. And so the emotional ride continues on, juxtaposed with the life experience as always. Each moment different than the last despite familiar feelings that linger and echo so indefinitely.

The pain of loss. Part 4 of ∞.

There are moments of vulnerability that still come in spurts... they are sometimes unexpected but there are definitely situations I can identify as areas of challenge. It might seem kind of cliché but when I am in the shower considering the situation I am vulnerable. When I read any sentimental comments from family or close friends regarding Mom I am vulnerable. When I pause for a moment to consider Mom's eternal absence I am vulnerable. I am sure some of this is obvious but it seems valuable to identify these sorts of things anyway. I am not too sure how often I will reflect on these entries but taking the time to write things down always improves one's memory of them anyway.

The pain of loss. Part 3 of ∞.

Time might seem like it heals all wounds but I tend to think that is an incorrect way of addressing what might actually be happening. Time increases experience, good, bad and otherwise. It fosters change. It separates us from each life event and leads us to each new one, aware of where we've been and blind to what is next. Perhaps some of the pain we experience in loss is the despair of uncertainty about the life we will lead in that person's absence. We have not yet built a positive notion of what life can be without them, having not yet experienced it, and we fail to see the new, unknowable potential with sufficient hope. My mother is now given to eternity, the story of her life closed to this finite journey's view. Her legacy will continue to evolve as it reaches throughout the lives of her children and friends but her changing influence is now gone. I recognize that she is gone and the pain of her absence is still very real and present. And even though time will change things eventually it has not quite enlightened my experience thus far. And that's okay.

The pain of loss. Part 2 of ∞.

I do not believe one can fully prepare for the intensity of this sort of emotional pain. We were quite blessed to have time to prepare for the certain end as it came... yet, the only certainty that really unfolded was the truth of the actual end. I have lost good friends in various ways, people I have felt a deep bond of love and connection to, and the pain of their loss is something I have worked through on a few occasions over the years. However, and not to compare those situations with any specificity as it would be unfair and unwarranted to do so, those experiences of loss simply can not compare due to the differences of the actual type of loss, something quite unexpected to me. I thought, quite naively, that because death was a common thread between them that they served in some sort of preparatory manner for each similar experience to come in life. Now I know how mistaken I was. This has been a new, more intense, more deep, sharper type of pain. Something to teach me something new. Something I hope to learn from. Something I do not want to last very long... but will endure as much as is necessary with as little complaint as I can muster.

The pain of loss. Part 1 of ∞.

It is already late. I am already tired. But I still feel it is important to start the internal discussion and to share a bit of it now... the pain of loss is fresh enough to take physical form at the moment. It is, of course, a predominantly emotional experience... but the ache in my heart feels much more than an expressed emotion... my physical heart very literally hurts. My mother, the co-creator of my body, has left this mortal plane and with her departure I am wrecked. I am not entirely sure how frequently or for how long I will delve into this subject... but this is where it is right now. And tomorrow will be something new, as the process of healing, experiencing, understanding the powerful and intense event of loss and I might just continue along in this vein again the next time I write.(which I expect will be sooner than my recent consistency would suggest.)

Life will change.

And it will definitely be difficult. The challenges of emotional adjustment will definitely be the most difficult for us all but I expect it to be the most severe with Pops and I am somewhat tentative to speculate about how we will work through it all. It will be painful. Something unknown to any of us to this degree... but we will endure. And we are thankful for the incomparable blessing of Mom's life and her character and everything she is. I will keep my thoughts short for now, as I am not currently caught in the roil of emotional torrent I expect to come after she passes but this helps to break the ice a little and for me, and how I will need to work through the challenges of her loss, I will need this sort of therapy to help carry me through it with any sort of success.

I didn't intend for the canvas to actually be blank, though.

The gaps between the entries have been annoyingly lengthy lately. I'm still not done with this editing chore and am rarely in a reasonably energetic mood to put much more than my hand-written entry into the books at the end of each day. I think we are getting close to wrapping it up, though. Then my brain will find at least an ounce of normalcy and I will resume my daily(ish) routine of this writing/thinking/sharing endeavor.

The blank canvas of the future.

Blank might seem like a bit of an exaggeration but that is how it can feel when I consider what is to come in my life. I know where I'd like to go and much of how I can get there but only in certain aspects do I get a semi-clear feeling of what to expect. It could be simply a byproduct of my recently self-imposed work-related exile as I have been working on finishing my duties for the feature film I have been attached to since the beginning of the year... basically, my future-thinker is a bit weak in its processing power due to overworking myself for so long. Anyway, I am sure lots of good things are hanging out somewhere just waiting for me to snatch them up... so I'll just have to leave it at that for now... somewhere in the vague surety of my blindness. Ha.

Tunnels and lights and whatnot.

The challenges of life can come at you from every angle sometimes. I am not complaining about it as much as recognizing the diversity and complexity of life's challenges that I have generally overlooked. And I think, as change is an ever-present force in life, that even when it can feel forced(as it often does) that life's challenges change us for the better. My challenges lately have started to force a perspective change on me. A recognition of the impermanence of even the most valued and seemingly stable things in life. The importance of planning forward regardless of the unknown and imperceptible and unimaginable... moving forward into the blank canvas of my future. Maybe all of this has a bit of an embittered, bleak or negative vibe to it but that's not the point. My hope is still strong as is my optimism and expectation for great things to come. Life is good. It just becomes a story all on its own and I am fine with each new chapter... even the unexpected ones.

I'm not going away I swear.

And Mom has even stabilized a bit but I haven't quite found the way back into my emotionally even space yet, I suppose. Maybe I have avoided the emotional release of writing a bit? That isn't normally like me but I have to think of it as a possibility. Long, long days of work have certainly been a big factor, as mentioned before, so it might just be that. Anyway... things are seemingly better right now so I'm writing a little bit. I have gotten to get out of the editing cave to do a little shooting so that's pretty cool... and maybe more than that... necessary. Now I will actually get to sleep(exhausted sleep) way earlier than usual. I am definitely looking forward to it.

I haven't disappeared... just climbed into a cave for a while.

And even though I'm climbing back into the cave(long days of editing) I wanted to just say hi and mention that I have not given up on this blog and don't expect I ever will despite the occasional periods of silence due to work. There has been a lot happening in life that definitely deserves some reflection so I expect I will start addressing that relatively soonish. I will be working long days in the cave for likely another week or so but I still might have some energy to crank an update out here and there.

A bit of delirious.

As long days wear long on the mind... I linger closer to the sublime more of the time. The brain gets its work from easier grind. Pecking through the legion of a fisherman's find. Abstaining from all of the orthodoxical kind. No rest, no freedom, no merriment's wind. Leaving marks of a brand unflinchingly signed.

Midnight oil of the modern day... computer screen glow?

And forget midnight. It's way past midnight for most of the night and I guess the burning it would refer to is a long, slow burn for sure. It practically lights up the next day. And it seems to chain all the way through multiple days in a row. Such is the life of media production.

Always looking forward to something.

Especially the end of this intense editing schedule. It's always nice to feel the sense of completion for finishing it all, of course, but reentering the world of the living will be the greatest reward for such a feat. I look forward to non-insomniac life as well. Not too sure what brought it this time but I'll be happy to see it go whether I figure out why it came or not.

Life outside the wall.

Luckily for me it is a very easy wall to escape. The door built into it doesn't even lock anymore so that kinda helps. It has been a self-imposed exile for endless and tedious work that will eventually end... so that's the light I cling to... somewhere outside the wall... sometime in the future... the nearish future.

Long, continuous work days.

They usually aren't so bad. In many ways, they're actually kinda nice. But the days that don't travel... certainly emphasize the feeling of cabin fever. I only went outside a couple times. The lack of nature is a bit oppressive, too. Now I'm tired and only sort of looking forward to another day of the same tomorrow. Ha. At least I get to be productive. That's nice.

Preparing for the challenges of age.

I may have been(and may continue to be) somewhat ignorant to the responsibilities I am likely to incur as my parents wind down on the twilights of their lives. Things may be happening more quickly than I expected... I am not sure there is a specific sort of preparation that could have prepared me for the timing of these transitions. But I do need to be prepared for greater challenges to come... and possibly are already here... and if that is so, now is the time to act. So... in light of this possibility... what will I do?

The battle of the heart.

And when one heart is attacked, all hearts groan in pain together. The resolve is unified but the outcome is uncertain and it is one of the more trying experiences I have ever experienced... would I be too bold to declare it as one of the more trying experiences anyone can go through? Imagine knowing that someone you love is in a very real life or death situation and there is little to nothing you can do to directly influence the outcome in a positive way... it's a hellish, helpless feeling. I am glad to be a couple days past it now, though I am certain I should have addressed this in writing sooner both as a more emotionally truthful, resonant expression and a valuable form of catharsis and a tiny bit of emotional self-healing... perhaps the only element of the whole experience which I had any direct influence over. I do not look forward to a "next" time for this to happen but something like it will eventually rear its viciously ugly head and I will definitely need to take greater measures in adhering to this self-prescribed emotional medicine when the ugly does strike again.

Reuniting with family.

Does that make us a family reunit? And it would almost seem to imply that we were no longer united during the time since we last saw each other, also. Maybe I'm just being overly critical of such commonplace terminology. Ha. So I haven't actually gotten to see the family yet but I am planning to make a trip or two out to see some peeps during the week-long span of the event. I look forward to the mini-breaks from my work as well. All kinds of family fun!

Grinding the hours away.

Sometimes VFX work can be exceptionally boring and tedious... oh, wait... that might be all times. Ha. It is the art of creating magic, whether by correctional need or fantastical embellishment, and while the outcome is definitely rewarding when it is done correctly the means to achieving said outcome is a mixed bag of mostly undesirable, repetitive, difficult tasks with the rare occurrence of "cool" or "exciting" functions or processes. Work is work no matter the form but maybe it just has a slightly different feeling when it is the actual process that is almost technically demystifying the magic continuously. Luckily for me, the end result isn't usually far from my emotional focus. But that only makes it slightly less of a challenging process. Slightly.

The challenging quandary of direction and purpose.

It feels a little odd to be at this age, a little unsure what my next best steps should be, feeling like there is a great deal of potential and opportunity to take a hold of and not really sensing the clearest path to take. I have been so invested and focused on my work over the last few or so years that I had taken a much more myopic perspective of anything outside of the cocoon of said work. I definitely felt like I had found my place and also had an accompanying feeling that it would essentially carry me long into the future in a somewhat consistent form despite the underlying core being a somewhat irregular, fickle thing to begin with. Therein dwelt the seeds of my new perspective and the need for new direction... the challenge I now contemplate. So much to consider. So much to carve away. So much to dream about.

Checkin' in along the way.

It has been as busy as expected but I probably could have been a bit more productive on the blogging anyway. I haven't been as exhausted as expected and even though my brain is usually pretty zapped I would say it is still better to write something than to do nothing. If anything, the practice of writing while brain-zapped would be good exercise... even if it isn't particularly creative. There's definitely something to be said for the importance of consistency in general, as well. Consistency is rarely recognized audibly as the important virtue that it is even though inaudibly(or by actual actionable praise) it does seem to be quite appreciated. Anyway... it's a good thing. People need to try harder to improve that aspect of their characters, in my opinion. And now that I am recognizing my rambling nature I will bid a farewell before heading off to bed/floor.

A better understanding of change.

This is something that really only comes with experience and time. The longer you live the more you see change and as long as you have any sort of memory you will being to really recognize how different things can become. I have had it emphasized recently as I have hung out with people I have known since my early teenage years. People, places, passions... they can all seem disconnected they have changed so much. Luckily there always remains some threads of continuity and consistency. We all, despite how different we are now, have a core that truly doesn't change... even if only as it connects us from our past to our present.

The next month or so will be a mess.

Due to my intense schedule of post-production duties I will basically be out of the loop almost entirely until the middle of August. I will try to drop in here to add my remarks as often as my energy level can keep up but really have no idea what sort of frequency to expect. This sort of thing happened when I was in production earlier this year but that was definitely much more physically demanding than what I am delving into now... so I guess I'll know how it goes after it happens a month from now. Hindsight's excellent vision is something to behold! Ha.

Climbing into the cave.

I am bringing my computer setup back to the house for the time being and it gives me a bit of a trepidatious feeling to think about my quality of life when my setup is here at home. I wouldn't think that it is an inherently bad thing, generally speaking but I do recognize that I have a ton of work to do over the next month and doing it all within the confines of my dark, small bedroom is not a very appealing prospect, to say the least. There is much to do and not a lot of time to do it. I suppose I could look forward to the challenge of making the experience better than I initially expect it to go. I guess that time will only tell with this one.

Creating a mark.

I have been thinking about the lasting effects of art, lately, and how art is something that is eternal in nature. Once it has been created, in its original form, it will exist forever. Whatever it expresses by its creator, the very nature of its human emotional construction, also will exist forever. It may be interpreted differently be each person who views it, varying through time, circumstance, and personal relevance. The level of its connection will always vary broadly, as well. All in all... I think I have much to learn about art. It is a never ending well of experiential understanding.

The generosity of a corporation.

It is an odd, generally unknown event the way my experience has been. But when it happens it happens and I am always grateful for it. I have a good deal of negative experiences to draw on for context and emphasis. Thanks, GoPro, for being a buddy!

International Independence.

An interesting concept. I don't really understand it but I am grateful for what our country has become... maybe because of it. I have basically waltzed through life thinking I know what it is but how could I? I certainly don't know what it is not. I have guessed, assumed I understand... I have been wrong. But that's okay. I can't be expected to know that which I can not know. I trust it well enough and that's fine. No need for perfection. Assumption isn't nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. So... what is international independence to me? I'll assume it has afforded me that which I call freedom... that which I live by until otherwise informed.

Helping the car be happy.

I've known it needed repair for quite some time but now that it's fixed I really know it needed it. It sounds and drives noticeably better to a very large degree, I'd say. Not quite to the level of saying it feels like a new car but not too far off of that sentiment either. Sure, there's still one thing it would be good to get taken care of but I'm not too stressed about it at the moment. It's just nice to be on top of things with my car. Always a good feeling.

Digging in on the edit.

I'm really more of a shooter than an editor but it does feel good to get a clean little edit under the belt once in a while. I'm only through one of the rough cuts, with a couple more to crank out tomorrow, but it seems like it'll be a reasonably smooth project if I just pay attention to what I'm doing. And I can even make a little money along the way. Fun money!

Bumble bees ain't got nuthin' on me.

'Cause I've been so busy I can hardly remember what I've been doing. Ha. Now I need to be sleeping so I can possibly remember what the heck is going on. Whoop whoop!

Meeting and working with more new people.

After tomorrow's shoot I will have worked with a higher variety of different shoots and crews than I ever have before within the span of a week or so. A ballet shoot, followed a couple days later by a fantasy trailer shoot, followed by a mystery/thriller trailer shoot, followed by a social media spot shoot, followed by a Boeing webcast shoot. What an exciting mess?! Now, I am needing a pillow under my head more than a lengthier, more comprehensive journal entry.

Sleep, my long lost friend.

I have rarely had a time in life where sleep was not easily achievable. I say rarely because I have had one or two semi-prolonged(up to a couple or so months) episodes of minor insomnia in total and am generally so sleep deprived I can basically take a nap anywhere at just about anytime in just about any position. It's a fun form of adaptability. Now... I am so wiped out that it is more of a fun form of necessity.

Bullies come in any shape and size... and from anywhere.

Including our own self-critical internal monologue(occasional dialogue?) It is a facet of life that might simply be a product of its own nature. A bully might only exist because non-bully targets also exist. There would be a natural hierarchy of coexistence defined by the scale from submissiveness to dominance. We all fall somewhere in that spectrum and even change somewhat fluidly as the situations, emotional states, environments(social and otherwise) create or deny the space for such to exist within us. I know myself to be very stubborn, even combative about some things, but I am also as easy to push over as an inverted pyramid when I or the people I love are vacant of threat or ominous danger. I feel that I have been pushed into my stubborn mode of operation lately and I hope I am able to navigate through it without incident or malicious intent, despite my protective response thus far. I wonder how long this situation will drag on.

Such a strange turn of events.

It has basically consumed my focus almost completely since this turmoil began. I don't like being manipulated and lied to. Especially when it is so unnecessary. I have nothing but positive desire to improve the situation yet some sort of fear or paranoia has infected someone I trusted and now this person has become erratic, negative, emotional and illogical. I have no desire to control this person(or anyone else for that matter) but I do wish to mitigate the damage this person can cause. I assume I am emotionally compromised due to this person's betrayal as well so I do need to be careful with my method of diffusion. Chaos is never an easy thing to quell.

The pains of separation.

I am definitely not a fan of breaking something I helped to build but there are occasions when it actually does need to happen. It isn't like writing a story where you know it will have a specific end that you are always writing to... it's more like a car you've built that has started going down the road and will, at any moment's notice, break down or fail due to the inevitability of entropy since you can't do anything to repair or maintain it while it is in the act of being driven. Probably a lengthy, somewhat clunky, metaphor but whatever... it gets the point across... I hope. Anyway, I am not a fan of jumping off a moving vehicle when it is still gaining speed. It generally means I will be missing the funnest part(the top speed portion of the journey) but when it needs to be done it needs to be done. I am nothing if not a slave to my ethical compass.

How does one learn to tell a good story?

By practicing telling stories... in hopefully good fashion. And, as with anything, there will be plenty of missteps along the way, ripe to be plucked for their gifts of wisdom and experience. And there are numerous ways to tell stories so there are numerous ways to crash through all this experience. The pain can be boring, seemingly useless, or just plain annoying... but always instructive, really... the white rats don't lie. So... in conclusion? One learns to tell a good story by experiencing a good deal of pain.

Deep thoughts would be more pleasant if they were comedic thoughts as well.

But maybe I generally don't give myself too much of a chance when I sort of rush through it every day. I know I can come up with humorous things on a fairly regular basis but doing it in writing, at the same time, almost every day of the week seems to be a bit of a daunting task. It seems like a great way to flex that muscle, though, and I have certainly felt the motivation to make the attempt on several occasions in the past. Just typing a bunch of variously valuable thoughts every day has its own merit. But doing it with the lubrication of comedic delivery... now that's the stuff of dreams... clown dreams.

I love the arts.

Even the arts I am not very familiar with... like dance/ballet. I got to shoot some ballet today and found it to be extremely entertaining. I didn't really understand what the dancing was supposed to say, like what it was intending to communicate as an art, but it still had emotional resonance with me. I enjoyed the set lighting a lot! Super cool stuff. I look forward to filming it again someday!

That's a wrap on this pilot.

Well, technically they are shooting interviews without me today but that's a wrap for me. It was a very fun, very challenging at times, reasonably lengthy learning experience that I will never forget. The cast and crew were all kinds of awesome, too. It will still be a couple months or so before the fruits of our labor materialize into something concrete but I think it will be well worth the wait!

The drama of reality.

Creating an incredible story takes the stress of an incredible tension, in one way or another. Opposition, whether internally or externally experienced, pushes achievement and increases potential. It's a messy but necessary element, much like the pressure necessary to form a diamond. The story gains the strength of trial experienced, resisting all doubts to its greatness otherwise. Bravo!

Allergy complaining session #189,302.

Okay... maybe that seems like a high figure... but maybe it's true? I don't know. If you count all the mental complaints I file in any given day during allergy season it probably really starts to add up quickly. Anyway... this complaint will simply be that I probably complain about this stuff too much. It's just a little runny nose, itchy semi-watery eyes, and somewhat affected sleep patterns. No big deal. I don't have any major diseases(that I know of) so I should be more grateful for the lack of truly negative situations in my life. Ha.

Hard work, not hardly workin'.

A long, physical day of work definitely puts me to sleep better than just about anything else. Sure, I only got a few hours of sleep last night and I didn't really get to take a nap today but I am wiped out big time... and now I will dream thoroughly and vigorously.

The incredible variety of people.

It kind of seems like it would go without saying but, whether as a personal reminder or a genuine nugget of relatable truth, I feel inclined to emphasize the notion that there really are an enormous variety of people that exist in the world. It becomes really easy to think we have met most types of people for a variety of reasons - we don't make many major location moves, we have met so many people in our life, the internet's pseudo exposure to others, pop culture awareness, and the list goes on. I know I have often fallen victim to this sort of thinking as I continue my search for a quality relationship, making assumptions that seem safe about the character of these almost entirely unknown women merely based on a very thin slice of information presented in profile format. I know I can't possibly have a remotely clear idea about the depth of a person's character based on this, and I generally don't throw any assumptions that far into that hat because of it, however, I am definitely needing to better realize how little I(or anybody, really) even could know about anybody based on just about anything gleaned from so meagerly represented. Assumption has kept me safe from the pain of confusion and loss but it has, no doubt, also kept me from the grander possibilities of the more positive aspects of a quality relationship. Oh, how child-like in my knowledge do I feel as I better realize these concepts.

Prepping for this year's golf tournament.

We have much less stress about it this year since we are not doing a livestream but there is still an immense amount of preparation going into the setup. Luckily, we have a good financial base on which to operate and we don't feel overly rushed or underprepared on any particular point. It's nice just having done it last year to have a precedent for this time's fun. Plus, even though we have only three returning crew members from last year, our new crew will do quite nicely and it should be a fun day for sure. Huzzah!

Gettin' all worked up.

But in the good way that doesn't have anything to do with becoming angry... rather, turning the phrase a different way, I would call it the dream of any freelancer - getting gigs with regularity(not nearly as catchy or fluid a phrase.) So, even though we have a lot of work to do with my business much of it doesn't pay particularly well and I'd like to start saving money. I'm now deciding to do as much freelance work as I can until the time comes that our business can support me/us reasonably well. Luckily these two things don't really conflict in any particular way other than the scheduling challenges that could occur. It will be well worth the effort!

More big shoots quickly coming up.

But we have plenty of time to put a quality product together. We have a good crew, a good venue, a solid precedent, rad talent and should have good fun when the event comes again next week. Still lots of preparation to do, of course, but most of the week is quite clear for that. Just a few decisions to be made tomorrow morning and we're off to the races. Yeee hahhh!

Time is certainly difficult to really pin down.

Each day passes in a blink when the schedule is full. Especially when so much more could be filling it, whether productive or not, to the insatiable curiosity of the racing mind. It makes me think of meditation and self-discipline. Can we gain control of our time through something use of meditation? It seems counterintuitive for sure... spending time doing something to potentially better manage one's time. There could be a solution somewhere in the pursuit of better time efficiency... but I don't know where to find it, outside of actually utilizing a schedule properly. Maybe it's really just that simple. Maybe.

Dream Log: Assisted Flying is Still Fun Flying

As far as I can remember I have never had a true flying dream in my entire life. It sounds like such a fun possibility, and I hope to one day have one, but my assisted flying dreams are still pretty cool and fun in their own way. And, on top of that, this dream had three different variations of the same type of flying. It was some sort of single person helicopter/drone type thing that was big enough for me to ride it from underneath it while standing on the bottom of a ladder type platform that extended below it.(something I've never actually seen in waking life that I guess my mind invented for the dream.) I flew each of them around in a sort of utilitarian way, as if it somehow served a purpose to the people I was working with in the dream, but I don't exactly remember what that purpose was. I remember seeing my old friend Allison, as well as a girl I used to go to school with named Jackie that was teaching an elementary school class in the dream, and talking money(something to do with taxes?) with one of the sound guys I work with named Chad and the producer Curnal but I don't remember anybody else specifically and I don't really know what we were doing. I remember the geography of the dream was somehow important to my group. I don't remember our purpose really at all, unfortunately. I remember a very positive feeling from the whole thing, though, which may more may not be connected to my meager flying stuff. A fun dream, to say the least. So even though I don't remember any specific storylines involved with it I'm glad I took the time to write it down this time. I haven't recorded anything about any of my dreams in quite a while.

The subjectivity of art and criticism.

This could be a topic I ramble about for days and days. Art alone is it's own topic easily expanded to entire areas of thought and study... add in the exploration of criticism and you've expanded the range exponentially. All I will say on the topic now is that it is an easy topic to ramble on about. I got into a conversation about this stuff earlier today and basically threw away(not in a negative way, mind you) a couple hours without even realizing it. So be careful with your timing next time you entertain the idea of jumping off the art and criticism cliff of a conversation... you might be falling for a while longer than expected.

What does the shape of YOUR week look like?

I am referring to the ambiguous, entirely mentally constructed shape that may have been created by you to represent what a week's shape looks like in your mind. For me, Monday's are in the bottom semi-right corner... sort of where 5 o'clock is on a clock. From there, Tuesday through Thursday roll counter-clockwise up until roughly the noon position or so. Friday kind of rolls over to about 10:45 followed by Saturday(the largest of the days), which rolls down to about 7:15 or so. This leaves only Sunday to complete the rotation back to the beginning of Monday. For me, these are all somewhat loose estimations as the mental construct I am detailing is both a bit foggy in my perception and somewhat fluid in its construction in the first place. I think the days themselves tend to be somewhat larger the closer I am to them in time. I am not sure how much they change in size, what causes them to shrink or expand(other than proximity) and what colors might be associated with them, if any. This has all been a fairly deep part of my recollection, however, as I think I have seen it this way for as long as I can remember understanding the format of the week. I think I've even drawn it out before as I have had a couple conversations about it over the years. It definitely doesn't translate as well to paper as I would like but such is the medium of art in the first place. Anyway... I find the concept of a week's shape interesting... and hopefully my description of my own representation is at least a little entertaining or useful.

Challenges among friends.

It isn't an easy thing to face the people you like who at the same time directly oppose you in one way or another. Maybe it is one of the greatest challenges, really. How do you decide the correct path through the opposition? My personal example is something only I can speculate internally on but I have to say it is something I am quite unfamiliar with and do not enjoy. I don't believe it is necessarily something inherently bad to deal with, even... just another one of life's challenges... a challenge of a type with a particularly distasteful feeling.

Five months into the yeard.

It's a gnarly, unruly crop just shooting out of my chin in just about every direction. A curly mop of salt and pepper constituting the bulk of my body's follicular population. It hides a portion of my face, warms that same space by the same token, and changes the world's perception of me as a whole... a multi-talented little mess, I suppose. It's a small dose of fun simply reacting to reactions that it generates on occasion. One month away from the half-way point. So far, so good.

The holiday weekend warrior.

I worked all weekend like a fiend without a friend. It was a fun/challenging shoot for 66.6% of the time with a semi-relaxing trip into the office for the last 1/3rd of the time. The weather was awesome, the scenery was reasonably epic and the productivity was solid. Now, after everybody has returned from holiday, the week kicks off fresh with possibility and a good dose of humorosity, I expect. We are the makers of our futures... the crafters of our potentials... the shapers of what's to come in time.

It is great to get ahead of things.

Which might be one of the main reasons for planning. It is also nice to have a variety of safety nets for the predictably unpredictable ways of life. It kind of makes me wonder if the only way to truly prepare for every situation is by becoming the kind of person that always prepares yet always adapts to the unexpected anyway. It seems to have little with trying to control the situation and more to do with controlling one's self... which is probably about the oldest news any monk can think of. Old news isn't necessarily bad news, it seems.

The unfillable void.

It is generally a tragic thing when a person leaves this life unexpectedly. The people of deeper influence tend to leave a crater in their wake, however, something bigger than the sum of their life's parts, in a way. They have woven themselves into the fabric of their communities, stretching the threads of their character and gifts into the greater tapestries influenced by them... each thread an accent among the art they inhabit. An accent color, unique and irreplaceable, wholly indefinable without the context of the person from which they sprung. It is sad to see them go but it is grand to see everyone else rise up as best they can to lend each his or her own fibers and context. Never a complete patch but something beautiful and characteristic in its own way. A loose but valid attempt at closure of any kind.

Wandering back into the color.

I enjoy color grading quite a bit but don't make many opportunities to do it lately. I have a big crop of it ahead of me though and I think after my brief reentry into the fray today I will have quite a time of it soon. It should be a grand old time for sure.

Full on binging.

Maybe getting a Netflix subscription was actually a good thing for me just because it actually inspires me to take a day off. Not the expected effect but not necessarily a bad one... yet. Ha. It's good to dig into my career research, anyway.

Working hard and loving it.

The physical duress of my job can not be understated at times. Sure, it might seem like a fairly basic activity. And, at it's core, the complexity and challenge of it isn't something you'd compare to the exertion a more strenuous career might undertake on a more regular basis - farmer, professional athlete, coal miner, construction worker, etc. The challenge of my work today, I tend to think, could have been put somewhere near that category, however, as I reflect upon the moments of near physical exhaustion I endured at several points during our shoot today. I didn't reach the point of collapse, and the shaking and muscular pain might have only hit a six or a seven on the pain scale, but combine the heat, the strain, the endurance, and the critical mental fatigue and I am inclined to feel quite happy for having gotten through it as well as I did. I would do it again(as I am pretty much always up for a good challenge) but I honestly know I would have to better prepare myself beforehand if I want to expect a better result than what I got today. Actual physical training would be required to improve. How cool is that?! I love my work.

Which television show has been my favorite one to work on?

It's an easy question to answer since I have more experience with one show than any other. But it still leaves me to ponder what might lay in store. I do thoroughly enjoy my work and it shouldn't surprise me that every other show has been nearly my favorite. It's a product of the experience more than the fruits of the labor, I suppose... but still... the fruits do have important meaning. It give me something to think about.

Digging back into the dating apps.

I forgot how annoying it was to be constantly looking for the next potential relationship. I've only been doing it for a day or so and it's already starting to feel like a mentally exhausting waste of time. Note, I said feel because I know it isn't meaningless energy expense but if there is any one thing that I do(or have done) in my life that basically feels like spinning wheels without moving... it's online dating... or maybe just dating in general. Anyway... I can't complain... I just gotta keep at it. Someday I will come across somebody that will finally end the insanity. Ha.

Slowing down to pace.

Or finding a decent pace? I've been working more than I probably should have been for the last several months(half year... longer, even?) and it is definitely not ideal for my desire to be a regular guy. What is a regular guy, you ask? Somebody who gets to enjoy time with family and friends while still getting the important work done. I know the balance is different for everyone but I'd like to swing it back toward the family/friends side of life whenever possible. And I'd especially enjoy finding a woman to share it with. Patience has served me well in so many ways so far but I am not too thrilled about making my life alone, generally speaking. I guess I'll be that much happier about finding the right person when she does come along... and maybe she cooks pies or sings me a song or makes me laugh or something... that'd be pretty awesome. Ha.

The effects of powerful character.

I learned tonight of the loss of a father suffered by one of my dearest friends. I had only met him about 5 or 6 years ago, and spent a relatively brief amount of time with him in any capacity since. And because of his relationship as the father of someone I respect deeply, I am naturally inclined to respect and appreciate him... I would say, however, that because of his incredibly authentic, clear character that I truly feel the loss of this man as someone who influenced me in a real, impactful way. He was one of those people that you meet that makes you hope you can somehow acquire some of the traits he possessed. The focus, the deliberate intention to do good... coupled with the humility to be self-aware... it was a special combination, uniquely his own, emphasized through the reflection it has cast in the lives of his family. He will be missed despite his incredible influence living on in the form of all those whose life he touched.

Rest in peace, good sir.

In memoriam - Jim Harston

Always more to learn.

I think I grew up with a strangely erroneous concept in my head that the advancement of technology wouldn't really get too impressive or unusual or far outside of what I can already imagine. It was a strange, self-imposed comfort level with what I had already experienced and what I expected I could experience based on... contemporary sci-fi? Sure, we had imagined up many things, logically deduced from current technology, that have come to be in the years since... we TOTALLY missed all kinds of things, however, as the collective imagination of humanity FAR transcends the meager mental dabblings of any one person, no matter how bright or imaginative. In short, I am impressed by all that we have discovered but am always interested to learn about what we, as yet, have not. Life is just fun that way sometimes!

A little bit of slowdown.

Today was quite a relaxed pace compared to what I have been working through lately... and it was nice. I still worked about 9 hours, which feels like a short day, but it was at a much more manageable pace for sure. Getting things done. Preparing for the next ones. The rise and fall of optimism... a very natural aspect of life. The weather was beautiful. I consider myself a lucky fellow in so many ways.

Work's long weekend.

Over the weekend, we shot the first story of a pilot we are working on with a show runner from L.A. that we have never worked with before. He was great to work with, and we had a lot of fun working together with him as our team leader, but we definitely burned the long hours a bit longer than usual. Now I can get back to the regular(already lengthy) working lifestyle I usually enjoy. Ha.

The excellent blend of comedy and drama.

This isn't a review of the movie Guardians of the Galaxy as much as it is a comment about my enjoyment of a well-balanced mix of high-quality comedy with potent dramatic fare. Marvel comics movies has, in recent years, done a very good job of striking this balance with fairly solid consistency. And it is a fine line to balance around/on... a fine line that takes incredible patience, practice and skill to achieve... yet... Guardians has done it... and I have enjoyed it... and now(possibly for being quite tired already) I have basically stated the same thing in several different ways... just for practice, I guess. Ha.

The day before a shoot.

Is always so loaded with preparation it sometimes feels like the night before midterms are due. Just packing and organizing and laboring over all the little details of what is needed for the shoot... it can be kind of exhausting in its own way. I think it'll be another fun one, though, and I look forward to seeing the result!

Joining a great team.

Every shoot is a different collection of minds and hearts aligned to the service of one goal... make something great! The trials along the way will be many, a plethora of undiscovered road blocks and patience-testing compromises, but the team always perseveres, a collective heart of iron and fire. We formed a new team today and I am excited to experience all of this with them, once again, even if only for a few short weeks or so.

Working hard... physically.

And I imagine I'll feel it pretty good for another day or so. I really enjoy the blend of athleticism and art and I hope I am called upon more for just this kind of thing. And I am so lucky to love what I do as much as I do!

Doing good work for the people with money.

It is not the most common thing but it is something I am glad to have found recently. I think I am making a good impression and I hope they have lots more work for me in the future.

Really digging into the work.

Today was a long day with some good variety. I got to do the regular scene shooting with the crew as well as some b-roll but I also got to do some photography which is always one of the crafts I miss doing. It was extra cool to do the interior architectural photography which is something I haven't done much of in the past. The long hours are nice and the crew is awesome and after the coming week I might actually get to take a break!

The unpredictability of clouds.

I spent a lot of my day shooting time lapses of the sky today. It has been something that is generally one of my main dictates as a shooter and even more so as a b-roll shooter. Today was an incredible mixture of clouds as they formed and vanished, whirling all around in every random direction against a contrasty, blue sky almost all day long. It was tons of fun to see!

Tired eyes...

Make for tired entries... I suppose it would be better of me to ensure higher quality than simply reaching for the lax consistency... but here it is. I hope it helps anybody beyond myself.

The vocal stamp of approval.

I have been working hard on this current project and I have been fairly confident I have been doing the best I can do. It is always nice to hear confirmation from your superiors that you are succeeding at your job and it is even nicer to hear that the quality you are rendering is very high. It's a bit of a challenge to shoot footage and just hand it off without reviewing almost any of it. It's a bit of a mystery box that is basically impenetrable outside of the feedback from those who are using it. But the faith to go through all of that can be rewarded by these stamps of approval and praise, indicating a quality product by my efforts. It is yet another reason I love my work. I love doing a job well.

There will always be fires.

It is a natural part of life's landscape. It is the nature of refinement - it requires heat to reconstruct temperament. Just breaking down the word temperament in a very rudimentary way shows its connection to heat - temp... temperature. Fire shapes everything it touches; every conversation, every relationship, every form of artistic expression, every physical element. And what becomes of this experience for each thing often, though not always, breaks into two different branches of results - destruction or strengthening. We can look at every experience in life through this paradigm, if we feel so inclined, to learn through the reflection of it which direction our experience fell or how it may have gone through both branches simultaneously. The self-assessed review of these things is not a habit I undertake nearly enough. Maybe this is a reminder to myself that I need to pay better attention to the fires, as well as the effects of it, with much more regularity.

Teamwork and communication.

A team can ONLY function as a team because of communication. The better the communication, the better the teamwork, the better the team. We have been winding down to the homestretch of this shoot with a variety of challenges. And while we have not met every one of them with full efficiency we definitely have improved the attack over the last few days and it looks quite possible we will actually pull this all off nearly as planned. Go team!

The littlest details.

As we draw to the close of this production timeline, as the deadline looms and the motivation intensifies, each challenge large and small seems to loom with similar magnitude as any one thing feels almost as destructive to the cause and the infamous Achilles' heel. So, as any artist might attest, we labor over every little detail, each polished facet with emboldened fervor akin to the surgeon's master of accuracy, subtlety and precision... even if it's only in our minds... impassioned by our hearts.

The long but sunny days.

I don't always appreciate working for 14 hours in a day... but when I do, it's certainly influenced by rad weather and basically working outside the entire time enabling me to enjoy it. Today was a fun one because I got to film some activities I had only watched a little of before so that makes it fun, too. Sure... I didn't really get much personal time today, so this isn't the kind of thing one hopes for when striving to achieve a more balanced life, but there's definitely worse things to experience than a solid, extra lengthy day of work.

The double-booking challenges.

I rarely, if ever before, have one job get interrupted by another job. And at such a late time in the game... it's a very difficult challenge to find a good replacement on almost no notice. I feel like I need to literally split myself into two people sometimes. Ha.

Getting to the last few days of craziness.

We only have a few days before our production deadline and the work is definitely getting into the not-enough-hours-in-the-day territory at this point. It seems like there is still quite a bit to finish before we are ready but I suppose anything is possible. I do know how a project can often look like little has progressed until key events happen, when it suddenly changes the whole perspective into something much more completed. I don't know that my metaphor from other experiences fully applies to this but it seems like it could be accurate... and in four quick days we will know for sure!

Expect the expected.

Wait! That was unexpected! But I suppose the logic would be that the expected already is the unexpected so maybe that counts? It's a very confusing premise. I guess that happens from time to time. Ha. Anyway... I was pleasantly surprised by my interactions with somebody new today. It felt like there might be an actual spark there already. That in itself is quite unexpected but I don't want to overthink it like I normally do. Lets just go with it and keep moving forward. It might unexpectedly turn into something great after all!

Always so much on the plate.

Sure, I am generally trying to juggle too much with everything I do at work. Now that I am trying to add in an element of personal life, I think I will definitely have to learn how to scale work down even more... which might be a good thing for work anyway. I have heard that working more efficiently becomes easier with a more well-rested mind... a more well-rounded schedule. I often do not feel that all the extra work I do is really like doing extra work since I do truly enjoy most of what I do quite thoroughly... but I still imagine it to be a good idea to try out, if anything. Experts gotta be right ever once in a while, eh?

Can't make everyone happy.

It is literally impossible, I have to say. And despite my general success at making friends with pretty much everyone I meet, miscommunication, misunderstanding, and misrepresentation will sneak into the mix from time to time and basically screw everything up. I should probably be more accustomed to this but I really haven't experienced it much until recently. And never as directly and even antagonistically as I have in the past week or so. It's a little weird but nothing I can blame anything specific on. People just don't always click. All the more reason I will appreciate the one's that do click with me!

There is always something to learn.

I look at the setup of what we have to shoot over the next couple weeks and I think there will be quite a few opportunities to learn how to improve my craft. We have a semi-challenging and very diverse environment to dive into and a very strict timeline in which to do it. The challenges will stretch us all.

Long but fun days!

Sure... the Boeing shift wasn't what I'd call fun work but the people I worked with certainly fell into that category. Then, just because I thought it was actually the best choice, I got to steadicam a live event at the VMAC for the Renton teachers event. All kinds of fun and a great work out on top of that! Now I will sleep like a baby... a baby that pumped iron all day long.

Productivity is pretty rad.

I am quite enthusiastic about seeing progress in just about any area. The team is moving at a good pace, we are communicating well, we have a few cool gigs on the horizon. It's a solid thing. Being a part of the machine sometimes feels like a pretty awesome thing.

Hope is a powerful ally.

But, when utilized in the wrong way, it can become an incredible stumbling block. An emotion held captive by those who would prey upon it's bearers. I have witnessed this countless times in the lives of many friends and family close to me... but now, through an immense lapse of reason and subtle access to my own hope, I have fallen victim to hope's true weakness... trust. I prefer to trust people. I would rather trust and believe and give without expectation of failure, malevolence, or thievery. Life is just better that way. I suppose learning a lesson like this will ultimately make life better but the hard pill is still the hard pill... and I tend to digest these things slowly anyway.

Small enough to pack into 4 or 5 pelicans.

It was quite a day of preparation getting ready for tomorrow's event. Even though it's quite a bit less extensive than our last convention I still found it somewhat challenging to really put the equipment list together. The challenge of simplifying is as real in production work as it is in preparing a speech or writing creatively. Shed the unnecessary while efficiently keeping the most usefully functional as possible(my apologies for the clunky, unnecessarily verbose sentence which poorly demonstrates the point made by it.)

Acting in the background.

Is it a metaphorical reflection of a deep-rooted desire of mine? Ha. I have always thought I'd enjoy acting. I've gotten to do a very small bit of it from time to time where, in each instance, it has been proven to me that I would enjoy it. Now, even functioning as a background extra, I have enjoyed it enough to think... I'd like to take a bigger stab at this thing some time... a thought I have obviously felt deeply enough for it to claim an entire entry of my blog. So... what am I gonna do about it? Hmmm... I'm not sure... but I will do something... at some point.

Playing all the way into ultra-pain.

I jammed my toenail pretty good a couple days ago playing basketball but I guess I wanted to play even more than I wanted the pain to go away. Ha. I still had fun despite my body's protestations, which I am sure will continue on for the next couple or so days at least. Perhaps I truly believe that pain reminds us what it is to be truly alive?

Encouragement from the top.

We met with the new president of our parent company today and he was quite enthusiastic about our involvement with them as well as our current progress. We were able to review most of our current projects and really get on the same page about our progress, current focus and future goals. He is a forward thinking fellow with a great grasp on the current challenges of contemporary media. I look forward to seeing where this all goes for both the parent company as well as us!

I truly love playing basketball.

There is a certain amount of pain that is inflicted upon my body virtually every single time I play... yet... despite knowing it will come with assured consistency, I look forward to playing every single time I do it. I generally only play a couple times a week but I definitely wish I could play more. Life balance might be an enemy of that desire but maybe my body appreciates the infrequency anyway. Ha.

Ideas and aspirations.

We have a bunch of stuff on the horizon... which is kind of how it has felt almost perpetually for the last year or so... but I really do think we will finally start to reap a bit of what we have sowed somewhat soonish. And most of it is fairly fun stuff so that helps, too. Anyway... it's nice to get to bed at a decent time tonight! I'm bushed!

Back to the real life.

Holy shmoly, it has been a busy month! If there are any people who regularly read this blog before that have eventually made it back, I am definitely impressed. It's the longest break I have taken since I started writing for sure. The feature is essentially finished and now I have my computer back... thus, I will resume my regularly scheduled writing patterns with all the vigor and vim I usually attempted. Anyway... it's nice to be back. I look forward to unloading my brain with more regularity again.

A 15 followed by a 14.

Two long days, two short nights. I really look forward to a little sleep late tomorrow morning. Really. Then the weekend will disappear into another long shoot followed by 25 straight days(with a couple or so 1-day breaks sprinkled in) of shooting madness/happiness. FUN!

Prep week in full swing.

And the prep is immense and somewhat behind the ball, I have to admit. We still have a few days to get things all straightened out but we could have definitely done most of this DAYS/WEEKS ago. Luckily, it looks like the crew is in good spirits. I am excited to see where this all goes!

Back in a bit of action.

I now have my computer back, after a five or so day stint on loan, and I can resume my variously rambling ways. I don't have much to say tonight... not that I don't have much going on in my mind... I just don't have much energy to speak. But I will resume again later... in due time... whatever that means. Ha.

Random breaks.

I currently am loaning out my laptop for the week so I don't have a computer with me at home(currently writing this from work.) I just wanted to throw an update in here before I left today. Things are moving along in all kinds of areas of the business. Hopefully it all turns into a big explosion of business insanity... you know... to even out all my regular insanity. Ha.

Perfection or diminishing returns.

This might be the main challenge of any artist as they consider whether or not to call a work of art complete. Certainly, as one pours more and more time into anything it should, as the focus matches the chronological advance, become a better and better piece of work... however... this always comes at a sacrifice. The sacrifice is the time/focus that could be spent more rapidly advancing some other project since the speed of discernible improvement increasingly slows drawing toward the pinnacle of the original project's completion. Put another way... work harder to perfect something that less and less people can see the improvements or call it good, knowing it could still be made better, in order to pursue better overall timing and life efficiency in other ways. It is a challenge for both the perfectionists and the schedulers/planners among us.

The long days do seem quite long.

And there's not much normal life stuff occurring lately, it seems. I think I probably should take a break at some point but I just don't see it coming for a while. I don't feel like I want it much, either, but wants and needs are not often the same thing.

Down to the last couple weeks of preparation.

And the insanity level is starting to go up. Sure, it's actually pretty low right now but by next weekend it should be in full swing and we should all be rip-roarin' to blaze on down the ol' production trail full-tilt!

Momentum builds.

It is a very slow but steady process right now. I think this means it is a good thing and that it should last for a while... hopefully forever, I suppose. I have lingered somewhere below the poverty line for basically my entire life and even though I am still basically in the same position I definitely see something different not too far ahead of me. It's nice to be optimistic once in a while. Especially to feel like I have a large bearing or influence on the potential successes I expect to reach.

Everyone is the same.

Sure, we all have totally unique lives, experiences, preferences, tendencies, skills, influences and so on... we ALL have a core, though, and at that core we all function based on the same needs. The core ensures that, broadly, the human experience is essentially the same. No matter where we fall in the spectrum of diversity in other ways, we all still meet our core needs in largely the same ways. We are social creatures, whether through familial bonds, friendship, work relationships or otherwise. We simply get to share our unique perspectives of the same human experience with each other through everything we do.

Break from script-writing.

I did a solid 35 days or so in a row but I have been somewhat flippant with my sleep scheduling lately so I think I have to put the writing on hold until I am better organized and self-disciplined with my time management. It's okay, though... I still have ideas stewing around in my head just waiting to emerge at some point in the future.

Adjoining the goals of multiple parties.

We'd all like to jump on a boat going to the same place but it just doesn't seem to be as common as we'd like when it comes to business. Well... that's probably a totally false statement... retail is doing a fine job of connecting products and consumers in the same, tiny little boat... HOWEVER, my statement is more aimed at the seemingly low frequency of various parties and the work they do lining up in the same directional angle with each other. It seems we have found this sort of thing right now and I am quite excited to see where it all heads from here!

The privilege of production work.

Well... there is way more than one privilege. But the one I'll mention now is the family-like bond that forms as we all work in the trenches. It can express itself in just about every way a family would, both in the good and bad forms, but definitely gains a similar potential for connection and friendship that is often shared in a familial unit. As a loner, self-exiled into his own work, I am definitely glad for the opportunity to reach out and back into this sort of dynamic. I am not built to be a loner, as one of the truly extroverted, and thoroughly thrive in the social settings I will find over the next couple months. It will be a much needed break despite it being quite the opposite of a break in most other aspects.

Brainstorming bazooka.

When you combine a bunch of creative people into a small office and decide to think about how to make money you tend to get a plethoric blast of ideas to choose from and I would definitely call it a fun sort of experience, to say the least. It's just another one of the bonus fun elements to my job that I am always excited to take part in. Bazoom!

Team comes together.

And even though it was just a small portion of the larger team as a whole it was still an inspiring event. We are brothers and sisters in arms, each fighting the battle of our respective craft's journey together. A unified vision extended through us all. I look forward(together) to seeing where we will all end up.

Life through many eyes.

Some of why we watch television is to get a glimpse into the lives of people we don't know, people who are interesting, or people who excite us in one way or another. We connect to their experiences, compare notes with our own, learn, adapt, empathize and connect to each other person who does the same. It's communal as well as individual. I wonder if the story tellers among us somehow do it all for a different set of reasons?

Snow is cool.

Because it's physically a much lower temperature than most of my life but also because of the peace and chaos that it brings with it when it comes in such abundant supply. I got to help put chains on my parent's car so they could actually drive out of our neighborhood but I also was the only person that showed up at work today... which basically made it feel like a weekend day, I suppose. I like a good change of action in a somewhat random, unexpected way and time. That might be connected to my enjoyment of changing up my facial hair with some reasonable frequency. I just like the strange sensation of discomfort/surprise/adaptation, I guess.

The actual snowmageddon.

Even though we are a couple or so months past the original estimation we have definitely arrived in our winter wonderland. It looks to be about a foot or so deep which is definitely the deepest I have ever seen in this area in my entire life. Probably close to the deepest I have seen anywhere that isn't a mountain(my trip to Ohio to shoot Hoarders was deeper, of course.) This is something to behold and I'm sure we will all see our Facebook feeds flooded with photos of it all. I should have brought my camera home so I could do some really artsy stuff but the ol' iPhone will suffice, I am sure. Fun times!

Kind of getting to a resting point.

I have three big projects still on my current plate but I might be able to make some big dents in all three of them tomorrow. Two of them might even be completable if I am quick/diligent enough. Then it opens up a little breathing space for a day or two, which will definitely be quite appreciated. Then, if I am lucky, my taxes will be the next big step. How much fun will that be?! Ha. Much fun. That's how much.

The occasional morning visit.

This tends to happen when my day is so long that I basically start to doze off while sitting at my computer before going to bed. I usually write my entry here after hand-writing my regular journal entry and sometimes I just don't have enough steam to do this until the morning. I also don't always remember to do it the next morning but here we are. Anyway... the morning mental exercise is a nice way to kick things off so I can't complain about it whenever I know I have the time to do it. There is definitely something to be said for the variation of a habit from time to time.

Business is always a messy thing.

And that's just part of the whole process. Even when working alone it will always be a challenge in a variety of ways. And it should be. The entrepreneurial endeavor can be highly rewarding but only because it will inevitably be highly frustrating from time to time... if not ALL the time. Ha. Thus, we merely learn to navigate it in all new ways with the different people we engage in the endeavor with.

On to the 40th year.

I've always been one who enjoys running up hills. This one is no different. I enjoy life. Sure, I might be moving a bit slower than the usual route would indicate but I'm fine with that. My pace isn't meant for everyone... or really anyone else, other than me. Big things on the horizon and there ain't no hill gonna get in my way.

Evening unwind.

I do a lot of writing and thinking at the end of each day. I usually mix in a lot of random entertainment in one form or another. This all causes me to take much too long to get to sleep. I need to improve my discipline to basically bypass all the distracting entertainment along the way... that would definitely cut the time way down.

Incredible tennis.

I have played very little tennis in my life but I have still thoroughly enjoyed the careers of both Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal as a somewhat uninformed spectator. Sure, I have a fairly extensive table tennis background which engages my interest as I watch tennis but I, like the common and uncommon sports fan alike, still enjoy the great narrative generated by the lives of the exceptional among us. And it helps when they are such likable people, too, I suppose. Anyway, they played an incredible match last night that still lingers with me a bit today. It is also the reason I missed my entry last night considering the time they were playing sort of ran over it full force(midnight to about 4:30am, after it was all said and done.) I don't regret the miss of a day, in this case, even though that is normally on my emotional plate of things to do after missing a day. I can justify a small break for once-in-a-lifetime entertainment.

I love me some shootin' on the camera.

It's one of my favorite activities and definitely makes for the most drug-like form of work I have ever done. The challenge and opportunity to be technical and artistic is so incredibly addicting to me. I suppose that's why I am so motivated to just do the work whenever possible. Love of one's work is definitely a desirable life element that I am glad/lucky to have found.

The horizon ever brightens.

There seems to be more an more fun/awesome/challenging things appearing in the future of our work. And all of it looks to be quite valuable experience that I think will definitely take our team to the "next" level... whatever that means. Ha. Sure, it's a fairly ambiguous, hard-to-define-or-explain term but it says it clearly enough anyway. And I look forward to every challenging minute to come!

Woeless rejection.

I went to meet up with a gal for a cup of cocoa and for the first time(perhaps in my entire life?) I was stood up by a date. Well... I am not sure I would call it a date - meeting up for cocoa - but in this day and age, I suppose it probably achieves that level, considering the rarity of actual connection in the first place. No worries about the miss tonight, though... I basically lowered my expectations somewhere below ground-level. Not really a great way to do things as it limits how much energy I expend to actually make it all happen but I'd call it a good experience to learn from anyway. And, strangely, she still might be interested in trying again later, I tend to think. And if I'm wrong, what else is new? Ha.

Commercials might be a good way to fill the space.

I think it could be a good thing to do for a couple reasons. One, I have always enjoyed the storytelling medium of commercials - brief, incredibly direct and potentially inspiring stuff(whether it is a call to action asking for a sale or inspiring some form of comedy/drama.) Another reason, which could potentially be more of a lucrative idea, it could be used in preparation for clients/potential clients. I generally think of these writing habits of mine as a positive skill-building exercise but probably overlook the potentially direct monetary benefits I might be able to distill from them. I should be a little more aware of that potential, I have to say. Energy well spent, even lacking specific reward, still could be quite a boon should something like that become attached.

Tying habits together.

I think I've written about this before but maybe not... or maybe it has just been a long while. Anyway, I have to think that there is good technique to utilizing one strong habit to building/creating other habits. For me it started with a consistent daily journal. Once I got good at that I was further enabled, whether by skill or simply confidence, to practice writing with my left hand. This eventually lead me to all sorts of other habits which have essentially just piggybacked the consistency and momentum I have through my journaling. Now, I write a page of script every day. I can't call it a quality page of script yet but the consistency is slowly getting there and once it becomes easy to do daily I can start to turn up the effort on the quality. And it all started with the little daily habit of writing a few sentences down in a book.

Random discovery of new music.

I have thoroughly enjoyed the power of Pandora for quite a few years now. That said, it is still a somewhat rare occurrence when a new band really grabs me. It seems to be about one a year these days/maybe for the last decade or so(which, if you're doing basic rudimentary math in your head equals out to something like 10 new bands in the last 10 years.) This might seem like a small number at first glance but I think it more emphasizes the quality to which I refer about a band that "really grabs me." These are not just high quality musicians and composers. The ones that really "grab" me are almost always ones that offer something somewhat unique to the music listening experience for me, which also means that it must be something somewhat new to me in order to find that unique quality. I have heard an incredible variety of music over the years and finding something new is generally not too common for me. Thus, I am always quite delighted, and somewhat surprised, to discover new music that really grabs me. It really makes my day/week/month/year/decade/score/life!

Miss Communication.

I tend to think single women are difficult to understand and, I think, they tend to take what I say in some sort of strange way. It kind of feels like I got some kind of weird curse on me or something sometimes. It makes me think that I intimidate them unnecessarily. How silly it is considering how harmless I am. Sure, I generally think like an alpha male personality but I definitely temper my behavior into something much calmer and more diffusive. I guess I will never have it easy when it comes to communicating with single women. I suppose I have gotten by in life this way so far so I probably shouldn't start(continue?) complaining about it now. Ha.

Building a story through sketches.

I have undertaken the practice of writing at least one page of a script each day this year. It is a challenging thing to do on a very basic level. It forces me to stretch my imagination in such different ways than I have done in the past. I would like to use it to write a full-length feature, however, and while I think it can definitely serve that purpose I am starting to realize new challenges it creates in the style of how I would normally write a very lengthy script. Namely, that each day is such a rough explosion of ideas(maybe explosion is too generous... mini-burst?) that I wonder how helpful it is to build a story this way. I would normally be inclined to sketch the overall story arc first before building the whole thing up by adding polished pieces onto that story arc skeleton, so to speak. I wonder if this new method will be something that is ultimately more frustrating to the process or more of a blessing? It feels like it kinda has to go one way or the other, strangely.

Stepping off on the right foot.

Being prepared is one of the most important ingredients to establishing a successful project or endeavor. It by no means guarantees any measure of ostensible, productive success... it does guarantee the benefits of practicing to do the best you can to help it achieve that kind of outcome. The guarantee of a possibility isn't half bad, in my book. Purposeful effort goes so much further than incidental/accidental success. Better lucky than good? Not really... what does one actually gain by obtaining that which is not earned?

Starting to meet the new team.

Well, the team that is "new" to me, at least. And it looks to be a solid crew in the small sample size I engaged with today. The ball is a rollin' already but the momentum looks to be gaining speed in the quickly coming weeks ahead. It looks to be a grand and bustling adventure, for sure!

Excellent collaboration.

I am not sure much compares to forming a really good team with some really good people. Learning to communicate each different person's language is sometimes a challenge but always worth the adventure. And building the high-quality products to match is always a splendid end result.

I enjoy writing chaos.

Not that it is particularly useful in any specific way but I like using it to fill space. It is difficult to force creativity. It is less difficult to force creation. Sure, I would prefer to craft something artfully purposeful every time if I could. But I can't, so the chaos is my delightful little scapegoat for creative failure/inconsistency. Filler is better than emptiness when one is attempting to create a habit of effort.

Working for the people who work with the people I work for.

Sometimes an opportunity comes along that grows into different opportunities altogether. Today I did some work that might fall into that category. Nothing is guaranteed, of course, but I am still reminded of how that sort of possibility exists at the very least. Time to take advantage of the opportunity I might have as well as create others like it going forward.

Working all day and all night.

And I still feel like there is too much to do. I moved along at a pretty good pace today, even, and expect to continue along the same way for the next few weeks or so. Right now, I am tired and really should have gone to bed hours ago. Whoops!

Projects all over the place.

I have a tendency to load way more projects onto my plate than is probably smart to do. The level of commitment for most of them isn't very high(as in, the amount of time that is committed to each one individually) but the volume of projects makes that add up to what is slightly on the overwhelming side of things. I just keep driving forward, however, and will continue making progress on all of them. I think I need to close the door on picking any new things up at the moment, though, and I suppose that is the lesson of the day for me. The next lesson is learning how to actually close the door. Ha.

The rules of the game.

They are always a somewhat annoying aspect of the game that I love. I don't mind if people play hard or even push the boundaries of legality by their play style... it's the somewhat vague officiating that really gets me annoyed. Some things just don't seem very clear to me and it just makes it difficult for me to figure out how to even play correctly. Luckily, I still enjoy playing hard, playing my best, but without that I might be inclined to avoid the basketball season altogether for lack of enjoyment.

What happens behind so many scenes.

I think one of the more interesting aspects of my work is the occasional opportunity to see into some actual part of life that I really don't know much about. Tonight we filmed an expert panel of I.T. professionals in the medical industry. It was very interesting to hear their thoughts on how their work relates to and is affected by the general public. They all had very interesting, intelligent things to say of their work while at the same time admitting their challenges of keeping up with the changes in the world, whether societal, technological, medical, or otherwise. None of them sounded incompetent or in any way disinterested in actual positive outcomes for all people who engage with healthcare due to health issues everyday people inevitably face. It definitely sounded somewhat different than the narrative some people are fed by the media about their corruption due to money. It was real people wanting to do the work of real people for real people.

Delving into the writing.

Narrative Exploration

Some of my purpose for writing here is the exercise of my creative writing muscles. I occasionally(though, quite rarely for the past several years) write out some prose or poetry here. It usually comes as inspired, an emotional reflection of something from the day. I have been thinking I will start writing some narrative ideas here from time to time now. I've started writing film script pages every day to exercise that creative muscle and I think that adding the narrative practice here will couple well with that practice. I'm not entirely sure what to expect but I look forward to delving into that creative expression. I just thought I'd throw this entry up as a precursor/explanation in preparation to it. It also doubles as the description for the new label I will categorize those entries with.

Motivational speakers are pretty awesome.

Even if that's not specifically their game. I've been enjoying one particular speaker lately that talks about leadership and motivations more than talking about anything specifically motivational. His ideas are so clear and resonant to me that they motivate me by their very nature. His presentation is something I would aspire to emulate in my own way. Some of what I do in my writing here should, if I am doing it even a little bit right, also serve to enlighten/uplift/inspire/encourage in some way or another. Not that everything I write even can serve that purpose... but I do hope that it can serve others in ways similar to how it(whatever concepts I have enjoyed along the way) has served me. I learn and share what I learn openly. I am lucky it is something I enjoy... and, perhaps, luckier that I enjoy the act of communicating(in this case, writing) as much as I do. What good would any of it do anybody other than me if I just kept it all bottled up in my head?

Script writing will be a much more difficult task than expected.

I planned to write one page a day, which in and of itself isn't really that much to write, however, it is definitely a creative stretch from my regular routines. As previously stated, I can allow myself to write crap from time to time but even coming up with what that crap will look/smell like is by no means automatic, much like some of my journal writing is(especially the stuff where I basically record what happens each day.) In an attempt to create something new each time I plan to generate new ideas each day, whether as something entirely new or as something appended to old ideas in furtherance of, or even as improvement/innovation to freshen up existing material. It's all a challenge. It will likely require me to start generating ideas throughout the day that I would utilize at the end of each day. This definitely makes it a worthy challenge. And we'll see how long I can sustain it!

Exploring the importance of leadership.

There are a large variety of qualities that combine to form the aspects of leadership. The one that is potentially the most valuable quality, to my mind, is the ability of a leader to sacrifice his or her time for the people being led. Time also represents the truest reflection of the expression of love from one person to another. So, in a way, the time a good leader sacrifices to those they are leading might also express a level of respect akin to the respect of love. This could also imply that those who are most capable of giving said time/love without expectation of return are truly the best leaders. They are the ones who courageously lead themselves into vulnerability to the benefit of those who are too afraid to. They are the ones building the bonds of culture, society and humanity.

Creating the mundane.

Part of what enables me to even do this writing on a regular basis is my ability to be okay with writing what amounts to be very common, generally unimaginative nonsense most of the time. Even though my quantity is not particularly prolific, I still have taught myself to accept a very basic writing level. It was once put to me by a writer friend of mine - "You have to learn to be okay with writing crap." The context of his statement referred to the somewhat different situation of creating a draft that was intended to later be polished but I think it definitely still applies to what I am doing here. Of the many beneficial reasons that I do this, I essentially write to flex my writing muscle. And even though I would prefer to be a better writer I have basically been training to write at this "basically unimaginative" level just by doing it so much... in a way, I have not only raised the floor level of my capability, I have also brought the ceiling of my potential down... which is kind of sad/annoying... yet... I am still okay with it. As I have undertaken the habit of script writing I have the precedent to continue this level of acceptance in my script generating. At first, I would rather be regularly and consistently writing as the biggest challenge comes in the form of establishing the habit in the first place. I should be careful, however, to diligently increase the level of my effort(and by extension, the level of my self-critical acceptance) to further stretch my skill and improve the upward climb in my quest to become a master of my craft. Mastery can never be obtained incidentally, after all.

Keeping new habits intact.

Sure, it's usually not too tough for the first few days or so, especially when the other normal habits are not particularly disruptive in the first place, but I can imagine the first time I stay the night somewhere else how it will be a test of these habits if they have not already solidified by then. Anything that breaks routine will basically test the mettle of my commitment to the new habits in the first place. A dearth of ideas, a later-than-usual day returning home, an extra early wake-up time the next morning... these are all little deviations that might be disruptive. In some small way, however, identifying some of these possible anti-habits beforehand will help to break through them when they do appear in my life's little battles in the future. Making a plan along those lines further improves those odds. Having a plan at all is a plan to succeed at least a little more than nothing, I always say. Ha.

Hard work never guarantees quality.

This is an under-recognized truth in my industry. So many moving parts and so many areas for problems really almost ensure that a much larger percentage of completed efforts(not to mention the vastly larger number of uncompleted efforts) is just not a very high-quality product. That doesn't make it an unentertaining product, as quality doesn't necessarily denote whether something is good or entertaining or not, but it can kind of carry some of those moments that make you wince for the people involved while you watch it. Either way, I don't mind being a part of it all... the effort is the worthier part and the experience is always my reward.

New alphabets always take some time to learn.

Especially when they have little to no precedent in one's life. The easiest part about it is the fact that it's not actually a foreign language... just a different version of English. As it is such a slow-going process at first, the writing always looks so much more formal at the beginning of the book compared to how it tends to end up by the time I finish the book. Like any form of handwriting, it evolves to adjust to the speed of writing and eventually comes to reflect a mood and style particular to each moment in which the writing belongs to. One of the new challenges for 2017!

2016: A Year of Firsts and Foremosts

As previously stated, this is to be my annual recollection of the year in totallum(<-- not really sure if that's a word.)

The early part of the year was delightfully busy with work for what easily became the largest client of Tiny Box Productions ever. With the help of Marissa and Corey(and a couple other folks as the job demanded) we got some work done and even made a little money along the way. It was a good, crazy, fun, learning time.

Rolling along into the second quarter of the year, we then started serious talks with the Flea about officially forming a business with them to not only be a smart thing for the Flea but to also help Chad in the process of him becoming a US citizen. We plugged in with the Renton Chamber of Commerce, made a few decent business connections through them, as well as setup a few fun, exceptionally challenging, productions with/for them like the golf tournament production. It was the beginning of a very busy mid-year.

Rolling through the Summer saw a solid mixture of Hoarders and Screaming Flea Creative Media work that kept everybody busy like bumble bees. It also ramped up as we helped plan for the 1st annual Renton City Comic Convention which definitely took the "cake of difficulty" as the most challenging, physically demanding, excitingly fun production of the year. Sure, my Hoarders shoots were more challenging on a professional level, with the first one being the most difficult shoot I have ever done, but I wouldn't add the excitingly fun element into that equation. Anyway, it was all kinds of crazy that basically fell off the mountain once it all wrapped up.

Which made for a very slow but very appreciated fourth quarter. Sure we have stayed busy with planning and a few small projects here and there but I would have been lying if I didn't say this fourth quarter was pretty much too easy for my liking. It has been a good holiday season. A nice relaxing time.

Oh, I should probably also mention that I started trying to do some online dating this year, sometime in the Summer I suppose, and have had a very strange, but not altogether bad experience with that. I've met a couple rad women somehow(which basically feels like total luck, considering how few women online even respond or bother to read any of my invitations to chat that I send them), even though it doesn't seem like anything beyond friendship will come of any of it so far. It's a really puzzling experience that I doubt I will ever really understand to a normal level of satisfaction. We'll see what next year brings... or doesn't bring. Ha.

Anyway, I think this was about as good of a snapshot as I was ever really going to conjure for this year's grand experience. I will call it a good one, as far as years go, and definitely look forward to all the new stuff the next year has in store! Best wishes to all who read this and a happy New Year to all of you, as well!