A bit of delirious.

As long days wear long on the mind... I linger closer to the sublime more of the time. The brain gets its work from easier grind. Pecking through the legion of a fisherman's find. Abstaining from all of the orthodoxical kind. No rest, no freedom, no merriment's wind. Leaving marks of a brand unflinchingly signed.

Midnight oil of the modern day... computer screen glow?

And forget midnight. It's way past midnight for most of the night and I guess the burning it would refer to is a long, slow burn for sure. It practically lights up the next day. And it seems to chain all the way through multiple days in a row. Such is the life of media production.

Always looking forward to something.

Especially the end of this intense editing schedule. It's always nice to feel the sense of completion for finishing it all, of course, but reentering the world of the living will be the greatest reward for such a feat. I look forward to non-insomniac life as well. Not too sure what brought it this time but I'll be happy to see it go whether I figure out why it came or not.

Life outside the wall.

Luckily for me it is a very easy wall to escape. The door built into it doesn't even lock anymore so that kinda helps. It has been a self-imposed exile for endless and tedious work that will eventually end... so that's the light I cling to... somewhere outside the wall... sometime in the future... the nearish future.

Long, continuous work days.

They usually aren't so bad. In many ways, they're actually kinda nice. But the days that don't travel... certainly emphasize the feeling of cabin fever. I only went outside a couple times. The lack of nature is a bit oppressive, too. Now I'm tired and only sort of looking forward to another day of the same tomorrow. Ha. At least I get to be productive. That's nice.

Preparing for the challenges of age.

I may have been(and may continue to be) somewhat ignorant to the responsibilities I am likely to incur as my parents wind down on the twilights of their lives. Things may be happening more quickly than I expected... I am not sure there is a specific sort of preparation that could have prepared me for the timing of these transitions. But I do need to be prepared for greater challenges to come... and possibly are already here... and if that is so, now is the time to act. So... in light of this possibility... what will I do?

The battle of the heart.

And when one heart is attacked, all hearts groan in pain together. The resolve is unified but the outcome is uncertain and it is one of the more trying experiences I have ever experienced... would I be too bold to declare it as one of the more trying experiences anyone can go through? Imagine knowing that someone you love is in a very real life or death situation and there is little to nothing you can do to directly influence the outcome in a positive way... it's a hellish, helpless feeling. I am glad to be a couple days past it now, though I am certain I should have addressed this in writing sooner both as a more emotionally truthful, resonant expression and a valuable form of catharsis and a tiny bit of emotional self-healing... perhaps the only element of the whole experience which I had any direct influence over. I do not look forward to a "next" time for this to happen but something like it will eventually rear its viciously ugly head and I will definitely need to take greater measures in adhering to this self-prescribed emotional medicine when the ugly does strike again.

Reuniting with family.

Does that make us a family reunit? And it would almost seem to imply that we were no longer united during the time since we last saw each other, also. Maybe I'm just being overly critical of such commonplace terminology. Ha. So I haven't actually gotten to see the family yet but I am planning to make a trip or two out to see some peeps during the week-long span of the event. I look forward to the mini-breaks from my work as well. All kinds of family fun!

Grinding the hours away.

Sometimes VFX work can be exceptionally boring and tedious... oh, wait... that might be all times. Ha. It is the art of creating magic, whether by correctional need or fantastical embellishment, and while the outcome is definitely rewarding when it is done correctly the means to achieving said outcome is a mixed bag of mostly undesirable, repetitive, difficult tasks with the rare occurrence of "cool" or "exciting" functions or processes. Work is work no matter the form but maybe it just has a slightly different feeling when it is the actual process that is almost technically demystifying the magic continuously. Luckily for me, the end result isn't usually far from my emotional focus. But that only makes it slightly less of a challenging process. Slightly.