I think I have a special interest in self-destructive behavior when it comes to girls. I just wanted to be patient. I just wanted to give her space so she could cope with the challenges she is already dealing with. I guess I also just wanted to toss my heart in front of her shoe as she continued to walk some other direction... Why? I think(I daresay "think"), I must feel for her more than I realized. She means more to me than I thought, despite my glowing reviews over the last week, and I think my heart tends to poison my logical thinking if I am not totally diligent. And since I've been averaging around 3 or so hours of sleep each night over the last couple or so days... my diligence has certainly lost whatever fight it was trying to put up. Ha. I am surprised I am able to put together a coherent sentence right now! I am totally wasted!
I have been in the pity party of the week for most of the day... but, thankfully,(and somewhat mysteriously) I have had some moments of clarity that have kept my head above water more than I would have expected. I don't really think all is lost with her... I think she'll still have me as a friend and that's way better than nothing! I just need to give her some space for a little while. I only hope I can actually keep up the self-control to do what I am saying I should do. Ha. Sleep is an essential key to this challenge for sure!
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