Pain and anger are the only things to cling to sometimes.

And it makes me incredibly sad. There is no end to my personal grief about the way my father holds fixed to these poisonous tenets with the stubborn tenacity beyond even that of the ever incredulous honey badger. And I use that metaphor with all the maximum emphasis I can muster still feeling like it falls far short of the actual level of stubbornness he exhibits. It seems to me a form of bondage he is simply and utterly incapable of breaking free of. It seems to me a literal part of his character, immovable, unshakable, impenetrable, deeply infected like a disease wrapping around every system of his mind, body, and soul, warping his character and being as it conforms to the disease's fear of reality... that IT is the enemy. I feel hopeless nearly to the inverse degree that IT thrives in his system. I love my father and I continue to fight but I have yet to truly feel ANY progress in ANY direction away from the only direction IT moves him. There are very few things in life that I have ever felt so similarly helpless to cope with and NONE that surpass it's ultimate and frustrating level of annoyance. And even labeling all of this with the type of hyperbole I have laid out simply feels epically inadequate to the truth of the situation. My heart aches. Such are the challenges of life. And I will continue to fight for as long as I can because I love my father deeply.