The uncertain toll of losing a parent can be somewhat perplexing. Some of it is expected as the natural course of loss typically incurs a host of feelings, harsh, sad, dark, painful. There are moments of other feelings too, however, and the triggers aren't always apparent before they arrive. And it's also unclear to what depth and effect and length of duration any of these experiences become. It feels chaotic and somewhat disorienting sometimes. It tends to dull some of the positive emotions I have been experiencing even... maybe it has increased my apathetic tendencies? Is it some kind of emotional defense mechanism?
Anyway... I feel inclined to write about life again. It somehow feels important and cathartic. I am not sure I will make this a regular habit as I once did... the chaos I am experiencing lately diminishes my inclination to commit to anything in particular. But I do think it is important right now... and hopefully for a while to come. Hopefully a while to come is truly possible, at least.
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