I slept somewhat fitfully, I think, and the strangeness of my dream(which I'd rather not go into right now) actually woke me up about an hour before my alarm. The subject matter of the dream seems totally unrelated to my recent emotional disturbance so it was a bizarre way to kick things off for the day.
I got to my work, did the things I needed to, and even felt somewhat productive throughout the day but it all came under the unusual(for me) emotional note of general apathy and a somewhat somber mood. I still feel it, even now. Like a dull, listless humdrum has blanketed my being. It's a very weird feeling to me, truly quite foreign I have to say. In the past, I have typically slept off almost any of the feelings I expressed in my ramblings yesterday. Maybe this event has stung me deeper or in a different way than I have realized. Maybe just being older and going through it has added a different layer. Maybe I need something else to really heal from this properly. I have been ghosted before but maybe the lack of closure this time is something different? I know I am not truly apathetic to what has happened(why would I be compelled to write anything here in the first place?) but I do have a certain feeling permeating within me right now and it definitely has that apathetic feeling to it... or maybe it's just a pathetic feeling?(word play still in tact, I suppose.)
I guess I'll see if I sleep it off tonight. I have another early work day tomorrow. Should be decent. Maybe things can get straightened out in my brain and heart by then. Or, if not both of them, maybe one of them can find a bit of peace? That would really be nice.
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