2017 - A Year in Review - The Year of Mom's Passing

This year has been slightly more roller-coastery than most. The highs were reasonably high, reaching greater achievements in my career than ever before, but the lows were as low as they have ever been for me which is nothing of small remark. The year could be called a "bad" year when considering the loss I have experienced... and I wouldn't blame anybody for giving it that sort of label. However, I will call it a year of learning about life and death... the year that changed my life in so many ways. Whether it is a "good" or a "bad" year might only be determined by what comes next. What will I become because of it? What will I become in the wake of this year's challenges?

The early months of the year started strong. I helped kick off the production of a podcast as well as starting work on the production of a low budget feature film which basically absorbed a full month of my time by itself. I was also called in to help with a couple pilots for Screaming Flea which was very rewarding and challenging and fun. Between work I was doing for SFCM(Screaming Flea Creative Media) and all the other projects I was involved with I only took one or two days off until sometime in the middle of the year... which was when life started taking a turn for the unexpected.

In late July/early August my business as well as the company I worked for both essentially disappeared from my life. Both of them were complicated situations that I am still not entirely sure what to do about. It was also at this time that I dove into the VFX and color work for the final push on the feature I had helped shoot earlier in the year. We were trying to meet a basically impossible deadline so I went into the editing "cave" at the directors house to crank on it for basically all of my waking hours, every day of the week until it was complete. I enjoyed taking a couple days to join the family reunion out on the peninsula but did not enjoy the beginning of the end for my sweet mother as she suffered a heart attack the night I left to get back to work. I went to the hospital to be supportive for a day or two but as soon as it was deemed she would likely survive I delved back into the "cave" to press onward with my work. It was incredibly trying at times but, after countless hours and revisions and fine-tuning, we finally completed the work in late October. During this time Mom had to head back to the hospital to deal with complications, head to a care facility when she showed improvement, then head back to the hospital where her body's complex array of issues eventually overcame her and she passed away from this life onto the next. I have never experienced such pain... something that lingers and resurfaces from time to time still... and might never disappear completely.

I needed a break... from work... from the pain... from thinking... from life. I didn't want to run away from the trials emotionally but I didn't really know how to deal with them, either. We convinced Pops to go stay with my sister and her family from Thanksgiving through Christmas so I took that as an opportunity to get away and drove him down there. I got to visit a bunch of great friends and relax and shoot a bunch of scenic footage and just be a normal person again. I visited Utah and briefly visited my old stomping ground in Northern California before coming back to Washington. I had some work I needed to get back for then I headed back to Utah for Christmas and to pick Pops back up. It was a great way to wrap up the year. The incredible level of peace and calm and quiet and solitude and nature were absolutely healing to my soul.

Now... I am back at home... home with Pops and my oldest brother. We are good for him as he needs the companionship. I haven't been working much yet but I will find plenty to do soon enough. This year has so much potential on the horizon and I intend to make the best of every opportunity. I started writing this entry days ago and, as one might expect, I had some trouble getting through the recounting of my mom's challenges. I intend to be more regular in my writing habits here again, though, and this is where I kick things off. Better late than never... and, as exemplified and stated so simply by my mother before her passing, "love is the answer."

Rest in peace, Mom. 2018 already misses you... almost as much as I do.